


The Words He Doesn’t Say

by DodgerBear



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Couples Counseling, Cute Yevgeny Milkovich, M/M, Marriage, OMC - therapist, Post-Prison, Therapist is way beyond unprofessional, Therapy, angsty fluff, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 05:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 60,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19969036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DodgerBear/pseuds/DodgerBear
Summary: Mickey is released from prison before Ian and has to attend court-ordered therapy with a shrink that’s probably as grumpy as he is.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> A little WIP I’m working on, let me know your thoughts!
> 
> From the POV of Mickey’s therapist. Probably slightly OOC Mickey in that he (eventually) opens up and talks about his feelings, but what’s the point in a therapy fic if he doesn’t talk 
> 
> Enjoy!!

I’d been a therapist for almost thirty years when I met Mickey Milkovich for the first time. In all those years I’d never met anyone quite like him. 

From the moment he slumped into the threadbare armchair across the desk from me I knew I would be pushing a boulder up a hill for the next few months. Court-ordered therapy was an absolute fucking nightmare but if I did ten billable hours a week on top of my normal schedule then I could afford to pay the fees on my Mom’s nursing home. It’s not like I could turn that down. Not every fucker had the money to pay for basic care for the person they owed their life to, after all. 

Mikhailo Milkovich was ordered by the courts to attend therapy for three hours a week to meet his parole conditions. Three hours in a week was a lot and it left me wondering what the fuck this kid had done to get stuck with that amount of time to self-reflect. I didn’t have to wonder for long. His prison file turned up on my desk an hour before our first session and I got a sneak peek of the synopsis in The Mikhailo Milkovich Story. Words jumped out of the page at me and I struggled to take it all in. The man on the paper in front of me, the man who would be in my office in less than an hour, sounded like a first class psychopath. 

_South Side._

_First conviction at age 13._

_Criminal family._

_Terry Milkovich._

_Three stints in juvie._

_15 year sentence at big boy prison for attempted murder._

_Prison escapee._

_Mexican-affiliated gangbanger._

_Guns and ammo expert._

_Federal informant._

_Divorced father of one._

My mind was swimming at the last two revelations on the list. The kid was only 25 and he was stacking the kind of bio that most career criminals retired on. I didn’t have long to mull it over when there was a knock at my door. 

“Come in.”

The door opened and a man appeared. He was pale, biting down on his bottom lip and looking like a rabbit in the headlights. 

“Hey. I’m Mickey.” He mumbled at the floor. 

I glanced at the clock in surprise but he was right on time, which meant I’d spent almost a full hour reading his file. Huh. 

Pushing a boulder up a hill was probably a generous description of that first session. Mickey was the dictionary definition of anxiety. His knee bounced uncontrollably and bashed the underside of the desk over and over so the water in my glass sloshed over the sides. His bottom lip was bitten to the point that it was bleeding. 

“You know why you’re here?” I asked him. 

Mickey nodded sharply. “Yup.”

“So you know I need your cooperation to sign you out of the program?”

“Yup.” Mickey rolled his eyes. 

“Good. Just so we’re clear: cooperation means you say more than one word answers.”

“Got it.” Mickey smirked knowingly. 

I kept a straight face but on the inside I was laughing. Mickey was going to play this game to his rules. 

When I read over my notes after that first session I wasn’t surprised to see we’d covered nothing of any importance. In fact, Mickey probably spoke less than twenty words in total. That was gonna have to change. 

When Mickey arrived for his next session two days later he was in a much better mood. 

“You’re smiling. Did you kick a puppy on your way over here?” I teased. 

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Fuck that. I like animals better than I like people.”

“More likely to have kicked a granny, huh.”

“Not sure where you got this idea I’m some kinda sociopath. I’m actually a really nice guy.” 

I gazed at his grinning face and knew something had happened to put him in this mood. 

“What’s been happening with you?”

“Since I last saw you?” Mickey scoffed. 

“Something’s put a smile on your chops. What gives? You get laid or something?”

I watched the expression on Mickey’s youthful face darken until sadness crept into his eyes. 

“Nah man. My ex-wife brought my kid to see me last night. Said I can see him more. Guess that put me in a good mood.”

I smiled warmly. “Brilliant. How old is he?”

“Yev? He’s six. Getting all big and smart now he’s at school. Crazy shit.” Mickey smiled shyly. 

I nodded. “Cool name.”

“Short for Yevgeny. His mom’s a crazy Russian. She picked his name. Poor kid.”

I chuckled and made a quick note of those details. 

“You get on well with your ex?” 

Mickey tipped his head back and laughed. “Jesus. What a question. Can we save her for another day, Doc? We’ve only got ten minutes left and we need way more.”

I nodded my agreement and wrote that down. “Sure. You got a job yet?”

Mickey nodded. “You’re looking at the Head of Security of the well-loved local establishment, The Alibi Rooms. I also get to serve drunks more cat piss and clean out the restrooms. It’s a dream come true, Doc.”

I laughed happily. “I’m glad it’s all working out for you.”

“Okay if I skip out five minutes early? I wanna catch the hardware store before it closes. Decorating Yev’s bedroom in my new shithole apartment this weekend.”

I busied myself writing notes so I could hide my smirk of satisfaction. “Go for it. See you Monday.”

“Thanks Doc.”

“Please Mickey. Call me Orin.”

“Orin?” He tilted his head at me and smirked widely. “That’s your name?”

I shot him a withering glare. “Yes Mikhailo. It is. You going or what?”

I could hear him laughing all the way down the hall. 

Monday arrived but Mickey didn’t. I felt a heaviness in my chest where my heart used to be before low life parolees broke it. I rang the number in his file and got the automated voicemail. 

“Milkovich. This is not an optional social event you’re missing. I gotta report this to your PO. Do not fuck me around.”

I tossed the phone back on my desk and read over the notes I’d made on him. He was an enigma. His rap sheet didn’t seem to tally with the guy I spoke to in my office. I’d been doing this for long enough to spot if the guy in front of me was headed back to the joint. I didn’t get that vibe with Mickey. He was hard work and aloof but he’d been pretty clear that going back inside was not an option. I was about to toss his file back in the drawer and treat myself to a coffee when the door burst open. Mickey stood in the space just outside in the hallway, panting and gasping for breath. 

“Sorry...I’m...late...fuckin bus...blew out...a tire on the...interstate...ran here...”

I felt my jaw swing open when I took in his appearance. He was dressed in smart black jeans with a green and white plaid shirt tucked in. His hair had once been slicked to the side with product but from the physical exertion now stuck up like it was searching for satellites. His pale face was spotted with deep red blotches of color. 

“Come the fuck inside Mickey. Take a seat before you fall down.”

I watched him slump into the chair and take the bottle of water I shoved in his direction. 

“Why the hell were you on the interstate? You live three blocks from here!”

Mickey took a deep breath. “I was visiting Ian.”

“Who the fuck is Ian?” I frowned. 

“My boyfriend.”

Silence is a funny thing. Some people love it. The quiet contemplation of life taking place in your own mind. Some people hate it. They fear the pressure it brings and blurt out any old shit just to fill the void. Silence, in my line of work, is very telling. I can spot when someone is lying from their silence. I can tell when someone is hiding something. But in that moment, that single moment after the word boyfriend fell from Mickey’s lips, I was stunned to complete silence. The kind where every word in the English language escapes you and you’re left with nothing but...nothingness. 

“It didn’t mention anything in your file about a boyfriend.” I finally spoke and Mickey’s knowing smirk was all I needed to see to confirm he knew he’d shocked me. 

“Well no, I don’t suppose it would since I wasn’t exactly shouting it from the rooftops.” 

“You’re gay?” I clarified, probably quite unnecessarily since he just told me he had a boyfriend. 

“Yes Orin.” Mickey spelled out slowly. “I’m into dick. That gonna be a problem?”

I shook my head with a laugh. “Not for me. Is it a problem for _you_?”

Mickey’s expression turned sinister. “It’s been nothin’ but a problem for me.”

“Oh? That sounds like a great place to start some therapy. You wanna coffee before we get going?” I grinned. 

Mickey huffed a laugh. “Sure. Black. Three sugars.”

I went to the corner of the room where I had a knock off version of those coffee machines George Clooney is paid a fuck ton of money to sell. The one with the tiny pods that make a shit load of noise when all you want is a fuckin caffeine hit. But it was $20 at a garage sale so I shouldn’t complain too loud about it. I made the coffees while Mickey picked up my metal name plate and turned it around in his hands. 

“Orin Campbell. That’s an interesting name.” He mused and placed it gently back in its place on my desk. 

“My parents were artsy types. Orin is the name of a character in a play they loved. Campbell is Scottish. I guess we’re all immigrants somewhere along the line.” I explained briefly. 

“Yup.” Mickey agreed, leaning over to accept the coffee I held out to him. “Thanks.”

I settled back in my chair. “So...Ian? Where did you go to visit him?”

“Beckman.”

I raised my brows at Mickey’s one word answers and he smiled guiltily. 

“You met your boyfriend in prison?” I frowned. 

Mickey shook his head. “Fuck no. We’re from the same neighborhood.”

“Okay...look Mickey...when I ask a question it means I want to know more about you. Expand a little, would ya?”

Mickey laughed harshly. “Nosey fucker.”

“I’m a gossip-fiend. What can I say?”

“Alright. I guess it might help to get my head together.” He acknowledged and I felt a fizzing of something inside me. Was it hope?

“Ian is from a family almost as shitty as mine. I guess they’re better because they actually love each other. Care for each other. Anyway...my sister is the same age as him. She lied to me when they were 15 or so...told me he’d touched her up cuz he knocked her back when she came onto him. I went after him to give him a beat down. Stuff went down and then one day he broke into my house...we started to fight. Then it all changed and we started doing something else. That’s how it started.”

I gazed at him in quiet amazement as he told his story to the cup in his hands. 

“Mickey...look at me.”

His eyes lifted to meet mine. 

“How old were you?”

“Sixteen.”

“You’ve been with this Ian guy for almost a decade?”

“On and off.”

“And he’s in prison?”

“Yeah. He’s bipolar. Makes some fucking shitty choices when he’s not taking his meds. He got locked up for arson a few months back.”

I took a breath and scribbled furiously. “It says in your file you were living in Mexico but handed yourself in with a plea bargain...”

“Yup.” Mickey nodded and my brain had to work overtime to join the dots. 

“Holy shit. You ratted out the most dangerous cartel in Mexico so you could choose to be locked up with your boyfriend...”

Mickey giggled cheerfully. “Don’t listen to anyone that tells you that you’re dumb Orin.”

“Wow. Talk me through that one...”

Mickey’s happy expression faded and he sipped at his coffee. “I saw him on the news. Knew straight off that he wasn’t on his meds. He hates them. They make him feel empty. He’d rather feel something, even if it’s manic, than nothing. But he had his life together and then I showed up again. Escaped convict on my way to Mexico. I asked him to come with me and he said yes. We drove to the border and he couldn’t do it. He left me there and headed back to Chicago. Knew as soon as I saw him doing his Gay Jesus shit that he wasn’t medicated. It was my fault for showing up and messing up his life. I had to be near him again. Get him through his stretch. He’s not made for the joint.”

“Ian is Gay Jesus?” I recognized the name. 

Mickey nodded. “Yeah. Heard of him?”

“Saw him on the news too.” I nodded. “How did you feel when he made you think he was running away with you and then changed his mind?”

Mickey huffed. “I was fucked off. I thought I was gettin everything I ever wanted and then it was gone. Just...boom...over.”

“You felt responsible for him?” I pressed on. 

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Mickey fell silent and drained his coffee cup before placing it on the desk. “Because...”

He didn’t finish his sentence. The buzzer went off on my desk to signal the end of the session. I wanted to ignore it. Throw it into my desk drawer and continue down this path with Mickey. He smiled at me, and I could read the relief on his face. 

“See you Wednesday. Don’t be late.” I sighed. 

Mickey stood up. “I won’t. I’m gonna start visiting Ian on Tuesdays from next week.”

I nodded. “Sure. Take care Mickey.”

When he was gone I read through the notes I’d made and barely recognized my own writing. It was scrawled like a child had written it. 

Wednesday’s session was a turning point for Mickey. In less than a week he was a different person to the man that arrived in my office chewing a hole in his lip. I realized I’d jumped ahead when we’d talked about Ian in the last session, my own curiosity getting the better of me and my professional judgement. I decided to take it back to the start and Mickey was surprisingly open to talk. 

“When did you first know you were attracted to men?” I asked softly. 

Mickey raised his eyebrows and thought about it for a second. “I guess I was about...twelve years old maybe? My older brother had these friends who’d be around the house all the time. They’d smoke weed, talk shit and watch porn. They let me watch with them and I remember when it was over the guys all talked about how hot her tits were and how tight her pussy must be. I couldn’t even tell you what color hair she had.” 

I smiled at his chuckled response. “I see.”

“He was pretty fuckin hot though. I remember that.” His grin was teasing and I found myself liking that he was giving me so much to work with. 

“Did you ever tell anyone about your feelings?”

“Fuck no. That’d be a one way ticket to nowhere good.” He scowled. 

“You’re not close with your family?”

He shrugged at my question. “Close as I can be.”

“What does that mean?”

“How close can you be with people that ain’t got the first clue who you really are?”

I nodded gently. “You always held something back...”

“I had to. If I wanted to live.”

“There was violence at home...”

“Every goddamn day.”

“Your father...tell me about him.”

“Terry? For a guy with so many kids he’s got no idea how to be a father.”

I waited to see if Mickey would add anything else but he didn’t continue. 

“Who in the world is your closest ally?”

“Ian.” There wasn’t a hint of hesitation. 

“Has it always been that way? You said you were off and on...”

He shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah. He’s got his issues. Stuff he did. Stuff I did. It got weird between us for a while. But he’s always been my...person.”

“What stuff?”

Mickey chewed on his lip and stared at the floor. “Jesus what does it matter? It’s all done and over now.”

“Is it?”

He didn’t speak but his pained expression told me it wasn’t over. 

“What’s worrying you Mickey?”

“I worry about him in that place. On his own. Exposed to that world. He’s not from that world!”

“When does he get out?”

“Three months, if he’s a Boy Scout.”

“How long did you serve?”

“Fourteen months. I got five years but turns out the intel I gave them on my boss was enough to bust his whole organization and a couple of other big game players too. I got out early as a thank you. I wasn’t meant to be out now. I was meant to watch over him.”

“I get that. But it’s only a few more weeks. If you use the logical part of your mind you can talk yourself down from that panic.”

“You don’t get it. He’s so...fuckin...naive! He’s gonna get hurt.” Mickey spat. 

“Mickey. You’re not responsible for him. He’s an adult. Making his own decisions. All you can do is support him.” I said gently. 

“And how do I do that when I’m here and he’s in there?”

I set my pen down on my desk. “Ask him what he needs. What is he worried about? What can you physically and practically do for him?”

Mickey sat back and considered this. “He’s freaking out about what’s gonna happen when he gets out. He thinks I’m gonna wake up one day and think he’s a waste of space and disappear into the sunset.”

“And you’re not?”

Mickey screwed up his face. “Fuck no. He is my sunset.”

I smiled and picked up my pen. “That’s great for today, Mickey. I’ll see you again in a couple of days. I’m glad to see you’re opening up.”

“Yeah well. You ain’t as bad as I thought.”

I chuckled. “High praise indeed. Remember what I said...you can’t be responsible for Ian. You need to ask what he needs.”

Mickey nodded. “Yeah. Got it.”

“See you Friday, Mickey. And heads up...we’re getting close to the talkin about your wife thing you’ve avoided so long.”

Mickey rolled his eyes as he stood up. “Sure. Cuz why wouldn’t you wanna ruin my weekend?”

I was still laughing long after he stomped out of my office. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey opens up more and Orin is not prepared.

Mickey barely had time to get his ass in his seat when I hit him with my first question of the day. 

“Tell me about your wife, Mickey.”

His eyes narrowed into dangerous points. “ _EX_ -wife. I already told you the highlights. I got married to a crazy Russian, had a kid, got divorced. The big factor in all of it being that I’m a fag with a thing for the lanky neighborhood kid I grew up with. That’s it.”

My pen scratched one word. _Mistrusting_.

“Did she come to the US illegally?” I took a guess at the reason Mickey was a closed book about this woman. 

Mickey’s face contorted into something I recognized as fear-anger. “You think I’m gonna give you any shit to take back to those FBI fuckers that made me come here? You think I’m giving you someone else in my life to go after? Fuck. That. Shit.”

I lost my patience. 

“Look, you know for a fact I can’t say shit to anyone about what you tell me here. I’m bound by so many confidentiality clauses that could get me a cell next to your boyfriend if I break them. So you could literally confess to a murder here and I’d be able to smile, nod and do fuck all else. Got it?” My voice was more snapping than I wanted it to be but this kid was a wind up merchant of the best kind. He was showing so much progress lately that I was fooled into thinking no area was off limits. I had no idea why he was happy to admit to me that he was gay but wouldn’t talk about the woman he’d married and fathered a child with. 

“I hate talking about it.”

“What?”

“My fuckin sham of a marriage.”

My heart clenched. What the fuck was wrong with me these days? I didn’t think I even had a heart anymore, let alone one that was still in a shape to beat. 

“Why?” I asked gently. 

Mickey’s lip trembled for a second before he bit on it to steady it. 

“Because it was three people being fucked for life. And now we’re fucking up a kid who ain’t got a clue what the fuck he did to end up with parents like us.”

I paused and waited for him to speak again. He was struggling. I was struggling. I’d treated people over the years with issues buried oceans deep, but Mickey was dealing with issues just under the surface. They were threatening to spill over and he was fighting daily to push them down. To bury them. I didn’t have long to reverse his thinking before it changed him for good. 

“When did you get married?” 

“Few months before Yev was born.”

“When you were, what, 19?”

“Yep.”

“Did you get married because of Yev?”

“No.”

“You’re doing it again.” I reminded him. 

Mickey sighed and bowed his head. “Sorry. This isn’t easy. We got married because if we didn’t...well...it wasn’t an option. Terry had the power. Not us.”

“Your father.”

Mickey nodded. “He...um...caught me with Ian. Came home early and found us at the house.”

“Having sex?”

“Yeah. An hour earlier and he woulda caught us fast asleep together in my bed, snuggled up like proper fairies. Our first night together. Sleeping in the same bed. But nope, caught us fuckin on the sofa instead. Man, his timing was always fuckin shitty.”

I smiled sardonically at his smirk. 

“That night, before it went wrong with Terry, it was a happy memory?” I asked, pen poised. 

Mickey’s haunted smile caught him off guard. “Best night of my life.”

I sucked in a breath and made a note. 

“How so?”

Mickey rubbed his hand over his face. “It was the first time...I got to have a boyfriend. I got to pretend I could live like I wanted to. With Ian, eating pizza and watching shitty action movies then sharing my bed. Not having to get each other off in under three minutes hiding from the world. That was the last time too, really. I can’t remember another time I felt like that.”

“How did you feel?”

Silence. Long. Ass. Silence. 

Mickey licked his cracked lips. “Free.”

I felt an inexplicable urge to cry for this man. Whatever he was about to tell me would change the course of his life forever and not in the best way. 

“Are you okay to continue?” I asked him softly. 

Mickey chuckled darkly. “Are you?”

I smiled back. “I think we need a coffee first.”

“Sure.” Mickey agreed easily. 

Once we were settled again with a drink, I asked the question I really didn’t want an answer to. 

“What happened when Terry found you?”

Mickey sighed in defeat. “We’re really doing this, huh?”

“Yeah Mickey. I think we gotta.” I smiled encouragingly. 

“Alright. But if I cry you don’t write that shit down okay?”

My throat tightened and I nodded. “Sure.”

“He nearly killed me. Pistol whipped me until I was barely conscious. Made Ian watch at gunpoint. Called me an AIDS monkey.”

I swallowed thickly and waited for more. 

“Then he called one of his guys and got a Russian hooker to come to the house. She’d been in Chicago for a couple of months working in a massage place, barely spoke a word of English. Terry pointed a gun at the three of us and made me fuck her. She had to ‘fuck the faggot out of me’...so that’s what happened. I fucked her in front of Ian.”

His words were robotic. He was giving the facts like it happened to someone else. 

“I’m sorry that happened to you Mickey.” I said quietly. 

“Yeah. Me too.” He sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. 

“How did it change your relationship with Ian?”

Mickey let out a dark laugh. “I barely even had a relationship with him at that point. We were fucking. But that night made me think I could have it all. On the down low, but still. It made me think about him differently. Then Terry happened and it all went away. I couldn’t even look at him anymore. He tracked me down and tried to get me to talk about it and you know what I did?”

I tilted my head. “What did you do?”

“I beat the shit out of him.” Mickey looked like he was going to be sick. I leaned closer, ready to throw my trash bin at him if he did hurl, but he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He was fighting the memory. 

“I did to him what Terry did to me.” He added. 

“How did you feel when it happened?”

“Orin. Dude. You gotta stop asking questions you know the answer to, man.” He grimaced. 

“I want you to tell me.” I replied softly. 

“I felt like I wanted to die.” He whispered the words I had suspected were lurking there somewhere. 

“Did you talk to Ian afterward?”

Mickey stared at his hands. “Terry had told me that Lana was pregnant and I was gonna marry her. I figured that was the end for Ian and me. Whatever was or wasn’t there had to stop. Only he turned up on my wedding day, basically told me he loved me and we fucked in the basement of the hall while my whole family were upstairs waiting for the wedding to start. He thought I was gonna run out on my wedding for him. I hurt him all over again when I married her anyway.”

I nodded slowly. “And why didn’t you run out?”

“Because I loved him too.” Mickey replied immediately, like he had anticipated the question. “And I couldn’t let him get hurt. Terry would have killed him and make me watch, then make me live with it for the rest of my life...”

“You did what you had to do.” I said simply. 

“Yeah. I did. Only Ian didn’t understand. Couldn’t understand. Whatever. He came to see me and told me he was leaving. Enlisting to get his ass blown off in some desert somewhere. He stole his brother’s ID cuz he was too young. That’s how badly he wanted away from me.” Mickey mumbled. 

“Love makes even the most sane person do crazy things.” I offered with a smile. 

“Yeah. Well. It got a whole lot crazier after that.”

I raised my eyebrows and Mickey smiled back at me wryly. 

“What? You thought that was it?” He teased. 

“I _hoped_ that was it.” I smiled. 

“Not by a long way Orin.”

“Enough for today though. We can pick this up next week.” 

“Sure.” He shrugged and I saw the heavy defeat in his eyes. 

“What’s going on with you this weekend?” I asked him. 

“Piss test, Little League and work.” He reeled off with a happy grin. 

“Sounds good, Mickey.” I nodded. 

He rose to his feet. “It does, doesn’t it?”

I watched him leave and wondered how the fuck I was going to navigate this mess. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy turns into a walk in the park.

It had been a tough weekend. My mom wasn’t doing great and her carers were on my ass to move her to a specialist dementia facility. I didn’t have that kind of money. It made me feel like the shittiest person in the world when I left her behind in that shit hole but I just didn’t have another option. When Mickey arrived for his session I wasn’t really in the mood to get deep and heavy. I wasn’t really sure Mickey was ready for more either. 

“Hey Orin. How was your weekend?”

I smiled sadly. “Not the best. What about you?”

He shrugged. “Meh. Kid won his baseball game so we went for ice cream to celebrate. He ate too much and threw up all night.”

I chuckled softly. “Nice. God. I can’t remember the last time I had ice cream.”

“It’s my guilty pleasure. I love the stuff.” Mickey admitted with a shy grin. 

I tilted my head. “Let’s go get some.”

“What? Now?”

“Sure.”

“It’s nine in the morning, Orin.” 

“You’re such a Dad.” I teased. 

His eyebrows rose. “I know, right? I hear myself sometimes and wonder who the fuck I am! Come on then.”

I grabbed my keys and wallet. “Let’s go.”

We walked two blocks to a bodega and grabbed some mini Ben and Jerry tubs from the freezer. 

“Going to see Ian tomorrow?”

Mickey nodded. “Yup.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Seems fine. He’s working in the infirmary so he’s keeping busy. He was an EMT...before.”

“Hmm. Good he can keep using his skills right?”

“Yeah. Ian needs to feel needed.” He smiled distantly. 

“And what do you need?” I asked when we walked back to my office, eating our ice cream from tiny plastic spoons. 

“Me?”

“Yes. You.”

Mickey hesitated. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what you need to feel good?” I pressed. 

“I never really had to think about it before.”

“Think about it now.”

Mickey shot me a look of dismay. He seemed to like questions he knew the answer to immediately, even if they weren’t questions he wanted to answer. 

“I need routine.” He said finally, almost under his breath. 

“Tell me more.”

“I guess that’s why I’ve always been alright in prison...juvie...I can do the repetitive shit. It fucks some people in the head but I like it.”

“What do you like about it?” I was slowing my gait so we had longer before we reached the office. I liked where this was going. 

Mickey naturally fell into step with me. “It settles me down, I guess. I don’t get so wound up about shit. I like the control it gives me over stuff. Jesus. I sound like a fuckin retard.”

I barked a laugh. “You’re not telling me anything I haven’t heard before. Control is a powerful feeling.”

“Yeah. I never had any when I was a kid. Or when I met Ian. Everything was always decided for me. How I had to be. What I had to do. Who I could fuck. Who I could love.”

“Hmm.”

“I hated the chaos.” He added. 

“At home?”

“Yeah. When my mom died, Terry didn’t put himself forward for Dad of the Year. We never knew when we were next gonna eat. We never had hot water. Some days we didn’t have water at all. I was constantly running and looking over my shoulder so I could steal for us. I hated it. I just wanted to fuck around like a normal kid.”

“How did you feel when all this was happening?”

My office was looming in the distance. 

“Angry.” Mickey answered calmly. 

“And now? When you don’t have control?”

“Angry.”

I smiled encouragingly. “Let’s keep walking. It’s a nice day.”

We walked past the front door to my building and towards the park over the road at the next block. 

“Have you ever had any support with anger management?”

He shook his head and tossed his carton in the trash can at the gate to the park. “Nope.”

“Was it offered?”

“Nope.”

“So how do you work past it now?”

Mickey blushed. “Well for the last few months, Ian.”

I chuckled. “Ahh. The age old stress relief.”

“Hey. If it works, it works.” Mickey laughed. 

“Absolutely. What about now?”

“Now I don’t got anyone telling me what I need to do. What I gotta be. I get to be in control.”

“That’s good. Have you thought about how that will change when Ian is released?”

“What do you mean?”

I chose my words carefully. “The very nature of his bipolar condition means he is not always in control. How will that impact you?”

Mickey’s nostrils flared as he fought down the urge to snap at me. I waited for him to take a breath. 

“I think we didn’t work out before because I needed him to be medicated and he couldn’t do it. I wanted to control him. Force him to take his pills and be stable so I could feel normal. That wasn’t right. I wasn’t thinking about him. Not really. I wanted to wake up knowing what the day would bring. Ian couldn’t live that way. So I pushed and I pushed and it broke us up.”

He trailed off and I saw on his face he was spiralling in his mind. 

“But you are back together now.”

Mickey cracked a smile. It was almost beautiful. 

“Yeah. Turns out I need him more than I need control.”

I nodded. “How will you react if he suffers a setback when he’s out?”

We’d reached the small body of water in the middle of the park. I gestured to a bench and Mickey sat down. 

“I need to remember it’s not all about me.”

“What else?”

“Find a way. I just gotta find a way.”

“A way to what?”

“Make it work. There’s no other option, Orin. I’ve tried them all. I’ve been locked up away from him. I’ve lived in a different country. I can’t do this without him so I just gotta make it work.”

I nodded along. “You can get support. Couples therapy could be an option. It sounds like you and Ian need to start off your new life together on the same page.”

Mickey glanced at me sideways and smiled jovially. “You touting for business, Orin?”

I laughed out loud and shook my head. “I don’t really do couples therapy. But it definitely has benefits, so think on it.”

“I’ll talk to Ian about it tomorrow.” He replied and that strange feeling I was starting to recognize as hope fizzed in my chest again. 

“You working tonight?” I asked him as we stood up and started the walk back to my office. 

“Yeah. I start at seven. Means I can pick the kid up from school and give him his dinner before I take him back to his mom’s.”

“That’s nice. Sounds like you have a good set up with custody.” I remarked. 

Mickey smiled shyly. “She’s been real good. She’s an awesome mom.”

“Nice to hear.” I grinned. 

“Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got our issues. But she didn’t ask for this shit either. Took me a long time to realize that.”

We’d reached the building and I got my keys ready to open the door. 

“Good session today, Mickey.”

“Yeah. I think so too. You doing okay?” He surprised me by looking concerned. 

“I’m okay. My mom isn’t going so great these days. This weekend was tough.”

“Sorry to hear that, man.” Mickey gave me a gentle smile. 

“Thanks Mickey. See you Wednesday.”

“See ya, Orin.” Mickey waved cheerfully and headed off down the block. 

Today had been a good day. 


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey takes a trip back in time.

I got a surprise call the following evening as I was getting ready to leave for the day and head to see my mom, hoping that she knew I was her son that day. At the weekend she’d introduced me to all the nurses as her grandfather. It fucking killed me. 

“Orin Campbell.” I picked up my desk phone. 

“Dr Campbell. This is Officer Logan from Beckman Correctional. I wonder if I could have a word about one of our upcoming parolees.” 

I snickered into the phone. “Oh yeah?”

“Name of Ian Gallagher. You know of him?”

“Sure.” I wasn’t giving anything away to this man without knowing his motives. I may be forced to work with the judicial system to pay my bills but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. 

“You’re currently assigned to Mikhailo Milkovich. Is that correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Gallagher got a visit from Milkovich today. Told him all the good stuff you’re doing for him. Now Gallagher wants you when gets out.” Logan explained. 

“No can do, I’m afraid. Conflict of interest with my existing client. I can recommend someone else...”

“He asked if he could get assigned to you with Milkovich. Couples therapy or some bullshit.” Logan muttered and I knew immediately what he thought of Mickey and his boyfriend. 

“I don’t do couples therapy.” I stated bluntly. 

Logan coughed uncomfortably. “Look Campbell, our hands are tied here a little. The kid approached us with a rehabilitation request. We’re not supposed to turn those down. If he’s showing willing then we have to.”

“Well you’re gonna have to. I’ll talk to Mickey about it tomorrow. I’ll come up with something.” I sighed heavily. 

“I’ll call back tomorrow. Same time.”

“Fine.” I dropped the handset into the cradle and rubbed my eyes roughly. 

_Fucking hell, Mickey._

Mickey was in my office at nine as usual. He always looked happier on a Wednesday when he’d seen Ian. 

“Hey Orin.” He greeted brightly. “How’s your mom?”

I smiled bleakly. “Last night was better. How are you?”

“Good.” He slipped into his seat. 

“Got a call from Officer Logan last night.” I told him and watched as his face screwed up. 

“What did that homophobic asshole want?”

I smirked. “Ian talked to him about a rehab request. Wants to see me for counselling.”

Mickey nodded. “He said he’d talk to them.”

“I can’t see Ian and you, Mickey. It’s a conflict of interest.” I said softly. 

Mickey frowned. “I guess...”

“We’re making some great progress here. If I was working with Ian too it would change things. But I can refer him to someone else. I have a good friend, she’s a brilliant therapist. I could call in a favor to get her. She’s his best shot.”

Mickey smiled at me. “Is she better than you?”

“Fuck yeah.” I laughed. 

“I’ll see her, you can have Ian.” He teased and we chuckled together for a moment. 

“I’ll make the call when we’re done. Tell Ian it’s a good idea.”

“I will.”

“And if we’re making good progress nearer the time he gets out...maybe we can see about doing a joint session once a week.”

Mickey’s eyes lit up. “Yeah?”

“We can definitely consider it.”

“Thanks Orin.” He beamed. “Ian says I seem different.”

“How so?”

“The word he used was lighter. Whatever the fuck that is.”

I smiled. “That sounds like a good thing.”

“He said so.” Mickey shrugged. “Said I looked taller, too. Fuck. Do you think he’s off his meds?”

I couldn’t help the tiny bubble of laughter that escaped me when his expression turned to panic. 

“No! I think he’s just very astute.” I replied. “I think he means you look like you have a weight lifted from you. And that makes you hold your head up higher.”

Mickey opened his mouth to argue but finally just mouthed. “Oh.”

“Face it, Mickey. This therapy bullshit is working out okay for you.” I teased. 

Mickey laughed merrily. “If you say so, Doc.”

“I do. So...not to bring down the mood or anything...”

Mickey’s lips quirked into a smile as I continued. 

“Can we go back to when you were young...I’d like you to talk about your home life.”

Mickey winced but nodded. “Okay. What do you want to know?”

I picked up my pen. “What was it like in your house when you were a child?”

Mickey raised his brows. “Is it weird that I don’t really remember very much?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I hardly have any memories from when I was a little kid. A few things stick in my head. But mostly I don’t remember any of it. Not really.”

“What do you remember?” I probed gently. 

Mickey swiped his thumb over his bottom lip. “I remember Mandy...my sister...crawling all over the house. I guess I was like three years old maybe. She put her hand in an ash tray someone left on the floor and burned her hand. She screamed the place down.”

“What did you do?”

“I...uh...got a cup of water and stuck her hand in it.”

“When you were three?” I gaped at him. 

He was pale as he nodded. “I had to climb into the bath tub and turn on the tap in there cuz I couldn’t reach the sink. I was scared. She wouldn’t stop crying. The water seemed to help.”

“You did good.” I told him and he lowered his eyes, unable to accept praise for something so long ago. I wasn’t sure he’d ever learned how to accept praise. “What else do you remember?”

“When I was seven, Terry kicked my ass cuz some kid stole my bike. I was pretty chewed up about it. I loved that bike. But the kid was in junior high so he was way bigger. When I told Terry I thought he’d help me get it back. He flipped his shit and beat the crap outta me for being a pussy and letting it happen. Which is ironic...cuz he stole the bike for me in the first place.” I watched as his face contorted as different emotions warred in his mind. 

I coughed gently. “You understand now that you’re a father...what he did wasn’t right. He should’ve done what you expected him to do.”

Mickey met my gaze with a defeated smile. “All I know about being a father is reversing Terry’s playbook.”

“Good place to start.” I grinned. “It seems to me you’re doing great with your son.”

“He’s an easy kid. He’s smart, he’s sweet. He behaves himself. I don’t really have to use a playbook with him. If I’d been more like him when I was a kid, maybe I wouldn’t have pissed Terry off so much.” Mickey explained. 

I was horrified. He thought it was his fault?

“Mickey...you know that’s not how it works.”

“Trust me, Orin. I know.”

“How do you feel looking back on that time of your life?”

Mickey rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I dunno. Part of me is just glad it’s over and I don’t think about it at all.”

“And the other part?”

“I feel angry that it happened. Ashamed that I let it. Proud that I survived it. I don’t know. It’s hard to look back.” He mumbled. 

“I know. I understand. It’s painful to go over it but it sounds like you’ve never really worked out how to get past that time. What do you think you could have done to stop it?” I asked, my voice gentle. 

Mickey bounced his knee. “I don’t think anything could have stopped it.”

“I agree.” I told him softly. “You were a little kid in a shitty situation. You couldn’t rely on the people who were meant to look after you. It wasn’t your fault.”

Mickey smiled serenely. “Yeah.”

“And you should be proud that you survived it. That was the part you did have some control over. You did what you had to do.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Try to remember that. It’s important.”

Mickey took a moment to compose himself and I opened up a packet of Oreo cookies, passing them over to him when I’d taken a couple. 

“You married, Orin?”

“Divorced. Five years ago.” I answered simply. It didn’t fill me with pain, my marriage was over long before we got the paperwork to prove it. 

“Got any kids?”

“Two. My eldest is Sarah, she’s a kindergarten teacher in Maine. My son Jack is a graphic designer. He lives in New Jersey with his boyfriend Marco.”

Mickey raised his eyes to mine and I laughed. “You’re not the first gay kid I’ve had to talk to, Mick.”

“No shit. How old is he?”

“26. He went to college there, met his partner and never came back home. He’s doing great. Miss him like hell some days.”

“I can imagine. I go a couple days without seeing Yev and I feel like I’m going crazy. And deaf. How _much_ do kids talk?” He joked and we chuckled at the truth in that statement. 

“Your kid is at the inquisitive age, Mickey. But don’t worry. It only lasts about a decade.” I teased. 

“His favorite word is ‘why’ and fuck knows there ain’t always an answer. Ian’s always been better with that stuff. He’s got the patience of a saint.” He told me softly. 

“You’ll make a good team when you’re back together in the real world.” I stated with confidence. 

“Yeah?” He smiled nervously at the thought. 

I smiled brightly and nodded, just as the buzzer went off to end our session. 

“Take care Mickey.”

“Bye Orin. Hope your mom is okay.”

“Thanks.” I waved him off. 

Another good day. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so begins a Friday tradition.

It was another lovely day in Chicago when Mickey arrived for his Friday session. 

“Ice cream?” He grinned from the doorway and I laughed, grabbing up my wallet. 

“Sure. How’s things?” 

We headed out onto the sidewalk and turned towards the bodega. 

“Not complaining. What about you?”

I almost fell into my half-assed response whenever I was asked that but something stopped me. Maybe it was that I thought Mickey actually wanted to know how I was. Or at least he seemed like he did. 

“Not so good.” I replied. It lifted my heart to see Mickey’s expression darken and his eyes meet mine, silently asking me more. 

“My mom doesn’t know who I am anymore. Some days I see a little flash of the real person in there. But most days she’s just this shell of a woman I don’t recognize.”

We fell into step alongside each other and I felt Mickey’s energy crackling as he thought about what to say. 

“I know it’s not the same...but when Ian was really bad and ended up hospitalized...he became this person I didn’t know. I knew he was sick and that it wasn’t his fault, but I just felt so useless. I know it won’t get better for you. There’s no magic pill for your mom. I guess what I’m trying to say is I understand what you’re feeling right now. And if you wanna vent then that’s okay.”

I glanced sideways to Mickey and caught his eye, smiling gratefully. “Thanks. Not really how these sessions are supposed to go, but thanks.”

Mickey grinned. “Who the fuck cares? I’ve already said way more to you than I ever planned to, so anything else is a bonus.”

I chuckled at his logic. “Okay, what’s it gonna be this week? Cookie dough or fudge?”

Mickey gave it a lot of thought. “Cookie dough.”

I grabbed two and paid at the register, handing one off to Mickey as we headed back out onto the street. 

“I need to change my appointment for Friday. The kid has got a sports day. That okay?”

I smiled. “Sure. You doing the father’s race?”

Mickey blushed. “Yeah. I’m dreading it but the kid is super excited.”

“Why’re you dreading it?”

“I’m so not an athlete.”

“Just pretend you got the cops chasing you again, that should speed you up.” I quipped. 

Mickey’s jaw dropped open and he laughed in surprise. “Damn Orin, that’s cold!”

I grinned. “Anyway...something I wanna go back to today...”

“I love this part.” Mickey drawled. 

“You mean the therapy part? As in the reason you’re here part?” I smirked. 

Mickey just laughed and ate his ice cream. 

“When you were young, you took on an almost parental role. At least towards your sister. Then later, when you handed yourself in to be with Ian, you said it was because it was your fault he ended up there.”

“Yeah...” Mickey agreed with my summary. 

“What is it that makes you feel responsible for people?” I asked. 

Mickey kept his focus on his tiny spoon as we walked into my office building. He didn’t respond as we made our way into my room and closed the door behind us. 

“It’s not really ‘people’. It just them, I think.”

We sat down and I paused for Mickey to elaborate. 

“I dunno what I mean.” He sighed in frustration. “They needed me. So I became responsible for them. Mandy was a kid. Ian was sick.”

“How many people do you love?” I redirected the question. 

“Love? The fuck should I know?”

I smiled knowingly. “Mickey, come on. I know you know what love is. And I know you feel it.”

His cheeks flushed pink. “Three. Maybe three and a half.”

“You know a half-person?” I gasped dramatically and laughed. 

Mickey rolled his eyes but smiled too. “I mean, I guess I half love someone. Maybe. I dunno.”

“Your son, Ian and your sister being the three?”

“Yes.”

“And Yev’s mom being the half?” I guessed. 

Mickey’s face was now glowing red. “I think so. I dunno, Orin. I spent so long hating her but now I can’t understand what I thought she could’ve done better. Her life was just as fucked as mine but at the time I assumed she would be happy she got a roof over her head. I was so self-absorbed.”

“But you’ve forged a good relationship with her now. You respect her.” I replied. 

Mickey nodded. “Yeah. She’s a strong motherfucker. Stronger than I ever was.”

“How does she feel about Ian?” I probed. 

Mickey’s face lit up with a genuine smile. “She fuckin hated his guts when she first met him...well, after the first time. She saw him as the thing that could come between her having a decent life here and being back on the streets with a kid. But then I came out and Ian basically moved in and Jesus...they became this little crack team. She’d teach him Russian, he’d look after Yev when went to work, he did grocery shopping and she’d show him how to make that weird food that she eats. They got close. I mean...Ian kidnapping Yev wasn’t great for their relationship but she knew he was sick. She got over it.”

My eyes bulged. “Ian did what?”

Mickey shrugged. “It was just before he got locked up on the psych ward. He was manic and I told him I was taking him to the hospital. He split and took Yev with him on a road trip to fuckin Disneyland. He got picked up by the cops and we had to get him into a hospital.”

“We?”

“His family. They knew the signs. Their mom is bipolar... _was_ bipolar. She’s dead now. Part of the reason Ian came off his meds after he left me on the border.”

“How did you feel about Ian when he took your son?”

Mickey sat back in his chair and closed his eyes briefly. Finally he sucked in a breath. 

“It’s when I knew I could love someone and hate someone at the same time.”

I make a quick note and smile reassuringly. “It’s more common than you think. How did you get past it?”

Mickey shrugged. “I loved him more than I hated him, I guess. Yev was fine. He didn’t have a fuckin clue what had happened. When he saw Ian again after he was still his hero. Lana was pissed but once Yev was safe she calmed down. Ian going away nearly killed me but we both needed it.”

“Do you ever feel like you could hate him now?” I asked. 

Mickey smiled shyly. “Nah. I spent every day for over a year living in the same rabbit hutch as him. Only thing we could do is talk or fuck.”

“So you talked?”

“Had to, man. You seen the price of lube these days?” He joked with a laugh. 

I grinned and shook my head. “Funnily enough, no. I guess you guys had to ration your supply.”

“Yup. Not my preferred option but whatever.”

“What did you talk about?” 

Mickey’s eyes widened. “Everything. Every damn thing that we ever went through together. Terry. My closeted way of fucking girls in the neighborhood. Lana. Yev. Bipolar. His thing for sleeping with old men for money or drugs. His mom. My mom. You name it, we had to talk about it. Ian’s a shrink in disguise, Orin.”

I chortled happily to myself. “Really? Well we could certainly use someone with his experience.”

“He’s got plenty of that.”

“How do you feel about him being released soon?”

Mickey picked at the skin on his thumb. “I can’t wait to see him again...properly. So I can touch him. Not like that...just hold him. But I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Fucking it up again. Not being enough for him to stay on his meds. Your question about how I would handle a setback has stuck in my head for days...” Mickey sighed harshly. 

“Is your answer different now you’ve thought about it?”

Mickey gave me a sad, twisted smile. “Not really, no. But when I think about it, I start to think that it should be different. If he’s not on his meds and he’s choosing to be that way...well I gotta look out for my kid. I’m scared if I gotta make that call I will put Ian above Yev again.”

“Is that something you’ve talked to Ian about?”

Mickey nodded. “Ian is a million percent committed to staying stable and being a family when he gets out. I want to believe him. But I believed him before and he blew up a van on tv.”

“So I suppose for you, seeing is believing.”

Mickey nodded again, more firmly this time. “I guess so.”

The buzzer went off and I knocked it off. Mickey reached his hand over the desk and I shook it. 

“Thanks Orin. I know I probably don’t make this easy for you...but I want you to know it’s making a difference for me.”

My heart squeezed tightly in my chest. “That’s good to hear, Mickey.”

“See you next week.” He smiled shyly. 

“Take care.”

I read over the notes I’d made and sighed softly to the empty room. I couldn’t remember meeting a more conflicted person in my entire career. I spent the next half hour looking through my texts, published papers and previous case notes for a place to start with Mickey’s next steps. 

A good day. Sort of. 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey gets some good news and Orin asks a question that has been preying on his mind.

Mickey virtually bounced into my office for his Monday appointment. He was beaming from ear to ear. 

“Hey Orin. How was your mom this weekend?”

I gazed at him as he sat down opposite me and bounced his knees together. I smiled at the knowledge that even though he obviously was sitting on some good news, he still wanted to hear about my stuff. 

“She was okay, thanks. We got out for a walk along the pier for a while. She seemed to enjoy it. Jack is visiting next weekend so that should be interesting.”

Mickey grinned at me. “That’s cool! Been a while since you saw him?”

“Yup, Christmas. Okay Mickey. What’s your news? Tell me before you spontaneously combust.” I chuckled. 

“Six weeks.” He exhaled loudly. “He gets out in six weeks.”

My eyes snapped to meet Mickey’s. “Really?”

He nodded happily. “They reviewed his parole application early. He’s not a danger to society and he’s asked to see a shrink. So they said yes.”

I smiled warmly at his excitement. “That’s fantastic. I’m happy for you.”

I didn’t want to spoil his mood but his news only made the time we had shorter. Once Ian was released, as great as that would be, it would change Mickey’s routine and could affect his time with me. 

“You good to start?” I smiled softly. 

Mickey tilted his head and smirked. “I’m good. Nothing can bring me down today.”

I chuckled. “Challenge accepted.”

“Orin, man, you’re so funny.” Mickey giggled. 

I’d never really heard him giggle before. Not like this. He was like a kid without a care in the world. 

“Alright...talk to me about your time in Mexico.”

“What about it?” He replied. “It fuckin sucked.”

“Because Ian didn’t go with you?”

“Nah. I mean, that wasn’t ideal. But once it was done I had to deal.”

“So what did you hate about it?”

“Have you seen me? What about me suggests I’d cope well in that climate?”

I couldn’t fight my smile. “Hmm.”

“I got a job working in a few bars on the strip. They were all owned by one guy. I started off doing security. Broke up one bar fight and he thought it would be a good career for me. I started knocking around rich dumb kids on spring break and then moved on to supplying party favors. Worked my way up from there.”

“Your bread and butter huh.”

“That’s right. Only thing I’ve ever been good at! Just hated that I was sweating my balls off in that shit hole and going back to where I was years ago.”

“In the closet.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t be gay around those people.”

“You’d come a long way to have to go back to living like that.”

“I did what I had to do to survive. I was at their mercy.”

“It’s not a bad thing to know how to survive.” I assured him but he just shrugged dismissively.

“What’s the plan when Ian is released?”

“Dunno if we’ve really got a plan. He’s trying to get permission to live at my place but he’s not really supposed to consort with known felons.” Mickey smirked darkly. “Which rules out all of his friends and family.”

I laughed softly. “Let me know if you need me to write you a letter of recommendation.”

“You’d do that?” Mickey jolted in surprise. 

“Sure. Sounds like you need all the help you can get.”

“Orin, that would be amazing.”

“I’ll email it to Beckman this week.”

“Jesus. I got lucky with you.”

I nodded. “You sure did. Now...let’s talk about you. I need to ask you about something that’s played on my mind for a while.”

“You shouldn’t be wasting your time worrying about something I’ve said.” Mickey joked, his eyes lowering to the floor. 

Jesus. Has this kid ever experienced what it’s like to have someone care about him?

“Well I have.” I stared calmly. “You told me that when you hurt Ian you felt like you wanted to die.”

Mickey coughed like he had something stuck in his throat. “Yeah. I did.”

“Did you seriously think about harming yourself?”

“Yes.”

I gazed at him across the desk. It was just slightly more than arms length away but it felt like miles and miles. 

“Tell me about that.” I almost pleaded. 

Mickey scratched at a knot in the wood on my desk. “It’s so long ago, Orin.”

“I think it still matters.” I replied gently. 

Mickey’s eyes darted around the room. “I...uh...where we used to hang out...they were empty warehouse buildings. We’d sneak in there sometimes. When it happened...with Terry...I went there. I took a .45 and I didn’t think I would go home.”

“But you did.”

“I don’t remember much about it. I just kept seeing Ian’s face. His stupid, dumb freckled face staring at me. Telling me not to do it.”

I smiled softly. “I’m glad you didn't.”

Mickey sighed heavily. “I was too chicken shit to finish the job.”

“You still had something to live for, even if you couldn’t admit it at the time.”

“I guess.” Mickey shrugged. 

“Have you thought about it since then?”

Mickey shook his head. “Nah. I fuckin hated my life when I thought Ian was away dodging bullets in the desert but I knew I couldn’t do it. I knew I needed to wait around for him. Even if he didn’t want me, I was selfish and still wanted him.”

I smiled warmly and let Mickey catch his breath. 

“And now I’ve got Yev...I ain’t going anywhere.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“Yeah well. My dad was a piece of shit who didn’t do anything for us. I am not gonna be that guy for my son.” Mickey chewed on his thumb. 

“I’m proud of you, Mickey.”

He blushed adorably and reminded me of my Jack for a moment. He’d always been a sweet kid. 

“So...tell me how you think these session have affected you since we started.”

Mickey met my smiling gaze and laughed. “Are you fishing for compliments, Orin?”

“Maybe.” I grinned. 

“Well...I’m amazed I’ve talked so much.”

“Has it helped?”

“Yeah. Sure. I read this thing when I was locked up. It was different types of therapy. Some you go over and over the same things until you dunno if you remember them for real in the first place. Some you get to sit in silence until someone cracks. I dunno. I guess I had this idea in my mind that it was gonna fuckin suck when I got here. But really...all I gotta do is talk about my life and be honest. I can do that.” Mickey spoke calmly and methodically. 

“You’ve done really well.” I agreed. 

“And you don’t tell me how I should act or how I should feel. You let me talk it out. And once the words are out there...it makes it easier to see how it should be.” He added. 

“That’s when you deal with things best. When you get there on your own.” I smiled. 

“I think of it as sorting out my words. My thoughts. My memories. Packing them away in boxes when I’ve sorted through them. All neat and tidy. Like I know where everything is in my mind if I need to find it again.”

I laughed happily. “That’s exactly it. You’ve nailed it.”

Mickey rubbed his hands over his face. “I just want him back, Orin. I got everything in my life lined up and ready to go for the long term. I just want Ian back.”

“Six weeks, Mick. You’re almost there.”

A tear slid down his pale white face. “I miss him like crazy.”

“I know.” My throat tightened. 

“I need this to work out for us. I don’t have a Plan B. Or C. Or whatever the hell version of a plan this is.” He mumbled and wiped at his eyes hastily. 

“You’re doing great.” I promised. 

The buzzer was loud in the tense room. I hit it to silence it and it skittered off my desk and onto the floor beside Mickey’s foot. He bent down to retrieve it and place it gently on my desk. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get emotional.” He whispered, solemnly and brokenly. 

“That’s alright with me, Mickey. This is your time. Nobody needs to know anything.”

He nodded and stood up. “Six weeks. I can do this.” 

“You can. And you will.” I grinned at his self-cheerleading methods. “I’ll work on that letter tonight.”

“You’re the best.”

I smiled at Mickey’s wink. “You owe me an ice cream.”

“Next one is on me.” He smiled softly. “Bye Orin.”

“See ya next time, Mick.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin writes his letter of recommendation.

I spent way longer on the letter of recommendation for Mickey than I ever had on something like that before. I wrote it, edited it, reworded it and read it out loud more times than I’d care to admit. Finally I was happy with it and emailed it over to my contact at Beckman. I got a response an hour later, thanking me for my input and confirming it had been added to Ian Gallagher’s parole application. 

Mickey arrived for his Friday session late in the afternoon. We sat down with a coffee and I handed him a printed copy of the email I’d sent over to Beckman. 

“Read it out loud.” I told him, settling back in my seat. 

“Why?” Mickey’s brows knitted together. 

“Because that’s my masterpiece and it deserves some air time.” I grinned. 

Mickey’s eyes rolled in dismay. “You’re serious?”

“You can read, right?”

“I’ll let you know if I get stuck on the big words.” He drawled and made me chuckle. 

“Go for it. You need to hear this.” I prompted. 

Mickey took a breath and read from the sheet of paper, both of us pretending we didn’t notice his hands trembling. 

“Mikhailo Milkovich was referred to my office following his paroled release from Beckman Correctional facility in May 2019. I have spent three hours a week with him for the last three weeks and in this time I have found Mikhailo to be one of the most caring and nurturing individuals I have ever met. His issues around anger and violence appear to be borne of frustration and an inability to work through some personal aspects of his life. In particular, his sexual orientation and its impact on his already difficult family life. Mikhailo has shown a great strength of character to overcome the pressure his issues have placed upon him and continues to make great strides in his weekly therapy sessions. One topic we cover regularly is his personal relationship with Ian Gallagher. To the best of my understanding, Mikhailo and Mr Gallagher have been in a romantic relationship for close to ten years and have remained in a co-dependent couple for the majority of this time. Mikhailo has demonstrated to me his desire to live a “normal” and routine existence when Mr Gallagher is released from his incarceration. I believe this will be of mutual benefit to both parties, given their commitment to forging a new, law-abiding life together with regular access to Mikhailo‘s son. Mikhailo has struggled with his issues for many years but in the last few weeks alone I have seen great potential for him to be a valuable member of society. He is in steady employment and has a home that his parole officer has signed off as appropriate for his needs and those of his six year old son. I do not doubt Mikhailo is able to provide a stable and caring environment for Mr Gallagher to be released into and I am confident the couple will be able to function in society. I am in agreement with Mikhailo and Mr Gallagher to provide further weekly sessions of couple-focused behavioural therapy. While I appreciate known felons consorting is not usually allowed in the case of released parolees, I truly believe that no detriment will come to either man should they be able to reside in the same property and continue their romantic relationship. Please accept this as a formal recommendation that Mr Gallagher should be able to resume all aspects of his relationship with Mikhailo Milkovich upon his release. Kindest regards, Dr Orin Campbell.”

Mickey tossed the paper onto the desk in front of him and lowered his head, trembling and breathing deeply. 

“You okay, Mickey?” I asked gently. 

After a beat, Mickey scrubbed his face with his hands and looked up at me. 

“You really think that about me?”

“Jesus Mickey. Of course I do!”

“But...why?” 

His mumbled question hurt me to my very core. 

“Mickey, you are worthy of good things. I want to help you get them.”

“Fuck. I feel like an idiot for getting upset all the time.”

I smiled warmly. “It’s good to let it out.”

“Thank you. For this. For helping me. And Ian.”

“You’ve done the hard work.” I told him firmly. 

He wiped at his face again. “Whatever. Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure. Now get out of here.”

Mickey glanced at the clock in surprise. “It’s only been twenty minutes.”

I shrugged. “I can lie on a time log as well as the best of them. Get out of here and start your weekend. Next week we’ve got some serious work to get through to prepare you for Ian coming out.”

Mickey grinned. “Seriously? Orin, you are awesome!”

“I know.” I winked. “Go on. I’ve got a weekend of my son being freaked that his grandma isn’t the same person he grew up with. I need a strong drink tonight.”

“Yeah? Come by the Alibi after 8 tonight and I’ll be working. Drinks on me.” Mickey rose to his feet. 

“I might just do that. See you later Mickey.”

“See ya Orin.”

Jack arrived at my apartment at 6 that night and hugged me tightly. 

“Hey Dad. Missed you.”

“Missed you too, Jay.”

I helped him in with his weekend bag and set him up in my spare room before he joined me in the kitchen as I cooked dinner. Well, dinner was a stretch. Pasta and sauce was my main attraction in the culinary stakes. I asked Jack a ton of questions about work and about Marco and about New Jersey. It was great to catch up. When he asked me about my work I found myself telling him a little about Mickey. At least, I told him stuff that wasn’t personal to his sessions. 

“He works in a bar not far from here. Said I should pop in for a drink.” I finished. 

“Let’s go.” Jack agreed with a beaming smile. “Something tells me we’re gonna need a drink before we see Grams tomorrow.”

I laughed hollowly, knowing it was a reality. 

“Come on then.”

Mickey was behind the bar when I led Jack into the dive bar. I smiled brightly when I caught his eye and he grinned back at me. 

“Hey Orin. Good to see ya.” He reached over the bar counter and grasped my hand. 

“You too, Mick. This is my son, Jack.”

I watched as Mickey politely sized up my boy and held out his hand. Jack shook it and smiled widely. 

“Hey Mickey. Good to meet you.”

“You too. You guys wanna grab a booth or sit at the bar?”

I climbed onto a bar stool and Jack followed. “We’re good here. Just two beers when you’re ready.”

Mickey saluted and quickly poured our drinks. 

“Cheers.” I hit my glass against Jack’s, who laughed when the froth spilled over. 

I turned back to Mickey. “You got your kid this weekend?”

Mickey nodded and wiped down where I’d sloshed my drink. “Yeah. He’s staying at my place tomorrow night. We’re gonna play Snakes and Ladders for fuckin hours, man. It’s his new favorite thing.”

Jack chuckled. “I loved that game when I was a kid. How old is your son?”

“6, going on 60. He’s funny as fuck.” Mickey laughed.

“That’s cool. I’d love to have kids one day.” Jack replied. 

Mickey smiled back. “Yeah. He wasn’t planned and I was way too young but I guess we’re making it work. He’s a cool kid.”

When Mickey wandered off to serve some guy at the end of the bar, Jack nudged my arm. 

“He’s cute.” He wiggled his brows and grinned. 

I laughed and shook my head. “He’s spoken for.”

“So am I but it’s nice to look.” Jack shrugged. 

“Long as that’s all you do.” I warned teasingly. I knew I didn’t have to worry. Jack wasn’t like that and from what I could gather about Mickey, he was as committed to Ian as Jack was to Marco. 

We sank a few beers and played some pool, chatting to Mickey as he passed between jobs. A tall, well-built guy stood at the bar hatch with a petite black lady, watching Mickey work. I didn’t deliberately eavesdrop but they weren’t talking quietly so I heard every word they said about him. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mickey smile.” The guy noted, nodding to where Mickey was talking to a customer. 

“He’s probably on drugs.” She replied. 

The man-mountain shook his head. “Nah. His PO came by the other to test him. Passed with flying colors. I think he’s excited about Ian getting out.”

She smiled fondly over at Mickey. “It’ll be good to see them back together. He seems different these days. I hope he keeps at it.”

They were distracted by someone entering the bar and left me standing by the pool table, thinking about Mickey. How different he must be that these people could see it. Jack smiled at me. “You like this one, huh?”

I smiled and blushed. “Yeah. He’s a good kid.”

Jack nodded. “Come on. Let’s grab a pizza on the way home.”

I grabbed my jacket and headed to where Mickey was wiping down some tables. 

“We’re heading out. Thanks for the beers.”

Mickey grasped my hand and squeezed it hard. “Thanks for coming by. See you Monday.”

I stepped back and let Jack get in his goodbyes. I winked at Mickey and we left the bar. After seeing him in his natural habitat I knew I didn’t have so much to worry about. Mickey was going to be fine. I’d make sure of it. 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin prepares Mickey for Ian’s release.

I spent the next three sessions with Mickey talking over the fears he had about Ian. At first I saw the conflict within him. He felt guilty talking badly of the man he loved. But I reminded him that Ian had a very serious mental health condition that would need to be managed for the rest of his life. I wanted him to be ready so that there was no mishaps or misunderstandings when Ian arrived on the scene. That got him talking. 

“I’m scared I’m going to put too much pressure on him.” Mickey admitted quietly. 

I nodded. “You think you have done that in the past?”

“I definitely did. We’ve changed so much over the years. When it started, Ian was completely infatuated with me and I needed to _not_ go there!” Mickey smiled at the memory. “Then I fell in love with the stupid fuck anyway and he started backing off.”

“Backing off?”

“Disappearing for weeks at a time. Fooling around with other guys.” Mickey swallowed hard and I saw the discomfort crawling on his skin. “Turns out it was the bipolar. He was running away from it. Or the people who told him he had it. People like me.”

I sighed softly. “Sounds like a rough time.”

“I mean...I could live with the hypersexuality.” Mickey grinned, trying to alleviate the tension. 

I chuckled. “I’m sure.”

“I guess...I’m scared I’m gonna make him go back there. In his mind. Bring back the past.”

“You will, it’s inevitable. But you’re also going to remind him of the good times. The times you were falling in love. Supporting him.” I replied. 

“I hope so. I hope he figures out how to be with me and managed his condition at the same time. We’ve never really done that before.”

I nodded. “Me too. The last year or so...in prison...you two lived together and he stayed stable. So you know it can be done.”

“I know it _can_. How can I be sure it will be that way on the outside? When the real world gets involved...starts shoving their opinions in our faces.” Mickey grumbled. 

I laughed quietly. “That’s gonna be the fun part.”

“I’m scared shitless that he never really loved me.” Mickey blurted out. 

“What makes you think that could be the case?” 

Mickey rose to his feet and paced around my small office. I watched him walk back and forth. 

“If you’re over there you may as well make us a coffee.” I remarked with a smile. 

Mickey seemed to leap at the chance to keep his hands busy. I let him make the drinks and accepted my cup when he handed it to me. 

“We were so young. I mean, Ian was no fuckin angel back then. He fucked around with people he shouldn’t have been with. It was kinda gross. But feelings didn’t really get involved. Until me.”

I absorbed that information, making a note in my ‘couples therapy’ column to remind me to revisit it. Mickey had made several comments over the weeks relating to Ian’s wild and varied sex life outside of their relationship. It was obviously still an issue for Mickey and it would be good to get a resolution for him. 

“And that went both ways?”

“The feelings? Yeah. Guess it did.”

“What makes you think it wasn’t real on Ian’s part? Other than being young.”

Mickey sipped his coffee, wincing when the hot liquid touched his lip. 

“I dunno how much of it was him and how much of it was his fucked up brain.”

“Tell me more...”

“Orin, fuckin hell. I dunno. This is stuff I just got bouncing around in my head. It probably don’t mean shit!” Mickey snapped at me and then lowered his head, like he was ashamed he’d lost his temper with me. 

I laughed thickly and reached into my desk drawer for some cookies. It hadn’t escaped my notice that Mickey was the owner of a raging sweet tooth. 

“I know. But take your time. Think about it.”

Mickey munched on a cookie and washed it down with some coffee. 

“Ian gets weird when he’s having a hard time with the bipolar. The extra energy...it creeps up slowly so you hardly notice it. He’d go on long distance runs that would put an army cadet to shame. He’d bounce around the place like fuckin Tigger. And it was good, y’know? For a while. He was happy. That’s what made it harder to accept he wasn’t right. I felt like I was killing his buzz. But he wasn’t right. And he obsessed over stuff. Stupid things...they’d get into his head and he’d get stuck on a loop. Like one time...we accidentally got a delivery from an airline who thought they’d lost our bag. We kept it and sold the stuff in it...”

I raised my eyebrows but didn’t say anything. Mickey rolled his eyes at me. 

“I know. But we were broke. Anyway, it worked that time and Ian got it in his head that we could make money that way. It got outta control and we ended up with like 200 suitcases in the house. He was obsessed.”

I scratched a note. _Compulsive_. 

“And I guess...I’m scared that he just got it in his head that he loved me and it spiralled from there. He obsessed over it and made it a thing when really it was nothing. I was just another fucking suitcase to him.” Mickey choked out and laughed harshly, swiping away a tear that seemed to appear from nowhere. 

“That’s understandable, Mickey. Bipolar - in my limited personal experience - creates a world where emotions are heightened and then dulled on a rollercoaster basis. It’s very reasonable for you to worry that aspects of your life and your relationship with Ian could be affected by that.” I told him gently. 

Mickey nodded, sniffed and gulped down some coffee. “I can’t trust that any of it was real. I want to. But I’m scared I’m building my life... and my kid’s...on something that wasn’t ever real.”

“Have you talked to Ian about feeling this way?” 

Mickey shrugged. “A little. He just tells me I’m wrong. Of course he loves me. He always has. He was just shit at showing it. I dunno. He gets offended when I talk like this.”

“A guilty conscience.” I smiled softly. 

Mickey laughed. “Yeah. We’re both dragging one of those around with us.”

“Even though you feel like this, you’re still looking forward to having him back. You want him to live in your home.” I stated. 

“Yeah. I have to grow some balls and give him the benefit of the doubt.” Mickey grit his teeth in determination. 

“The last few months must’ve given you an idea of how he really feels about you.”

Mickey’s expression turned wistful. “It was amazing, Orin. I was locked up, looking over my shoulder for loco Mexicans with a grudge and a shank and it might be some of the best months of my life. He was there with me everyday. Stable, happy. It was everything.”

“So you need to figure a way to have all that good stuff carry on when you’re both out.”

Mickey lifted his shoulders. “Simple, huh.”

“No. But we’ll find a way.” I assured him. 

Mickey barked a laugh and ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah? Okay then.”

“Think that’s plenty for today. You’re doing good.”

“Thanks.”

“What’s going on this weekend?” I asked him. 

Mickey stood up and smiled warmly at me. “Working, mostly. Come by Sunday afternoon if you want a drink and a show. It’s Ian’s sister’s birthday party.”

My eyes widened. It was too much for my professional curiosity to handle. 

“Hmm. Maybe.” I grinned. 

“Cool. See ya, Orin.”

“Bye Mickey.”

I couldn’t decide if that was a good day or not. 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin makes some new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!! A break from the angst!

I walked into the Alibi a little after five on Sunday and found the bar packed to the rafters with people. Music played loudly, laughter filled the air and the whole place decorated with balloons. A banner behind the bar was the centerpiece, reading _Happy Birthday Debbie_! in bold red writing. I gazed around in stunned silence. 

“Orin! Hey!”

I looked around for Mickey’s booming voice and found him behind the bar, waving and grinning at me. I smiled widely and headed through the throngs of people toward him. 

“Hey Mick. Quite a crowd you got here.”

He shook my extended hand and moved to pour me a beer. “Yeah. Fuckin Gallaghers, man. Like cockroaches.”

“Hey!” An indignant female voice cried out. 

I glanced to my left and found a fiery redhead trying to look sternly at Mickey but failing miserably. She couldn’t fight her smile. 

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Debs, this is Orin. He’s my shrink. Orin, meet Debbie. The birthday girl.”

I smiled brightly. “Hi Debbie. Happy birthday.”

“Thank you. So you get to listen to this grumpy asshole whine every week?”

I snorted a laugh. I was actually surprised Mickey owned up to how he knew me. 

“He’s not so bad. Sometimes he even makes me laugh.”

Mickey pushed my beer closer to me and reached behind him to pour a small measure of vodka into a glass, topping it up with a large amount of soda. He handed it to Debbie, who pouted sadly. 

“Come on Mickey. I won’t even taste that.”

His eyebrows raised to his hairline. “A) you’re a fuckin lightweight and B) I’ll pass Ian on the door if I get caught breaking parole serving alcohol to minors. I’ll see you next year for all the vodka you can drink. Until then, you’ve got this.” 

Debbie smiled, acknowledging the truth in his words, and seemed to get an excited look on her face. “I can’t wait for him to be home.”

“Not long now.” I noted with a smile. 

Debbie grinned and reached over the counter, grabbing Mickey’s hand in a very brief but telling squeeze. I felt my insides warm at the sight. Mickey rolled his eyes and patted the back of her hand. 

“He’ll be stoked to see you too.” He told Debbie. 

I sipped my beer and grabbed a spot on a stool near the bar hatch. The huge man I had seen on my previous visit to the bar was standing nearby, chatting to people as they milled around him. He caught my eye and regarded me carefully, almost suspiciously. 

“You Mickey’s friend?”

I smiled and extended my hand. “Orin Campbell.”

He shook it firmly. “Kevin. Mickey’s boss.”

“Good to meet you.” I replied, catching Mickey’s eye at the other end of the bar. He smirked and shook his head, pouring another beer and bringing it to me. 

“Don’t listen to anything he says. He’s full of shit.” 

I raised my eyes in surprise that he would use that tone about his boss. I glanced at Kevin and found him smiling broadly. 

“And that just got you an extra shift next week.” 

Mickey waved his hand dismissively. “Whatever, man. Long as I’m good for the school run, my piss tests and my sessions with Orin you can give me all the shifts you like.”

“Wait up. Orin is your shrink?” Kevin let out a bark of laughter. 

“Yup. You’re not the only one round here who knows my deepest, darkest secrets.” Mickey winked. 

Kevin glanced in my direction. “I’ve known this knucklehead since he was too small to see over this counter...”

“So...like...last week?” Debbie chipped in with a wicked smile and I burst into laughter. 

“Hey! Fuck, Debs. I thought we were friends!” Mickey mock-scowled. 

“You know I love you really.” Debbie stated and floated off to mingle, leaving Mickey to blush in her wake. 

I smiled warmly at Mickey and he ducked his head to avoid the emotion that simple statement had caused him. 

As I started on my fifth beer I began to worry I was blurring the line of professionalism by socializing with Mickey and his friends. I could say I was learning more about my client, but that was a tenuous excuse at best. It wasn’t recommended to spend time with clients outside of the sessions but I found myself actually really enjoying myself with this group of people. I learned this was the place Mickey outed himself to his father, a story that Kevin told with unmistakable pride in his voice. I knew instinctively that he thought the world of Mickey and it made my heart swell that the man that turned up in my office a bag of nerves just a short few weeks ago had this support system in place. I had met most of the people in Mickey’s life, who happened to be Ian’s family. Debbie, Carl and Liam were all there and were treating Mickey like he was one of them. It was utterly heart-warming. By eleven the bar had quietened off and only a handful of people remained. Mickey was clearing up glasses and wiping down surfaces as he moved around the room. I was chatting to Kevin, Carl and Liam about the merits of ice hockey over baseball when the whole room fell silent. 

“Ian?!” Debbie suddenly shrieked and I turned in my seat. In the open doorway stood a tall, muscular man that looked a lot like Debbie. He had buzzed ginger hair and a nervous smile on his handsome young face. Debbie ran into his arms and hugged him hard. 

“Happy birthday, Debs.” Ian murmured. 

The quiet in the room was broken by a glass hitting the floor and shattering into a million pieces beside me. I jumped in my seat and turned to see Mickey standing nearby, stock still and staring at the man in the doorway. His face was pale and his bottom lip trembled of its own accord. The whole bar, including myself, watched on in morbid fascination as Ian dropped his rucksack on the floor and stepped closer to Mickey. His steps were slow and deliberate like he was scared of spooking Mickey. 

“Hey Mick.” Ian greeted softly. 

Mickey swayed on the spot like he was looking at a ghost. “The fuck are you doing here?”

Ian chuckled happily. “Missed me, huh?”

Mickey’s mouth opened and closed. “But...you had weeks to go...”

“They reviewed my application early. Something about a letter of recommendation.” Ian replied gently. 

Mickey’s eyes flicked to me and he gasped in surprise. I was pretty stunned myself. That letter was good but it wasn’t exactly Shakespeare. It seemed obvious to me that they were looking for an excuse to get the kid out of prison. Probably overcrowding. Probably too much hassle to protect an openly gay inmate. Whatever it was, Ian was here and Mickey wasn’t handling it well. 

“It’s good to see you, Mick.” Ian added. 

Mickey snapped into the reality he was faced with and reached out for Ian, who immediately moved into his space and wrapped Mickey up in a hug. Their intimacy was breathtaking. Ian knew Mickey needed a moment and he approached him carefully but once that signal from Mickey came he was ready for it. 

“I can’t believe you’re here.” Mickey choked out. If I was honest, it brought a lump to my throat. This kid would be the death of me. I glanced around the room and found everyone openly gazing at the reunited couple. Debbie was crying silent, happy tears. Kevin wasn’t crying but his eyes were glassy. Carl and Liam were grinning brightly and leaning on each other like the close knit family they were. It was actually fucking beautiful. 

Finally Ian pulled away and cupped Mickey’s pale face in his large hands. 

“Missed you so much. This doesn’t feel real.” 

Mickey sniffed and nodded. “I know.”

“Can I kiss you?” Ian whispered, aware all eyes were on them. 

“You’d fuckin better.” Mickey chuckled. 

Nobody averted their gaze when Ian pressed his lips to Mickey’s softly. It was slow and brief at the same time. Just a pressing of skin on skin before they pulled back and stared at each other. 

“Love you, Mick.” Ian mumbled. 

Mickey ran his hand down Ian’s neck and grasped his shoulder tightly before he pushed up on his toes and crashed his mouth to Ian’s. As soon as tongues were involved everyone found somewhere else to look and something else to do. I caught Kevin’s eye and winked. 

“Get him a beer.” I tilted my head. 

Kevin nodded and grabbed two glasses, filling them with beer. Suddenly Mickey was beside me, pulling Ian over. 

“Ian, this is Orin. He wrote the letter of recommendation.” 

Ian’s green eyes widened to the size of the moon. “No fuckin way! You’re Orin? Oh my god. It’s so good to meet you.”

He shook my hand enthusiastically and I got an inkling of the energy that he had, the energy that worried Mickey sometimes. 

“You too. This is a nice surprise.” I replied. 

Ian blushed and nodded. “Mick told me last week that everyone was gonna be here for Debs. When I found out today was the day I just headed here.”

He sipped some beer but winced and pushed it over to Mickey. “Can’t drink on my meds.”

“At all?” Mickey gasped. 

“Not until the dosage is levelled out. I’ve gotta go to the clinic tomorrow.”

“Jesus. You’re gonna turn into a boring fuck aren’t you?” Mickey teased. 

Ian pulled Mickey closer for a kiss. “I hope so.”

Mickey kissed him back. “Love you too.”

I smiled happily and picked up my phone from the bar. “I’ll leave you guys to it. See you tomorrow Mickey.”

Mickey ignored my hand and hugged me briefly in a very manly fashion. “Thanks Orin.”

Ian shook my hand. “Dunno how I’ll ever be able to thank you.”

I grinned and tilted my head to Mickey. “Just look after this one.”

“I will.” Ian promised. 

I waved goodbye to all my new friends as I left the bar. 

That was a fucking good day. 


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey does a good thing for Orin.

I wasn’t exactly surprised when Mickey turned up at my office the next morning looking like death warmed up. He was pale, hair messed up like he’d just dragged himself out of bed and dark rings circled his eyes. He had a couple of purple marks on his neck, just under his jawline. I smirked when I saw him sit down _very_ cautiously on the edge of the chair. 

“Long night, huh?” I grinned happily and grabbed some biscuits out of my desk. 

“Could say that.” Mickey mumbled but couldn’t hide his smile. 

I made us a coffee, with extra sugar for the guy with the sex hangover, and sat down to talk. 

“So...with the least amount of graphic detail as possible...how was last night?”

Mickey tipped his head back and laughed. He looked completely wrecked but his eyes danced with a happiness I’d never seen before. 

“Fucking incredible.” 

I gave him a double thumbs up. 

“He’s home, man. We stayed at his family’s place and it was like the old days. The good days. I woke up with this smile on my face and I dunno how I’m gonna shift it.”

I laughed heartily. “Don’t even try. A smile looks good on you.”

“Thanks. So how’s things with you? Your mom doing okay?”

I shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Jack visiting anytime soon?”

I smirked at Mickey. “In a few weeks. You stalling Mickey?”

“Stalling what?”

“Our session. You worried I’m gonna bring your good mood down?”

Mickey blushed. “A little. This is the best I’ve felt in months. Don’t want it to end.”

I nodded. “I get that. I’ll give you a free pass for today. You can help me prep for my first session with you and Ian next week. Give me some places to start. Avenues to explore.”

Mickey screwed up his face. “Not sure that’s a free pass, Orin.”

I chuckled and shrugged. “Best I can do.”

“Alright. What you wanna know?”

I sipped some coffee. “Is there anything you don’t want me to mention from our sessions here? How do you want me to play it?”

“How do you mean?” Mickey looked confused. 

“Well I don’t usually do couples sessions alongside individuals. I don’t wanna mention anything from our time together in the session with Ian that makes you uncomfortable.”

Mickey grinned tightly. “Orin...the whole fuckin thing is gonna make me uncomfortable.”

“So why’d you agree to it?” I challenged. 

“Cuz Ian asked me to do it. And turns out I can’t say no to the ginger fuck.” Mickey huffed and made me laugh. 

“Alright Mick. That’s something to add to the list right there.” 

Mickey sighed and drank some coffee. “Fuck it. You can say whatever you need to say when he’s here. I can’t hide from it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I mean...the whole point of this is to be better at this shit. Not gonna do that by hiding how I feel. Go wild.”

I smiled and nodded. “Okay. That’s good to hear.”

Mickey yawned widely. “Sorry.”

“You get any sleep last night?” I teased. 

Mickey wiggled his brows. “Cat naps. In between.”

“Ian gonna be living with you?”

Mickey sighed again, heavier this time. “Hopefully. Waiting for his PO to meet mine and sign off. Gonna be at least a week. Maybe more.”

“So back to the days of secret fucks and hiding in the shadows huh.”

Mickey laughed. “The good old days.”

“I’m sure it’ll work out.” I assured him. 

“I hope so.”

“He seems like a nice kid. And his family are solid too.” I noted. 

“They’re a bunch of crazy ass nosey fucks most of the time. But they love him so I just gotta deal.” Mickey muttered. 

He had long-suffering annoyance down to a fine art. 

“They love you too.” I stated. 

Mickey blushed a rosy pink on his pale cheeks. “Whatever man.”

“They do. Debbie loves you. She said as much. Carl and Liam were full of good things to say about you. Carl remembers when you were there for them all when Ian needed to be hospitalized. That shit sticks, Mickey. They love you.”

His blush was raging. “They ain’t so bad. Mostly. His older brother is an absolute douchebag but Ian and him are like Tom and fucking Jerry. Where you see one, the other ain’t far behind.”

“We all got family we’d rather only see for the holidays...” I joked. 

“Yeah. Well he’s in that category.”

“We can talk to Ian about his family. What their impact is on you guys.” I suggested. 

“Sure. But Ian thinks the sun shines outta them so good luck with that.” He teased back. 

I watched as he yawned again. 

“Working tonight?”

“Yup. Got the closing shift.”

“Go home. Get some sleep.”

“You telling my PO we cut these short sometimes?” Mickey frowned. 

I laughed heartily. “Like fuck. I take a nap when you leave. I ain’t copping to that.”

Mickey giggled happily. “Okay. Thanks Orin.”

“No worries, Mick. And make sure you sleep. Don’t go looking for dick now you got your supplier back in town.” I grinned. 

“Orin! You’re making me blush.” He laughed and stood up. 

“See ya Mickey.”

“Bye Orin. Tell Jack I said hey when you speak to him.”

“I will. He’ll be thrilled.” I smirked. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Hmm. He thinks you're cute.”

Mickey looked thoroughly pleased with himself. “Huh. Well he’s pretty hot himself.”

I waited for his parting shot and I wasn’t disappointed. 

“Must look like his Mom.”

“Goodbye Mikhailo.”

I heard him laughing as he left the building. 

The rest of the week I let Mickey pretty much goof off and didn’t get into anything too heavy. I knew the following week would take its toll on him when he had his first session with Ian. On Friday we went out for our regular ice cream date and headed to the park for a walk. 

“You seeing your mom this weekend?” Mickey asked me as we strolled around the park. 

“Yup. Gonna see if she’s up to a trip out. Dunno where though. Everything is such a hassle in her wheelchair.” I mused. 

“That sucks.”

“She just wants her hair done nice and her nails painted all the time. She likes to feel like a queen.” I chuckled, partly in dismay. 

“So she should.” Mickey grinned. 

“Fuckin expensive hobby. Jack painted her nails last time he visited and she hasn’t fuckin shut up about how amazing it was. She barely knows who I am but she’s crazy about her nails.” I groused. 

Mickey’s face clouded over and I knew he was thinking about something. 

“Come by the bar with her on Sunday. Around 2. I’ve got an idea.” He told me. 

“Sounds...weird.” I laughed. 

Mickey grinned. “It’s legal and legit.”

“Of course it is. You wouldn’t risk going back inside now.”

“Damn right.”

“Okay. I’ll see you then.”

We reached the entrance to the park and we said our goodbyes. 

On Sunday day afternoon I wheeled my mom into the Alibi, bouncing off the door frame as I struggled. Kevin noticed and jumped to help me. We got inside and I caught my breath. 

“Hey Orin.”

“Hi Kevin.”

Mickey appeared behind him, smiling warmly. “Hey. You made it.”

I grinned. “Yeah. Mickey, Kevin. This is my mom, Helena Campbell. Mom, these are my friends, Mickey and Kevin.”

My mom smiled brightly up at them. “Hello! My, aren’t you handsome!” She cooed at Kevin. 

The big man grinned dopily. “Thank Mrs Campbell. Can I get you a drink?”

“Ooh lovely. Could I have a brandy and Baileys?”

Kevin frowned. “In the same glass?”

I chuckled happily. “Yeah. It’s a taste sensation.”

“Okay. If you say so.” Kevin shrugged and headed to the bar. 

I looked at Mickey. “How’s it going?”

He smiled shyly. “Good...come sit in a booth.”

I followed him over and got my mom settled in a seat. Just as Kevin was bringing over our drinks the door flew open and a high pitched voice yelled into the bar. 

“Daddy!”

I gazed at Mickey’s face as it changed from stoic to a blazing smile that lit up his whole face. 

“Hey kiddo.”

It was a beautiful sight to see the small boy with dirty blond hair and large blue eyes charge across the bar and leap into Mickey’s arms. Mickey planted sloppy kisses on the child’s face. 

“Hey Yev...this is my friend Orin. You gonna say hi.”

The youngster smiled toothily. “Hello Mr Orin.”

“Hello Yev. Orin is just fine. How are you today?” I greeted brightly. 

“I’m very good thank you. My daddy is going to take me to the swimming pool later.”

“That’s so cool!” I gasped. 

“I know! I’m excited.” Yev giggled. 

Mickey stroked his son’s hair down. A snippy voice called out to Yev from the doorway. 

“Yevgeny! You do not run away from me! This is bad neighborhood!”

The child bowed his head, just like Mickey did when he was chastened. 

“Sorry Mama.”

I quickly caught on that this woman was Mickey’s ex-wife. She was stunning, in that icy-stare Baltic way that I’d always quite liked. 

“Hey Lana.” Mickey waved. “Come meet Orin and his Mom.”

My mom gazed at the woman with wonder in her eyes. 

“Orin, Mrs Campbell, this is Lana.”

She placed her bag on the table and greeted me with an arched brow and a grim smile. 

“You are shrink?”

I felt strangely intimidated. “Yes.”

“You do very good things for Misha.”

I assumed she meant Mickey and smiled bashfully. “That’s what I’m there for.”

Lana turned her gaze to my mother and reached for her hand. She took it in hers gently and turned it over. 

“You have beautiful hands, Mrs Campbell. May I paint your nails?” Lana spoke gently. 

My mom's smile lit up the dim bar. “Oh! Would you?”

Lana gave her a dazzling smile. “It would be my pleasure.”

I watched in absolute amazement as Mickey’s ex-wife opened her bag and pulled out an assortment of nail varnishes and set them out on the table. 

“I think a pretty rose pink would suit your skin. What do you think?” Lana held up a bottle. 

My mom smiled and grasped for Lana, holding her hand. “Beautiful.”

Inexplicably, my eyes filled with tears. I looked to Mickey but he was too busy setting up a travel sized game of Snakes and Ladders with Yev on the table beside us. All I could do was watch as this gorgeous stranger took care of my mother, carefully painting each one of her fragile fingernails and pausing periodically to lift my mom’s drink to her lips so she could sip through a straw. A smile danced on my mom’s lips the whole time.

“Orin. You have very wonderful friends.” My mom addressed me with delight in her voice. 

I couldn’t remember the last time my mom called me by my name. It was like she knew exactly who I was for the first time in months. 

“I do, Mom. Your nails look lovely.” I sniffed. 

“Thank you, son.” She beamed. 

It was a lucid moment that I knew wouldn’t last but I needed to hold onto it with both hands. It got too much for me so I excused myself to the restrooms. Once I was alone I burst into tears. I tried to stop it but it overwhelmed me. My hands covered my face as I sobbed, quietly but enough to block out the sound of the door opening. 

“Orin...you okay?” Mickey looked stricken when I met his gaze. 

I smiled weakly. “Yeah. Just...fuck...”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.” He mumbled sadly. 

“Mick. No. You didn’t. This is amazing. I haven’t seen her like this for months.” I wiped my eyes. “It’s just a lot for me.”

Mickey reached out a hand tentatively and rested it gently on my shoulder. “She’s a sweet lady.”

I nodded. “She is. And so is Lana.”

Mickey blushed. “She’s not so bad.”

“Thank you. For this. For understanding.” I murmured gently. 

“It’s okay. Come on. Ian just got here and he’s beating me at Snakes and Ladders. I think we need to team up.” Mickey winked. 

Once I was composed and cleaned up I joined Mickey back in the bar. My mom was rambling to Kevin about the apartment block she lived in when she was a kid. It blew my mind that she could talk in vivid detail about her childhood sixty years ago but she couldn’t remember anything from the day before. Kevin was patiently listening and chipping in along the way. I spotted Ian sitting in the booth with Mickey’s son perched on his lap, preparing for another game. I sat down opposite them in a daze. 

“Hi Orin.” Ian smiled warmly. 

“How’s it going Ian?” I asked gently.

Ian cast his eyes over to where Mickey was standing talking to Lana and his smile turned wistful. “It’s going good. Real good.”

I smiled back at him. “I’m really happy to hear that.”

Ian turned his attention back to the child in his lap and chatted quietly to him about different species of snakes. It was actually fucking adorable. I sat down and touched my mom’s arm. 

“You okay, mom? Do you need to go take a nap?” I asked her. 

“I'm okay, sweetie. You just play with your friends.”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Sure Mom.”

Mickey joined me and we started up and game of doubles against Ian and Yev. We lost big style but it was fine. I’d take that a million times over if it meant I got to see my mom looking like this. It was after 8 when I took her back to the nursing home, and she was asleep less than ten minutes later. I pressed a kiss to her forehead and left her to sleep. 

This was the best day I’d had in a long ass time. And it was all thanks to my violent offender parolee. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin gets an insight into the dynamics of Mickey and Ian’s relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuelled by coffee, the updates keep on coming! 
> 
> enjoy and let me know what you think 🧡

Ian looked cool as fuck when he sat down opposite me but his jaw twitch betrayed him. He was nervous but when Mickey dropped into the chair beside him he smiled tightly and I knew he was holding it together for his boyfriend. 

I didn’t really know Ian. Not yet. We’d met a couple of times and chatted about shit that didn’t really matter but I didn’t have a grasp on him yet. But Mickey was different. He started off as a closed book. A difficult character in a story I really wanted to read. As time passed he opened up and now I was part of his story. I’d grown so fond of Mickey. And yes, sure, I may be blurring that professional line by hanging out with him but I found it hard to give a fuck. He’d been dealt a shit hand in life and if he needed someone to be proud of him then damn right it would be me. 

I was more worried about how I was going to balance my fondness for Mickey while Ian was around. I had to remain impartial.

“Welcome Ian. This is my shit hole office. Coffee machine is over there. Mickey makes a real nice mocha.”

The redhead flashed me a grin. “Thanks Orin.”

“So...been a long ass time since I did couples counseling so we’re gonna be figuring out this shit together. That okay with you guys?” I told them honestly. 

I didn’t want them to think I had some fuckin messiah complex and I was gonna fix every issue they ever had. 

Mickey smiled and nodded. “Good with me.”

Ian nodded too. “And me.”

“Alright. Ian, you can start. Tell me what’s been on your mind since you got out.”

Ian shuffled in his seat. “Uhh...”

Mickey rolled his eyes impatiently. “Look Ian, you just need to talk. He’s gonna make you do it anyway whether you want to or not. He’s got superpowers.”

Ian chuckled and seemed to relax slightly. I waited quietly for him to speak. 

“I guess I was worried how much life had moved on while I was gone. How much Mickey had changed since he was released. It feels kinda weird.”

“Weird?” I pressed. 

“Like the two of us together in prison was a whole different life. A different time. I think I’ve freaked out a million times that he wouldn’t be the same. Wouldn’t feel the same about me.”

Mickey nearly scoffed out loud but I caught his eye with a warning look and he held it in. 

“Mickey. How do you feel about that?” I gave him the chance to speak. 

“I feel the same about him as I always have. He’s an annoying, Chatty Cathy pain in my ass but I love him anyways.” He drawled. 

Jesus Christ. These two were absolutely going to kill me off. 

“Thanks Mick.” Ian replied sarcastically. 

“Hey. You got a list as long as your dick of things that piss you off about me.” Mickey defended himself. 

Ian burst into giggling laughter and I saw immediately their dynamic was settled after years of practice. Mickey bitched and moaned, Ian took it in good humor. I could work with this. 

“So can we establish right here and now you both love each other, you want to be together and you want to make each other happy?” I got my pen out ready to make a quick note of any facial expressions or nervous tics that could give away a lie. 

Mickey glanced sideways at Ian before looking back at me. “It’s all I’ve wanted for fuck knows how long.”

“Me too.” Ian agreed with a shy smile. 

My pen went unused. Neither were lying. 

“Great. A strong basis. You know what the key to any successful relationship is?”

Again they shared another glance, smirked and spoke at the exact same time. 

“Communication.”

I rolled my eyes. “Alright. A real Laurel and Hardy act. Come on...this is serious.”

“We get the answer wrong?” Mickey pretended to look surprised. 

“You know you didn’t.” I shot him a withering look. “Take it seriously or don’t waste my time.”

Mickey bowed his head. “Sorry.”

Ian reached out and ran his hand down the back of Mickey’s neck. “Okay...I guess we haven’t been the best at communicating with each other over the years.”

Mickey snorted. “Nope.”

“Ian, what would you want Mickey to know that you don’t think he does?” I asked. 

Ian licked his dry lips. “That he’s good enough.”

“For you?” I pressed. 

“For everyone. Everything.” Ian replied. 

I nodded. “Okay...”

Mickey was blushing but we both ignored him. 

“He’s just so...fuck I don’t know if a word exists for what I mean...he’s like...he’s my constant in life. You know?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

Ian wasn’t finished. “He’s loyal. Some of the fucked up shit I put him through...he still just wanted the best for me. I was absent. Vacant. Lights on but no one home. He was there for me. Getting my meds. Buying my vitamins. Learning about the side effects. He’s fucking amazing.”

I smiled softly when he stopped talking. Mickey was blazing red. I found some Oreo cookies in my desk and placed them in front of Mickey. 

“Mickey, what do you want to say to Ian that he might not know?”

Mickey reached for a cookie. “That I forgive him.”

“For what?”

“All of it. The disappearing. Denying his condition. Taking off with Yev. Refusing treatment. The cheating. All of that shit. I forgive him.”

Ian rubbed his eyes tiredly. Nobody could say therapy wasn’t draining. 

“It’s not that simple, Mick.” 

Mickey’s eyes flashed with annoyance. “Yes it fuckin is! I forgive you because I know all of it was the bipolar. You wouldn’t have done any of it if it wasn’t for that fucked up shit you had to deal with. So I forgive you.”

“But...” Ian started but Mickey cut him off. 

“No buts Ian. Just because you can’t forgive yourself don’t mean you get to tell me that I can’t forgive you.” He snapped. 

My eyes widened when I realized Mickey had stumbled on the answer without being prompted. I looked at Ian and watched him shift in his chair. 

“Have you forgiven yourself Ian?”

The handsome young man shook his head. “No. Don’t know if I ever will. If I can.”

I made a note in my book. I glanced at Mickey. 

“Anything you haven’t forgiven yourself for?”

Mickey smirked wryly. “Wow. Where do I start?”

“Wherever you like.”

“For treating him like shit when we first starting fuckin around. For denying what he meant to me. For pushing him away. Hurting him. Making him leave.” Mickey reeled off. 

Ian gaped at his boyfriend and I waited almost anxiously the response. 

“But Mick...you fixed all that.”

“No I fuckin didn’t.” Mickey snapped at Ian. 

“Yes you did!”

“How the fuck did I fix all that?”

“You chose me.” Ian said simply and the room fell silent. 

I waited. And waited. But Mickey just stared at Ian like he was growing horns. 

“Mickey. How do you feel about that?”

His mouth opened and closed without a sound being made. Ian reached out and took Mickey’s hand in his own large one, cradling it in his lap. 

“You chose me when I forced you into a situation I had no right to put you in. I was a fuckin dick to you. But you still chose me.”

Mickey sniffed. “I’d always choose you, man.”

Ian smiled shyly. “I know.”

That seemed like the positive high note we needed to finish on. 

“Okay guys. That’s good for today. Thanks for being so open to talk. I know it’s not easy.” I grinned happily at the pair. 

They stood up and Ian hooked his arm around Mickey’s neck to pull him in closer. He pecked his lips against Mickey’s forehead and released him just as fast. It made my heart sing. 

“See you next week.” I added. 

“Bye Orin.” Ian grinned at me. 

Damn it. I liked the kid. 

Mickey smiled shyly. “Bring your mom by on Sunday again if you like. Yev was asking when he could play Snakes and Ladders with the nice lady again.”

My eyes prickled with tears. “Might just do that. Thanks.”

With a final wave they were gone, hand in hand. 

Another good day. When did I last have a bad one?


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian trade opinions on their parenting skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m literally just home from a lovely weekend in London and couldn’t wait to update! 
> 
> Still absolutely buzzing from seeing Andrew Scott in a play at The Old Vic theatre. He was incredible! If you don’t know his work, check him out. I’d start with Fleabag. You won’t be disappointed!!
> 
> On with the story! Just a warning, this one mentions the events of S3E6, so beware if that’s something that you need to avoid. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you think 🧡

My second session with Mickey and Ian opened up a can of worms I knew was coming but thought would take a little while to arrive. It started when Mickey made a passing remark about Ian being better with Yevgeny than he was, and Ian not taking it very well. 

“I _kidnapped_ the kid!” Ian yelled in annoyance. “You go on like you’re the worst parent in the world but I _literally_ kidnapped him!”

“And I’ve told you that YOU didn’t kidnap him! That was your bipolar, unmedicated robot version. The old version.” Mickey argued, slightly raising his voice to match Ian’s. 

I couldn’t really think of anything to say that would calm the moment. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to calm the moment. It may be earlier than planned but at least I was aware it needed to happen. So I sat quietly to see how this thread would play out. 

“There’s only one of me, Mick. And yeah, I’ve done a lot of shit that I wouldn’t have done if I’d gotten help when I first needed it. But it was still me.”

“So what? What do you gain out of thinking like that?” Mickey snapped. 

_Good question, Mickey. It’s almost like I don’t need to be here if you’re asking questions like that._

Ian glared angrily at his boyfriend. “Perspective, dumbass.”

“Oh I’m the dumbass? I ain’t the one rewriting history based on some shit I had no control over!”

“I did have control! I should’ve listened to everyone when they said I needed help! I ignored everyone!”

“BECAUSE YOU WERE SICK!”

I coughed gently. “Okay. Dial it back. We all know bipolar isn’t as simple as waking up one day, realizing there’s an issue and getting help. It’s a journey. A long, often painful journey. So let’s get back to the thing that sparked this off.”

Mickey and Ian gazed at me with wide eyes, halted mid-flow. 

“Mickey, you think Ian is a better parent. What do you understand by the term ‘good parent’?” I asked him, genuinely curious where his thought process went with this one. He’d grown up with no parental role model so it would be interesting to see where his yardstick was. 

Mickey’s eyes narrowed to sharp points. 

“Someone who didn’t wish for a miscarriage every day of the kid’s pregnancy.”

The air was sucked out of the room. It became very tense very quickly. 

Mickey chuckled harshly. “Sorry...you weren’t ready for that level of honesty.”

I placed my pen down and clasped my hands together. “I’m ready for anything you want to say to me. But I also remember how you came to be a father in the first place. Nobody would blame you for having confused emotions at that time.”

Ian’s jaw twitched and I could see he wanted to speak but he was nervous about making it worse. 

“I wished for Yev to die, Orin. Let that marinate for a moment. I wanted him to go away so I could be left alone to do what I wanted to do. And I wanted Ian. I put Ian over my son.”

I shook my head gently. “You didn’t wish for Yev to die. Yev didn’t exist then. You wished for your life to be different and that manifested itself in wishing for the chaos to go away. It’s a completely different thing.”

Mickey’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared in anger. “You keep telling yourself that.”

I wanted to reach across my desk and shake him. I wanted to yell at him that he was wrong. That he wasn’t a bad person for wishing away the product of a night that should never have happened. 

“You were raped, Mickey.” Ian huffed. 

“Stop saying that!” Mickey yelled back. 

I cringed at the bluntness from Ian. Delivering that sentence was a bomb that needed preparation. But it was a fact. A sad fact. A fact that, when it came to calling it like it is, Mickey _was_ raped. That heinous word to describe a monstrous act.

“Mickey, would you like to hold off talking about this for now?”

He tensed up and Ian glanced sideways at him. 

“No. Fuck it. He was there that night. He knows the score.”

I nodded but glanced at Ian. “Could we try to keep this civil? I know it’s a difficult subject.”

Ian glared back at me. “Yeah it’s difficult. It’s difficult because he won’t accept that’s what happened to him. He thinks just because Lana was forced into it too that it wasn’t rape.”

Mickey was getting more red in the face by the minute. I was worried he was about to explode. 

“Okay. Ian, trust me when I say I understand that you only want the best for Mickey. I can honestly say that’s what I want too. But pushing this issue isn’t helping him.”

Ian looked stricken and grabbed for Mickey’s hand, who let him take it without a fight. 

“I’m sorry, Mick. I don’t want to upset you.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “I know. But you’re like a fuckin steamroller sometimes. And you know how bad I feel about how I was with Yev when he was born...it fuckin kills me. I hate thinking about it. That’s how you’re better with him. You were his dad first. A long time before I could be.”

Ian stroked Mickey’s wrist and I could see the tension seep out of the older man’s body. I smiled at their display and knew they were going to be fine with this. 

“You’re an amazing father, Mick. I know it took some time but you stepped up. Yev didn’t suffer for it. Now look at you...you’d take a bullet for him. It doesn’t get bigger than that.” Ian murmured. 

Mickey sniffed. “You were there that night. You were still able to take care of him when he was born...”

I silently marvelled at Mickey’s ability to keep going when he had the bit between his teeth. 

Ian gently shook his head. “I was there...but it didn’t happen to me. Not really. Maybe that’s why I was able to deal with it quicker. I dunno. But your reaction wasn’t unreasonable, right Orin?”

I smiled softly, surprised they even remembered I was in the room. 

“Right. People deal with trauma in a variety of ways but I think we all know avoidance is the most common of them all. But we all agree that the relationship you have with your son now is exactly what you want it to be, correct?” I directed my question at Mickey. 

He met my steady gaze and nodded. “I mean...sure. I guess?”

“You think it could be better?” I challenged. 

“Probably.” Mickey retorted. 

“How come?”

“I don’t know! I could be more...fuck...maybe less...” I smiled as he trailed off. 

“Mickey, I think you’re under the very mistaken impression that there’s such a thing as a perfect parent. There’s not. Never has been, never will be. I missed three of Sarah’s parent-teacher conferences in a row because of work. I lost Jack in a shopping mall for an hour when he was five years old because I was distracted trying to buy my wife a gift for our wedding anniversary, which I’d forgotten all about until the evening. So cut yourself some slack and enjoy him while he’s growing.”

Mickey burst into a fit of giggles and laughed until his eyes watered. “Orin. Dude. You crack me up.”

“I’m glad you find my failure as a parent so funny.” I drawled. “My point is, Sarah and Jack turned out fine. And so will Yev.”

Mickey wiped his eyes and smiled brightly. “Alright.” He finally agreed. 

Ian beamed happily and squeezed Mickey’s hand tightly. “Damn Orin, you’re good.”

“I know. It’s almost like I’m fully qualified with three decades of experience right?” I joked. 

The two men in front of me laughed and I knew this was the right place to finish for the day. It was ten minutes early but I’d never been a clock-watcher. 

“You coming by on Sunday?” Mickey asked me when they were preparing to leave. 

I sighed loudly. “I don’t know. My mom has been laid up with a cold. She’s over it now but she needs to rest.”

“Sorry to hear that, Orin. That sucks.” Mickey frowned. 

“I know. She keeps asking to see Yev too. I think she’s got a soft spot for him.” I smiled. 

“Why don’t we come by the care home after Mickey’s shift at the bar? We’ll bring Yev, some games and snacks. Make an afternoon of it.” Ian suggested. 

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”

Mickey nodded enthusiastically. “Sure! Yev would love that. He’s making cookies with Lana this weekend, we’ll get him to make extra for the residents.”

My bottom lip wobbled. “That would be...awesome.”

Yev was bouncing from one foot to the other when he arrived at my mom’s care home on Sunday. Ian was walking behind with a couple of bags and Mickey was trying to hold onto Yev’s hand, looking exasperated with his energy. 

“Hello guys.” I greeted warmly. “Welcome! My mom is in the day room.”

I led them down the corridor to the spacious room overlooking the gardens and Yev darted ahead when he spotted my mom in her chair by the window. 

“Hey Mrs Campbell!”

The brightest smile lit my mom’s face when she embraced the little boy. “Hello Yevgeny! How are you?”

“I’m good! I made cookies!”

“Wonderful! Orin? Orin!”

I almost didn’t realize she was speaking to me as she addressed me by my name. It was so very rare these days. I jolted to attention. 

“Yes Mom?”

“Could you ask for some milk please sweetie? Can’t have cookies without milk!”

I grinned broadly. “Of course.”

“Remember when you were a boy, Orin? We’d bake cookies and watch The Young and The Restless!” She gasped excitedly. 

I had to turn away so she didn’t see me fill up with tears. “I remember, Mom. They were good days.”

“The best days.” She added. 

I busied myself by looking for a member of staff and Mickey squeezed my shoulder as I passed. 

We spent the next two hours playing card games, UNO and of course Snakes and Ladders. Yev sat beside my mom the whole time and talked to her about games she played when she was a child. And books she read. And movies she saw. And places she visited. I don’t know when either of them stopped for breath but I was exhausted just listening to them. When it was time to leave Yev got a little bit of an attitude with Mickey but my mom quickly put a stop to it. 

“All good days have a night that follows, Yev. Don’t worry. We’ll have other good days together.” She smiled warmly. 

It hit me like a freight train. My mom said that same thing to me when I was a child. Many times. I can’t believe I’d forgotten it. Even now I would rate my days as either good or bad and I had only just remembered why I did that. Bloody fucking hell. The things that just came flooding back!

Yev accepted my mom’s words and gave her a hug goodbye. 

“See you next week, Mrs Campbell.” He trilled as he grasped Ian’s hand. 

“Goodbye beautiful boy.” She waved. 

I bent to kiss my mom on her cheek. 

“Goodbye Orin. I love you.” She whispered. 

“Love you too, Mom.”

I walked out with the others and as we left Yev rattled on about how amazing my mom’s tales of childhood had been. 

“Did you know she was a lifeguard at the beach?” Yev gasped. 

I chuckled. “I did. That’s where she met my dad. He walked back and forth past her station so many times she thought he’d lost his dog or something!”

Yev’s eyes widened. “That’s so cool! Daddy, where did you meet my Mommy?”

If I could’ve predicted that would be the outcome I would never have spoken a word. It was such an innocent question. Spoken so innocently from a child. I glanced sideways to Mickey, hoping he would catch my apologetic gaze. But he just smiled tightly down at his son. 

“My dad introduced us. He brought her home one day thinking we would like to be friends.” He said casually. 

Ian’s expression pinched into extreme sadness but he didn’t let Yev see it. 

“But you didn’t want to be friends?” The child asked with a frown. 

Mickey chuckled harshly. “No, that’s not right. I did want to be friends. I still do. But my dad wanted us to be in love and me and your mom just wanted to stay friends. So we gave it a try so my dad was happy but we were happier when we went back to just being friends.”

“You didn’t love Mommy?”

“I love her because she’s my friend and because she’s your mom. But we didn’t love each other as a couple. Does that make sense?” Mickey was trying hard. My heart thudded with pride for his efforts. 

Yev’s face broke into a smile and he nodded. “Because you love Ian like that!”

Mickey almost slumped with relief. “Exactly. I love Ian and Ian loves me because we’re a couple. And we both love your mom because she’s our friend. And we all love you because you’re our crazy, beautiful boy.”

Yev nodded firmly. “Got it. Wow. Being a grown up is hard.”

Mickey glanced at Ian and then me, rolling his eyes skyward. “Tell me about it, kiddo.”

With a lightness in my heart I bid the family goodbye and headed home to celebrate another good day with a 30 year old single malt. 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin gets sidetracked and Ian pisses Mickey off.

I got a call from my mom’s care home a little after 3 in the morning to tell me she had been taken to hospital. When I arrived shortly after I found she was unconscious and hooking up to so many tubes and wires that she was barely recognizable in the bed. She looked tiny. Just a few hours earlier she’d been the life and soul of the care home as she ate cookies and played games with Yev. I couldn’t understand how her condition could deteriorate so quickly. 

A doctor came to see me and confirmed my mom had pneumonia and a collapsed lung. It stemmed from the cold I thought had passed. Instead, she was struggling on the inside. I was wracked with guilt. The doctor told me that with strong antibiotics, plenty of rest and fluids, my mom should be okay. I stayed awake with her all night, holding her hand and murmuring quietly to her in case she could hear me. I must’ve fallen asleep because I jerked awake when my cell phone rang out loudly in the quiet room. I was disoriented and my neck ached from my awkward sleeping position. With fumbling hands I grabbed for my phone and hit the button to answer the call. 

“Orin Campbell...” My voice was thick with emotion and lack of use. 

“Hey Orin. Everything okay?” Mickey’s voice was cautiously casual. 

“Uh...yeah...” I mumbled. 

“It’s just you’re not here...for our appointment. I was just checking you were okay.”

I scrambled to see the time but I’d left my watch on my dresser when I ran out of the house in the middle of the night. 

“Fuck!” I hissed. “What time is it?”

“Nearly nine thirty. What’s up Orin? Can I help?” Mickey sounded nervous. 

“My mom is in the hospital. She’s got pneumonia. I’ve been up all night. I’m sorry I slept through your appointment.” I sighed. 

“Holy shit! She seemed fine yesterday.”

I smiled at Mickey’s tone of concern. 

“She’s gonna be alright. She needs some rest and some meds.” I assured him. 

“That’s good. Listen, I got time before work. I’ll swing by with some coffee. I’ve tasted that hospital shit and nobody needs a bad day made worse like that.”

I chuckled softly. “It’s okay Mickey. You don’t need to do that.”

“I know. But I want to. Hang tight.” He clicked off the line before I could argue. 

Mickey found me in a private side room an hour later with a tray of coffee in one hand and a bag in the other. 

“Hey.” I smiled tiredly. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

Mickey placed the drinks on the side table and handed over the bag. “It’s nothing. How’s she doing?”

“Alright. She’s in a deep sleep but she’s getting what she needs.” I opened the bag and grinned when I found a pastrami and Swiss on rye waiting for me. “You are a legend amongst men, Mikhailo.”

Mickey tipped his head back and giggled. “Eat up, man. You need to keep yourself in shape to take care of your mom.”

I nodded and sat down next to my mom’s bed and took a bite of my sandwich. It tasted like a slice of heaven. Mickey sipped his coffee and sat opposite me. 

“Sorry I missed your session.” I sighed regretfully. 

Mickey cracked a huge grin. “I’m not!”

“Whatever. You love our little chats.”

”Yeah. I love when I get to drag up shitty old memories.” Mickey drawled.

”Just the ones you haven’t conquered yet.” I added.

Mickey snorted. “My daddy issues, my mommy issues, my ex-wife issues, my boyfriend issues...”

”To name but a few.” I grinned and took a big drink of my coffee. 

Mickey looked like he was going to say something but was hesitating.

”You okay, Mick?”

”Just got me thinking about my mom.”

”Were you close before she died?” I asked gently.

Mickey shrugged. “I guess so. She was a functioning drug addict for most of her life. Every time she got pregnant she’d stop using. Didn’t wanna fuck us up. Then she’d go straight back on it. Eventually she took too much and died. Her organs failed or some shit. Chronic abuse, the doctor called it.”

My heart ached for the young man opposite me. “I’m sorry, Mick.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “She stopped using when she was pregnant so she didn’t fuck us up but she died cuz of the drugs anyways and left us with Terry. Ironic, huh.”

”Dumb fuckin luck.” I stated. “Half of the South Side are functioning addicts and they live forever.”

Mickey smirked wryly. “Dumb fuckin luck is the story of my life, Orin.”

We fell into a companiable silence with just the sounds of machines beeping to fill the air. Finally, after a couple of hours, Mickey stood up and stretched out his arms and legs. 

“Gotta get to work.”

I stood up and extended my hand, which Mickey took but surprised me by pulling me in for a bro-hug. 

“Thanks for being here, Mick.”

“You need anything later just give me a call.”

I watched him leave and my mind was filled with the strange feeling that I was getting more therapeutic vibes out of this relationship than Mickey was these days. 

Ian arrived first to our joint session later in the week. He came straight from work so I let him in and made us some coffee. 

“How’s your mom doing?” He asked me carefully. 

I smiled tiredly. “She’s good. The hospital are letting her out at the weekend. But she’s awake and giving all the nurses hell so it’s good!”

Ian chuckled. “Awesome. Would it be cool if I popped in to see her when I’m at the hospital later? I’ve got an interview for a job.”

My eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“I mean...if it’s not too weird.” Ian replied hastily. 

“Oh. No. I meant about the interview. Of course it’s cool to see my mom!” I clarified. 

Ian grinned. “Great. Yeah, interview’s for a theater technician. I’m way over-qualified really but I probably still won’t get it with my felony around my neck. Dr Bailey is giving me a reference though...so maybe.”

“I can too.” I added, delighted my referral to my old friend Diane Bailey was working well for Ian. “If you need it.”

Ian’s face lit up. “Really?”

“Sure! Gotta start somewhere. Even if it’s a stepping stone to bigger things. You’ll always have the conviction but you won’t be dragged down by it.” 

The door opened and Mickey hurried in. “Sorry...Yev couldn’t find his shoes and he was kicking off big style.”

I smiled pleasantly. “No problem. Coffee is there.”

Mickey grabbed the cup and settled into his chair. “What did I miss?”

Ian opened his mouth but I spoke faster. 

“Ian was just telling me about his job interview later today.”

Mickey’s eyes narrowed. “His what?”

Ian blushed and I closed my eyes in dismay. 

“Sorry...I thought...”

Ian waved his hand. “It’s fine. I should’ve mentioned that I hadn’t told anyone.”

Mickey glared angrily. “Hold the fuck up! You keepin stuff from me?”

Ian sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I’ve got an interview later. It’s at the hospital. But I’m almost a million percent sure I’m not gonna get it so I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“Not even to me?” Mickey raised his voice. 

“Especially to you!” Ian snapped. 

My head switched left and right like I was at a tennis game. 

“What the fuck?” Mickey yelled. “That’s how it’s gonna be? Something comes up that actually fuckin matters and you keep me in the dark?”

I could see Mickey was deeply hurt. Ian shifted uncomfortably in his chair. 

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up for me to fail.”

“Go fuck yourself, you arrogant asshole!” Mickey retorted. 

Ian slumped back with a pained expression on his face. 

I sipped my coffee. “Mickey, why do you think Ian is arrogant for not telling you?”

Mickey huffed a breath loudly. “For thinking I give a shit about him not getting this job. Like I’m gonna think badly of him. Fuck that. It’s a dick move and he knows it.”

This time Ian looked hurt. 

“You don’t care if I get the job?” He frowned. 

Mickey’s blue eyes had darkened with his anger to a stormy shade I had never seen before. “I didn’t say that, dumbass. I said I didn’t care if you _don’t_ get it. Because if you don’t get it that’s their issue. Not yours. They knock you back cuz of your record then that’s their dumb choice. So no, I don’t give a shit. If they don’t want you then you shouldn’t wanna be there.”

Ian fell silent but Mickey’s verbal rampage wasn’t over. I’d never really seen this darker side to Mickey’s personality before. The side that let his emotions rule him and spout off all the thoughts in his mind. I found myself thinking I quite liked it on him. He was standing his ground well. 

“All we talked about inside was what life was gonna be like when we got out. That we’d be a team. Us versus the world. But you’re lying to me already. About dumb shit. What else are you lying about?”

Ian shook his head. “I didn’t lie!”

“It was a lie of omission, Ian! Still fuckin counts. I can’t back you up if I don’t get told stuff like this. Stuff that affects your life. We swore this time would be different.” Mickey snarked back at Ian. 

“I’m sorry.” Ian choked out. “I just want you to be proud of me.”

Mickey trembled with rage. “I’m proud of you every fuckin day, Ian. Every morning you get outta bed and take your meds is a day I’m fuckin proud of you. Staying stable makes me proud. Going to work in that shitty office block as a janitor and cleaning up rich asshole trash every day makes me proud as fuck. You think I could do that? Fuck no. I’d be back inside by now for beating some dickwad stock broker to death with my cleaning mop. So don’t give me that shit.”

Ian looked thoroughly ashamed of himself and my admiration for Mickey sky rocketed through the roof. 

I coughed delicately. “So...what have we learned from that Ian?”

The redhead gazed at me with his doe eyes and sad pout. “I’m fuckin stupid.”

I laughed softly. “Not quite. I’d say more along the lines of you need to remember Mickey’s got your back and you don’t need to be scared to admit when you’re nervous or when you might fail.”

Ian nodded. “Yeah. That too.”

“Mickey. What about you?”

His eyes had settled back to a normal shade when he answered me. “I gotta remember he’s a big baby sometimes.”

I raised my eyes skyward but Ian just laughed. 

“He’s not wrong, Orin.” 

I rubbed my eyes and heaved a sigh of exhaustion. “Okay. I can’t take any more of your bullshit for today. I’ve got one more appointment, then I’m gonna take a nap and then I’m gonna see my mom. Get out of here.”

Both men stood and smiled apologetically at me. 

“Might see you there later.” Ian said softly. 

Mickey frowned. “Where?”

“At the hospital. That’s where my interview is.”

Mickey shoved Ian towards the exit. “Okay, tough guy. Gimme the details about the damn interview...”

I listened to them bickering as they went down the hall and I started to laugh to myself. I was pretty sure that even without me they would get by just fine. All I was doing was keeping the schedule moving. I could live with that. 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys and Yev help Orin through a difficult week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m starting to annoy myself with the amount of English versions of spellings slipping into this story. Perils of self-editing I suppose. Too British for my own good sometimes lol. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! 🧡

Jack and Marco came to visit for the weekend when my mom got out of hospital. She was much better now but I wasn’t stupid. Pneumonia was bad at any time but when you’re a vulnerable elderly lady it was very dangerous. I spent Saturday with Jack and Marco, relaxing and getting some groceries so Marco could make us dinner. As a professional chef he was the best person for the job since Jack had inherited my limited skills in the kitchen. Marco cooked steaks and baked potatoes to perfection and I considered asking him to move in. At least I knew my only son would never starve. On Sunday we headed to the hospital to break my mom out and get her back to the care home. She was quiet and didn’t say much but she seemed happy to see Jack. Marco was a different story. She couldn’t remember him from the last time they met around a year earlier and assumed he was a nurse. It was painful since when they first met, a long time ago, my mom couldn’t stop gushing about how amazing he was. How handsome. How sweet. How funny. She could’ve talked for days about how lucky Jack was for finding a man like Marco. Now it was a blank for her. Marco brushed it off with a wistful smile and a pat on Jack’s waist as they helped my mom into my car. Jack had tears in his eyes when he saw just how far his grandmother had slipped. 

“It’s okay. It’s the disease, not her. She’s still in there somewhere.” Marco murmured to Jack. 

“Probably singing your praises.” I chuckled and moved aside to clip in my mom’s seatbelt. 

Marco jokingly preened. “She _does_ love me.”

“Someone’s got to.” Jack rolled his eyes and not for the first time I was struck by how my son often reminded me of Mickey. Or Mickey reminded me of Jack. Either or, really. 

I got the shock of my life when I wheeled my mom into her room and found the small space decorated with a banner reading ‘Get Well Soon!’ and a few helium balloons. A vase of the most beautiful, fragrant fresh cut flowers was set on the bedside cabinet with a card propped against it. When my mom was settled in her bed she opened the card and smiled brightly. 

“It’s from Yevgeny.” She exclaimed happily. 

Jack met my gaze and frowned in confusion. “Yevgeny?” He mouthed. 

“Mickey’s son. Him and Grams are quite the BFFs these days.” I chuckled. 

“Who’s Mickey?” Marco asked. 

“Friend of mine.” I smiled, glancing around the room and feeling a tightness in my chest when I saw the effort that had gone into welcoming my mom back to her home. I picked up the card and my smile widened when I saw the hand drawn picture of a rainbow and a smiling face on the front of the card. Inside was the scrawled writing of a child. 

“ _Get well soon Mrs Campbell. Can’t wait to for you to teach me how to play chess! Hope you don’t mind us decorating your room! See you soon. Lots of love, Yev xx_ ”

My eyes stung with the urge to weep. I swallowed it down and placed the card beside the flowers. 

“Orin, sweetheart, I’m tired. Can I sleep?” My mom’s gentle voice reached me. 

I perched on the edge of her bed and stroked her hair back from her forehead. “Of course you can. We’ll leave you alone to rest for a while.”

Jack took his grandmother’s hand and held it to his lips. “I’ll come back in the morning before I fly home. Love you, Grams.”

“Love you too, sweet boy.”

I went straight to the Alibi with Jack and Marco for a drink, hoping to catch Mickey and Yev before they headed out to Yev’s weekly swimming trip. Sure enough, the little boy was in his usual booth with Ian. The redhead was listening to Yev reading his book out loud. 

“Orin! Hey!”

Yev looked up excitedly. “Orin!”

I smiled at their greeting and waved. 

“Hey. Guys, this is my son Jack and his boyfriend Marco.” I introduced. I glanced at my son and gestured to Ian. “This is Ian, he’s Mickey’s boyfriend. And this is Mickey’s son, Yev.”

Ian reached over and shook their hands. “Good to meet you! Take a seat, Mickey will get you guys a drink.” 

I glanced around and spotted Mickey carrying a box of spirits from the back into the bar. He saw me and grinned. 

“Orin! Good to see you! Hey Jack!” He called over. “Grab a seat. I’ll bring over some drinks.”

I dropped into the seat next to Yev and he smiled up at me. 

“Can I go visit Mrs Campbell soon?”

I reached out and stroked his hair tenderly. “Next weekend would be good.”

“Cool!”

I smiled softly. “She got your card. She loved it. Wanted me to tell you that she’s very grateful. For the decorations too. You did a great job.”

Yev beamed happily. “Awesome!”

Ian grinned and ruffled Yev’s hair. “Hope it wasn’t an intrusion. He really wanted to do it.”

Jack laughed. “She absolutely loved it.”

“Good.” Ian smiled. 

Mickey arrived at the table with a tray of beers and some nuts in a small dish. 

“South Side tapas.” He winked and we all laughed. 

“Good to see you again, Mickey.” Jack greeted warmly and shook Mickey’s hand. “This is my boyfriend, Marco.”

Mickey reached out to Marco and grasped his hand. “Hey! Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Marco smiled appreciatively and internally I chuckled at the fact that both Marco and Jack found Mickey attractive, particularly when I would assume Ian was the more traditionally attractive of the couple. 

I sipped my beer and looked at Mickey. “I was just telling Yev how much my mom loved what you guys did to her room.”

Mickey blushed adorably. “I’m glad. Lana says she’ll go visit her one day this week if she’s up to it and paint her nails. Maybe curl her hair with those weird roller things.”

I chuckled when he waved his hand around in confusion. He really didn’t have the first clue about women. 

“That would be awesome, Mick.”

He nodded. “Cool. Ian tell you his news?”

I shook my head and glanced at the blushing redhead. 

“Nope.” I replied. 

“I got the job at the hospital. Six month probation period but it’s still better than mopping floors in an office block.” He told me. 

“Hey! That’s fantastic news.” I held out my fist and Ian bumped it. “Proud of you!”

Mickey beamed proudly. “And after the six months it comes with insurance.”

“So my meds will be covered.” Ian sighed happily. 

“Progress!” I cheered. 

“And we’ve got a joint meeting with our POs on Tuesday to talk about Ian moving into my place.” Mickey added with a anxious bounce. 

“You’ll be fine. Just remember to tell them all the great stuff you’ve achieved.” I assured them. 

The door to the bar opened and a couple of men walked in, so Mickey headed off to serve them. I wasn’t even halfway through my beer when Yev challenged us all to a game of Snakes and Ladders. Jack’s face lit up and I laughed happily. 

At Mickey and Ian’s session the following Friday I didn’t have a chance to ask how they were doing when Ian blurted out their news. 

“I can move in! We got signed off!”

“Fantastic! When’s the big move happening?” I congratulated them. 

“This weekend. It’s not really a big move. I don’t have a lot of stuff.” Ian grinned. 

“Just as well. I don’t have a lot of space.” Mickey sparred happily. 

“Well let me know if I can help out.” I offered. 

Mickey scratched at the back of his neck anxiously. “There is something you could do...”

“Yeah?”

“I totally get it if you wanna say no. But we’ve only got Sunday to move in when we’re both off work, Lana is out of town and every single responsible Gallagher has other plans. We need someone to watch Yev for a couple hours...”

My jaw dropped open in surprise. “Me?”

“I mean...if you don’t mind...” Mickey added hastily. 

I started to laughed joyously. “Of course I don’t mind! I’d be honored!”

Mickey sighed with relief. “Thanks, Orin.”

“My pleasure. Drop him off at my mom’s care home whenever you need and I’ll keep him there with me. He can entertain the residents again.”

Ian beamed. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Now...let’s talk therapy. How do you think it’s working out for you? Ian?”

Ian settled back in his seat. “It’s working out good. I still got a lot to work on. I know I don’t always think about Mickey’s point of view when I make decisions. But I’m getting better. I think.”

Mickey nodded. “You are.”

“Good. What about you Mickey?”

The brunet flicked his gaze over to me. “It’s working. Don’t remember ever being able to talk to Ian about shit like this before.”

Ian smiled. “That’s true for me too.”

“Okay. Good. So when you guys live together...does anything worry you?” I asked the pair. 

Mickey and Ian remained silent, each shifting in their seats. 

“Come on. There must be something on your minds. It might be the same thing and you just don’t know it yet.” I coaxed. 

Mickey bit the bullet. “I’m kinda nervous about getting into a routine. I got one already. Me and the kid got a good system going. I’m nervous about changing that up.”

I nodded. “That’s reasonable.”

Ian grasped for Mickey’s hand. “I wouldn’t wanna upset that for you guys.”

Mickey smiled wryly. “I know. But it’s gonna be your home too. I gotta let you actually _live_ there.”

Ian giggled. “We’ll figure it out.”

“How will you do that?” I asked softly. 

“Talk to each other.” Mickey grinned. 

I gave them both an exaggerated double thumbs up. 

“Ian, anything worrying you?”

His gaze shifted around the room and he ran his hand over his short hair. “Uh...I’m worried about when I have bad days. It’s not like it used to be. I don’t get depressed like that. But I have days where I’m low on energy. It’s my hormones fighting the medication. I just need some time and space to get through it. I’m worried how it will affect Mick and Yev.”

I nodded. “Again, totally reasonable.”

Mickey squeezed Ian’s hand. “You let me know when you’re having one of those days and I’ll make sure we give you the space you need. We’ll figure it out.”

I huffed a loud breath and a jokey laugh. “Well this is really boring for me if you keep coming up with the answers on your own.”

The two men cracked up laughing and I decided to call it a day. 

“Alright. Get out of here. I’ll see you Sunday. Drop Yev off any time.”

Mickey smiled gratefully. “Thank you so much. I don’t got a lot of people in my life I trust with my kid.”

“It’s my pleasure.” I assured him. 

I sat back in my chair when they were gone and sipped my coffee. It had been a hell of a week and I was glad it was over. Now I had something fun to look forward to at the weekend. It didn’t matter how shitty my week got, Yev was always able to put a smile on my face. 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian look to the future.

I really wasn’t sure what to expect when Ian dropped Yev off with me early on Sunday. The last time I had to entertain a six year old was exactly twenty years earlier and I wasn’t convinced Jack would give me much of a reference for my skills in that area. But I decided to give it my best shot and just in case my natural sunny personality didn’t work I had a bag full to the brim of snacks and treats to bribe him with. 

“I’ll pick him up in a couple of hours.” Ian assured me. 

I gave a casual shrug. “It’s fine. Enjoy your moving day.”

Ian grinned. “I can’t wait.”

I watched him give Yev a fist bump and a hair ruffle before he bounced out of the room. I turned to the youngster. 

“So...what you wanna do?” I smiled. 

Yev beamed toothily. “Can we take your mom out into the gardens and read books together in the sunshine?”

I gazed at the child and wondered where the actual fuck Mickey got this kid from. He was an absolute dream, even if Mickey would argue that he had temper tantrums to rival John McEnroe when he was tired. 

“Sure.” I agreed easily and I swear Yev skipped with excitement. 

My mom was in her element with Yev around. She listened intently to him reading out loud and chipped in to help with some harder words that he got stuck with. I had a very vivid memory of her doing exactly the same thing with Sarah when she was around the same age as Yev. 

“Orin, do you have any brothers or sisters?” 

I smiled at Yev. “Nope. Just me.”

“Do you wish you did?”

“I don’t think you can miss what you’ve never had.” I answered honestly. 

“I think I would like a brother.” Yev stated matter-of-factly. 

“But not a sister?” I chuckled. 

Yev sighed. “If I _had_ to, I guess. But I’d rather have a brother. Do you think my dad and Ian will give me a brother?”

I would’ve laughed if my breath hadn’t caught in my chest and made me wheeze like an asthmatic chicken. 

“Um. I dunno. You should ask them.” I smirked wickedly at the thought. 

My mom pulled her blanket up around her legs. “Shall we play some card games now Yev?”

“Ooh yes please. Will you teach me Blackjack?” He gasped. 

I rolled my eyes to the heavens. This kid was definitely a Milkovich. 

My mom obliged and soon Yev was reciting the rules like he’d known them all his life. 

“You’re a very smart young man, Yevgeny. You must make your parents and grandparents very proud.” She told him. 

Yev shrugged. “My parents, maybe. But all my grandparents are in heaven now.”

I jolted at that statement. Mickey hadn’t mentioned anything about his father’s death. I couldn’t fathom how he’d missed out that vital detail of his life. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, darling boy.” My mom stroked Yev’s cheek with her shaky hand. “If you ever feel the need to adopt a Grandma I’d be more than happy to be that for you.”

Yev’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Of course. You can never have too many people to love or to love you.” 

My throat tightened with emotion at the beautiful moment unfolding before me. 

“I can call you Grandma?” Yev was amazed. 

“If you would like to, that’s fine with me.” My mom grinned at him. 

Yev hugged her tightly. “I’d love to!”

I was curious to see Mickey’s place so I offered to drop Yev off at home when Mickey called to say he was finished. On the way over Yev was buzzing with joy and I didn’t want to bring his mood down but I needed to be straight with him about my mom and her condition. I explained that she was poorly and she wouldn’t get better. She would lose her memory and might not always remember who we all were and it would be sad sometimes. Yev absorbed my words and nodded seriously. 

“I understand.”

I didn’t know if he really did understand but at least he knew what to expect now. 

“You just have to remember, she doesn’t mean to upset anyone. Especially you. She’d never want to upset you. But her mind isn’t working properly.”

Yev smiled and took my hand as we walked along the sidewalk to his part-time home. “I know, Orin. I won’t get upset when she gets worse. I’ll help to look after her.”

A tear escaped down my face and I squeezed his hand gently. “You’re a good boy.”

When we got to the apartment I was pleasantly surprised to see how well taken care of the place was. Mickey was obviously house proud. We went inside and Yev immediately skipped off to his room. As soon as I saw Mickey and Ian I knew they’d already celebrated Ian’s moving in day with some ‘adult’ time. Ian’s rosy cheeks and Mickey’s well-fucked hair were a dead giveaway. I smirked at their appearance and felt strangely happy for them. 

“Everything sorted?”

Mickey blushed, knowing the jig was up. “Yeah. All sorted.”

“Good.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a card, handing it to Ian. 

Ian ripped it open and beamed when he read the ‘welcome home’ message. Inside the card was a gift card for Sizzlers. 

“Wow. That’s so generous!” Ian gasped. 

“Yeah well. You guys deserve to spend some time together outside of the same four walls.” I shrugged. “And if you’re stuck for a sitter for Yev when you wanna go just let me know. He’s the best behaved kid I’ve ever met in my life. My mom told him he could call her Grandma!”

Mickey tipped his head back and laughed. “Oh man. That’s sweet.”

My expression turned serious. “You didn’t tell me your father had died.”

Mickey frowned. “Cuz he didn’t.”

“No?”

“Nah. He’s locked up for life upstate.” Mickey replied. 

“So why does Yev think all his grandparents are dead?” I challenged him. 

Mickey shrugged. “Terry ain’t ever meeting my son. He’s dead to me so he’s dead to Yev. End of story.”

I scoffed and chuckled. “Heads up, he’s telling people they’re all in heaven.”

Mickey shrieked a laugh. “That’s a fuckin stretch!”

“Terry would never get a pass through those gates.” Ian snorted. 

I held up my hands. “Don’t doubt it.”

I called out my goodbyes to Yev and headed to the door. Ian and Mickey followed, with Ian draping his arm lovingly around Mickey’s neck. 

“See you tomorrow Mick.”

I had a couple of good sessions with Mickey on his own that week and then it was time for our joint session. Something was on my mind that I wanted to ask. 

“Mickey, where do you see yourself in five years time?”

Mickey’s eyebrows rose up his forehead. “What now?”

“Your future. What do you see?”

“You think I look beyond the end of next week?” He retorted hotly. 

“You don’t?”

“Nope. Never thought I’d live to be thirty. Not putting any money on it still.”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Stop thinking like that. The only thing gonna kill you these days is a fuckin heart attack from all the negativity you put yourself through.”

Mickey reeled in his seat. “Oh I’m sorry Mr Sunshine! Did you forget how many times I got shot cuz of you? The only thing gonna kill me is hanging around with your jinxed ass!”

“You did not get shot because of me!” Ian protested loudly. “You got shot because you stole from the store every day for years and you pissed Kash off!”

Mickey’s face went red and I looked up to the ceiling, wondering how I managed to get stuck with two of the biggest drama queens known to mankind. 

“Fuck off. He shot me cuz he was showing off in front of you. Pedophile piece of shit. Wanted to look like the big tough guy in front of the minor he was fucking.” Mickey spat. 

“Oh come the fuck on, Mick! You pushed him too far!”

“Too far?” Mickey sneered sarcastically. “Anyway, that was just the first time. It was definitely your fault the second time!”

“What the fuck did I do?” Ian snapped. 

“What _didn’t_ you do? You organized a fuckin home invasion, told me I couldn’t take a gun cuz it was just a drunk old lady and then you kissed me! I was doomed from the fuckin start!”

My jaw swung open and almost hit my desk. “Jesus Christ, Mickey!” Ian’s voice rose a pitch. “ _You_ kissed _me_ , asshole!”

“And it fuckin distracted me!” Mickey hissed. 

“How the fuck did that distract you?”

“BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME!” 

I stared at Mickey as he exploded, his eyes lowered in something that resembled shame. 

“I know it was our first kiss...” Ian muttered. 

Mickey squirmed awkwardly. “No. It was my first kiss.”

Ian’s mouth fell open. “What...ever?”

Mickey ran his hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. “Yeah...”

I bit down on the end of my pen and watched the drama unfold. This wasn’t where I thought the conversation would go when I first asked my question but that was the name of the therapy game. 

“But...what about Angie? The other girls you fucked?” Ian whispered. 

Mickey shrugged. “Wasn’t ever about that.”

Ian fell silent. I leaned forward in my chair and rested my arms on the desk. 

“That was the start of it all, when I look back. That’s what sparked it off. Properly. For us. Before I could write it off as fucking around. But that day...robbing that house...that’s when I knew it was more.” Mickey admitted quietly, surprising both me and Ian. 

“Me too.” Ian smiled shyly. “I think I fell in love with you that day.”

“No you fuckin didn’t.” Mickey snorted. 

“Maybe not that exact day. But soon after. When I was in the group home and you let me crash at your place. That’s when I fell for you.”

Mickey smiled wryly. “Guess we had one good night huh.”

Ian caught Mickey’s hand as it tapped a tune on the arm of the chair. He raised it to his lips and smiled beautifully at his boyfriend. 

“I love you, Mick.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Ditto. And I know it wasn’t your fault that I got shot. Twice. That’s on me.”

I let out a small chuckle. “Okay...now that’s sorted...the reason I asked about your future is because Yev asked me on Sunday if you guys would give him a brother.”

“He _what_?” Mickey demanded. 

I grinned. “Don’t worry, he’s willing to accept a sister if he really has to.”

Ian started to laugh delightedly but Mickey was dumbstruck. 

“We really need to explain to him where babies come from.” Ian joked. 

I shrugged casually. “There’s other ways to have babies.”

Mickey was pale. “Yev really asked that?”

I nodded. “He did.”

“Wow.” Mickey exhaled harshly. 

“Which led me to thinking...what’s your plans for stuff like that? You guys interested in expanding your family?”

Ian held up his hands. “I’d love to have a kid with you, Mick. But not using my little swimmers. That’s a hard no.”

I tilted my head and frowned but Ian just smiled serenely. 

“My bloodline dies with me. Nobody is gonna live with my fucked up genes.”

Mickey shot Ian a scowling glare. “Shut the fuck up with that shit.”

Ian grinned and looped his arms around Mickey’s neck, pulling him into his side and kissing his temple. “I like the idea of Yev having a brother. Someone to play with. Take care of. And you really do make beautiful babies.”

Mickey blushed and nudged Ian in the ribs. I watched carefully for any adverse reaction to my revelation, or rather Yev’s revelation, but Mickey seemed quite balanced with the whole thing. 

“Mickey? How do you feel about having another child?” I probed gently. 

His cheeks were pink but he smiled shyly. “I don’t hate the idea...”

I smiled back brightly. “That’s good enough for now.”

The buzzer went off to signal the end of the session. 

“Okay. That’s it for today.” I said. “Anything exciting going on tonight?”

Mickey glanced at Ian with his usual ‘long-suffering but I love you really’ roll of his eyes. “Pizza and Criminal Minds boxset.” Ian looked genuinely excited. 

I laughed lightly. “Good for you.”

We said our goodbyes and I closed my office door behind them, ticking over in my mind the crazy stuff I’d heard in that session. Dealing with those guys was like trying to make my way out of a maze while blindfolded. 

It was kinda fun though. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey gets something off his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starts a little angsty but doesn’t stay that way. 
> 
> Let me know what you think 🧡

Ian looked like a bag of recycled shit when he showed up with Mickey for their next session. 

“Everything alright?” I asked, heading to the coffee machine. 

Ian smiled tiredly. “First shift at the hospital last night. Need to get used to night shifts again.”

Mickey’s expression was of muted pride. “And I gotta get used to the cold side of the bed again.”

Ian grinned and nudged Mickey fondly. 

“I’m glad it all worked out well. Back on the road to good things.” I said with sincerity. 

“Damn right.” Mickey agreed. 

“So...” I started gently and Mickey glanced at Ian with a wry smile. 

“Here we go. What emotional hoops are we jumping through today?” 

Ian chuckled and leaned closer to Mickey so his arm was resting on Mickey’s chair. “We can handle it....”

Mickey cut Ian off with a raised hand and a warning eyebrow quirk. “I swear to god if you say those words...”

Ian opened his mouth but Mickey was there first again. 

“I SWEAR TO GOD...”

“Hakuna matata.” Ian finished his sentence with a smug grin. 

“Bless you.” I smirked and Ian laughed. Mickey didn’t look amused, however, and shoved at Ian’s arm until it fell off the arm of his chair. “You’ve been saying that for a week, Ian. A full fucking week. It makes no sense.”

“It does make sense! Hakuna matata, it means no worries...” Ian beamed. 

“A problem-free philosophy. Yes I FUCKING know! It’s all you and Yev have been saying this past week and you’re both driving me fuckin crazy!” Mickey snapped. 

I gave them both a withering glare. “Remind me again why I put myself through this weekly ball ache?”

Mickey huffed a sigh and shifted in his seat. “What do you want to talk about?”

I tapped my pen against my lip, wondering if this thought in my mind would create a problem bigger than I could deal with. But it was important to Mickey so I had a duty to bring it up. 

“It’s something we talked about in our session a while back. Before Ian was released.”

I gauged Mickey’s reaction but all I saw was a rapid lick of his lips and a nod. 

“Okay.” I started. “Ian, we talked about your bipolar condition.”

Ian gave an almost imperceptible twitch but nodded. 

“And how you were probably experiencing symptoms for quite some time before your official diagnosis. We talked about Mickey’s concerns that during this period you would often become fixated on things and, for want of a better way to put it, obsessively focus on aspects of your life...”

Ian leaned forward in his chair. “Mick thinks it’s the bipolar that makes me think I’m in love with him.”

I smiled gently. “In a nutshell.”

Ian cut his gaze sideways to Mickey, who was staring pointedly at the floor. 

“I’ve been in love with Mickey since I was fifteen years old. Cheesy, lovesick puppy love. The kind where I wanted him to kiss me and tell me he was crazy about me. It wasn’t the right time for him, but that’s how much I loved him then. Then my heart was broken when he married Lana. The pain I felt then...well I had to be in love or it wouldn’t have killed me like it did. But I still loved him. Even when I went away and the bipolar was getting worse. I was on drugs and I was sleeping around but I still loved him...all I wanted was for the fog to clear. He kept me safe, when I didn’t give a fuck about my own safety.”

I was listening intently but my focus was also on Mickey, seeing his pained expression in my peripheral vision and making my stomach twist. 

“Ian...” Mickey whispered. 

Ian sniffed and reached for Mickey’s hand, missing and grasping his wrist instead. “No baby. You need to hear this.”

Mickey closed his eyes and his throat bobbed when he swallowed hard. 

“I’ve loved you every day for all those years. I wish I’d been able to show it better.” 

“Mickey,” I spoke softly. “How do you feel about that?”

Mickey swiped at his nose with the back of his free hand. “I dunno.”

“You said recently that you forgive Ian for everything. Is that really the case?”

Mickey nodded. “Yeah. All that shit is done and over. I know he ain’t gonna cheat on me again. I believe him when he says he’s gonna stay on the meds and be stable...”

“So what’s on your mind?” I probed. 

Mickey pinched the bridge of his nose, turning ever so slightly toward Ian. “I cared about you so much, I wanted to help you get better. But you didn’t want any help. Only, once I got locked up, you started taking your meds and you got back on track. You sorted your shit out, became an EMT, all while I was inside. And that’s great. I’m so proud of you. But why wasn’t I enough of a reason? Why didn’t you love me enough?”

Tears began to roll down Mickey’s cheeks and drip onto the neck of his grey shirt, leaving darker patches. Ian was silent. His face contorted in agony. 

“Mick...” He finally murmured. “I don’t know what to say...”

I nearly started to speak but Mickey had more to say. Stuff he’d been bottling up for a long time. 

“Then...you left me again. At the border. You told me that you weren’t that person anymore. You had a stable fuckin life that you didn’t wanna run away from. But as soon as you got home you came off the meds and became Gay fuckin Jesus. The stable life went up in flames with that van. You left me again when I needed you.” 

Ian sank back in his chair and started to weep quietly into his hand. 

“I love you so much Ian. I want this to be real. This life I’ve made with you for the last year and a half. I want to believe this is me and you set for life. Talking about having another kid. All of it. I want all of that with you. But how do I trust that it is real when you’re capable of doing that to me?” Mickey finished his gentle rant and wiped his eyes with his fingertips. 

A thick, heavy silence settled in the room. I let it linger for a several long moments before I addressed Ian. 

“How do you feel hearing that, Ian?”

Ian wiped his mouth and cleared his throat. “Like a complete asshole. Like I fucked up the best thing in my life. Over and over.”

Mickey shook his head. “No...that’s not what I wanted...”

Ian smiled weakly. “But it’s true. I did all those things to you. I’m not a good person, Mick. With or without the the bipolar.”

Mickey snorted and moved like lightning to cup the back of Ian’s head. 

“Come ‘ere.” 

Mickey pressed his lips to Ian’s hard. I felt like an intruder in their moment, only able to gaze on as Ian’s body tensed at first and then relax when the familiarity of his boyfriend hit him. Mickey pulled away but kept his hand at the nape of Ian’s neck. 

“Don’t say that shit to me. You _are_ a good person. You’re my person. Just cuz I’m scared don’t mean I’m gonna change how I feel about you. We’re gonna make this work.” He chanted his words like a mantra. 

Ian bit down on his trembling bottom lip. “I guess I just don’t understand why you’d want to make it work...”

Mickey’s smile lit up the room. “Because I love you, dumbass. You weren’t the only one being in love every day for the last ten years.”

Ian started to chuckle. “It’s gonna be different this time. I promise.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here.” Mickey nodded. 

I gave an internal sigh of relief and sat back in my chair. 

“Mickey, do you feel more secure in your future now?”

The young man in front of me nodded firmly. “I do. I guess I always did. I just needed Ian to know how I felt.”

I nodded. “That’s always important. I think you guys have had enough for today.” 

“Fuckin rights we have.”

I fixed Mickey with a pointed stare but broke into a laugh. 

“See you Sunday. Mom wants to get out for a few hours.”

Mickey grinned broadly. “I’ll have her brandy and Baileys ready.”

When Sunday came around I wasn’t sure if it was a good day or a bad day. My mom appeared confused and unsettled when I arrived to pick her up, babbling about the food making her ill and nobody talking to her for days. I knew that wasn’t true. The carers and volunteer staff kept a diary in her room where they updated all of my mom’s activities, and the diary was full of things that she had no recollection of doing. It was another jolt to my sensitive soul. 

“Where are we going?” She held my hand in a death-grip. 

“We’re going to the bar to see Yevgeny.” I told her gently and watched as her face lit up. 

“Oh wonderful! It’s been years since I saw him.”

My heart lurched. “You saw him last weekend, Mom.”

Her expression turned angry. “No I did not! I haven’t seen him since I was a girl! Don’t tell me I just saw him. You have no idea!”

I remembered the calming mantra I used to settle myself down. It had been quite a while since I needed to use it that it made me feel even worse. But after a quick breath I gave her a sunny smile. 

“Well...it’ll be nice for you guys to catch up.”

My mom’s expression changed immediately and she clapped her hands together. “Let’s go.”

The bar was quiet when we arrived. There was no sign of Mickey or Ian anywhere but Yev was sitting in his usual booth with Kevin, playing a card game with peanuts piled up on the table between them. As I got closer I could see they were playing blackjack and chuckled at Yev’s much larger pile of peanuts. 

“The kid’s a card shark.” Kevin moaned good-naturedly. 

“Hi Orin!” Yev bounded to his feet and stopped beside my mom’s wheelchair. “Hey Grandma!”

“Hello Jack.” My mom smiled distantly. 

Kevin and I froze on the spot and waited for Yev’s reaction to her mistake. We needn’t have worried when he just smiled even harder and gave her a sweet peck on the cheek. 

“I missed you.” He told her. “Are you ready to play cards with me? Kev is too easy to beat.”

The breath I’d been holding came out in a squeaky laugh and Kevin pretended to look disgruntled but just joined in with the laughter. 

“He’s right.” Kevin rose to his feet. “You guys get comfortable and I’ll sort out some drinks. Mickey is taking care of the delivery out back and Ian is at his PO meeting. Won’t be long.”

I sat down opposite Yev and patted his hand gently. 

“You did good.” I whispered and his adorable face split into a proud smile. 

“Come on, Jack. We don’t have all day.” My mom urged us to play. 

“Okay Grandma. But I gotta warn you, I’ve been practicing.” Yev replied smoothly. 

_Where the fuck did this kid come from?_ I thought, fondly. 

We hadn’t been playing long when the door opened and Yev shrieked across the room. 

“Mama!”

Lana glided across the bar and settled next to my mom, leaning down to press a kiss to Yev’s forehead then turning to my mom and taking her hand. 

“Hello Helena, it is good to see you looking so well.” She murmured. 

My mom patted her hand. “Hello darling.”

I smiled tightly. “It’s a confused day.”

Lana nodded once. “Helena, would you like me to do your nails?”

“Oh darling you don’t need to waste your time on me. Nobody gets to see your hard work.”

I winced at her defeatist words. That wasn’t the mom I grew up with. My fierce female role model would never give up like this. 

“Nonsense.” Lana snipped. “I will get to see it.”

She quickly got to work before my mom could argue and I started up a game with Yev. 

“How long until summer camp?” I asked him. 

Yev was headed to camp for two weeks and he was beyond excited. 

“Eight more sleeps!” He blurted out. “I leave the day after daddy’s birthday.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize his birthday was coming up.”

Lana cast her eyes to mine. “Birthday is next Saturday. August tenth. We are having small party here. No fuss. Misha hates fuss. You must come.”

With her icy stare and her clipped, accented English Lana could make an invitation to a birthday party sound like a KGB warning. 

I nodded. “Sure. I’d love to.”

“Then when I get back from camp it will be my birthday so we can have another party. With lots of fuss. I like fuss.” Yev grinned. 

Lana rolled her eyes. “We are aware.”

“I’m gonna be seven, Orin!” Yev added. 

“Cool.”

“On the 29th. Don’t forget.” 

I laughed at the little boy and tapped my temple. “Got it.”

When Yev was silently contemplating his cards I allowed myself a second to glance at Lana, catching her eye briefly and feeling a warmth when she smiled at me. It hurt me deeply that she had to go through so much pain to be where she was now. Mickey too. He was only about to turn 26. His son was born a mere couple of weeks after his nineteenth birthday in circumstances beyond all reason. It was devastating to me that it happened but the volume of love they all had for Yev made me rethink my hatred of the human race. 

“Hey Orin!” Kevin yelled from behind the bar where he was serving a group of five men. “Mickey’s been out there ages, could you go back there and see if he needs a hand?”

I nodded and slid out of the booth, heading to the back delivery door. I stepped out into the yard but couldn’t see Mickey. Just as I was about to head back inside I heard familiar voices moving on the other side of the open door. I stayed still and quiet. 

“You’re supposed to be working. Kev could come looking for you...” I heard Ian’s muffled voice. 

“He’s on his own. He won’t leave the bar.” Mickey’s voice was low and urgent. 

I was hidden by the open door, not meaning to eavesdrop but unbelievably curious to hear them interact when they were alone. 

“Need this Ian.” Mickey urged and I caught the unmistakable sounds of kissing. Sloppy, passionate kissing. Oh great. Now I was stuck here listening to them making out. I couldn’t step out from behind the door now, they’d know I’d been there the whole time. I just had to wait it out. 

“Fuck Mick...you’re so hot.” Ian panted. 

Oh Jesus. 

Then it got worse. I heard the rustle of fabric and a zipper being lowered. Mickey’s pained whimper filled the air. 

“So hard.” Ian mumbled. 

Shoot me now. Just shoot me and end this misery. 

“Fuck I need to come.” Mickey whined. 

I walked in on Jack jerking off when he was fifteen. We couldn’t look at each other for a week afterwards. This felt strangely similar to that moment in my life. 

“Come for me, baby.” Ian coached Mickey and I closed my eyes in utter dismay when Mickey reached his quiet but obvious climax a second later. 

“Holy shit.” He gasped and Ian chuckled softly. 

“Get back to work. We can finish this later.”

More smacking lips sounds. Will this horror ever end? 

Finally I heard their footsteps fading into the distance so I quickly closed the door and headed out onto the sidewalk. I looped around the block and back into the bar, where Mickey was now serving beer to a customer with a dazed smile on his face. I assumed Ian was in the restroom. Hopefully washing his hands. Please God, let him be washing his hands. 

I sat back down in the booth and my mom looked at me curiously. 

“Are you okay sweetie?” She asked me. 

I smiled warmly at her lucid concern. “I’m fine. Your nails are lovely.”

“She’s a miracle worker.” My mom beamed at Lana, who smiled sweetly. 

Ian appeared beside me and I fought the blush that threatened to consume me. 

“Hey Orin.”

“Hey. Everything good with your PO?”

Ian sat down and nodded quickly. “Yeah. Apparently getting this new job is a massive tick in the good column for me.”

“I agree.” 

“Lana tell you about Mickey’s party next week?”

“Yep. Wouldn’t miss it.” I assured him. “And as a gift, I’m giving you guys a free pass on your Friday session.”

Ian chuckled but shook his head. “You don’t need to do that...”

I shrugged. “There if you want it. Or come by and we’ll go for ice cream. Whatever.”

“Thanks Orin.”

My blush crept up my cheeks again when Mickey wandered over when there was a lull at the bar. Yev leaned his head over the back of the cushion and Mickey bent down to plant butterfly kisses all over the youngster’s face. Yev giggled happily and Mickey tickled under his chin. It was amazing to see my violent, angry parolee relaxed and playful like this. Maybe it was the quick handjob in the alley. Maybe it was having the people he loved nearby. It could’ve been all of it. But it was beautiful to see and I wanted to see more of it. Every single day. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey celebrates his birthday.

I spent way longer than I should have done thinking about a gift for Mickey’s birthday. I didn’t want to pick out something inappropriate but I had to get something. It was stressing me out badly and it was only when I glanced at my cell and saw I had a message from Jack that I realized I had an untapped resource at my disposal. I called him immediately and he answered on the third ring. 

“Hey Dad.”

“Hey kiddo. Listen, what would a 26 year old gay guy like for a birthday present?”

Jack spluttered a laugh. “Well, given that my birthday is in December and I’ll be 27, I’m gonna assume we’re talking about Mickey.”

“Correct.” I confirmed. 

“Okay. Please tell me you know that not all gay guys like the same stuff...”

“Obviously.” My voice was arched, like my eyebrows. That Jack couldn’t see. But whatever. 

“Alright. Mickey seems like a simple kinda guy. Works hard. Looks after his kid.”

“Accurate summary.” I sighed. “So what do I get him?”

“A cock ring?” Jack said simply. 

“JACK EDWARD CAMPBELL!” I gasped dramatically, even though I wasn’t one bit surprised. I knew my son’s wickedly funny sense of humor to the letter. He didn’t disappoint. 

Jack snickered in amusement. “Or a dildo, if he’s more of a catcher than a pitcher.”

“Jesus Christ! What did I ever do to deserve this?” I wailed. 

“Alright.” Jack chuckled. “Speaking of baseball though...is he into sports? What about Sox tickets?”

I fully expected to have to veto his next suggestion but it made me stop and think. 

“That’s actually not a bad idea.” I stated. 

“Of course it’s not. That’s why you called me.” Jack teased. 

“Thank you Jack.” I drawled. 

“No problem.” He replied easily. “Just remember, when it comes to December I’d prefer a cock ring.”

“Goodbye Jack!” I yelled out and hastily hung up to the sound of loud crowing laughter. 

A friend of a friend hooked me up with two Sox tickets for a game the next weekend. It didn’t cost me much but it’s the thought that counts, right? When Friday came around and it was the day before Mickey’s birthday I was surprised to see the guys turn up for their session. 

“I thought for sure you’d want a break.” I grinned as they sat down. 

Mickey shrugged. “Didn’t want you to miss us too much.”

I rolled my eyes. “Like that’d be a problem.”

That was a joke. I was really gonna miss these guys when Mickey’s mandatory hours ended in November. That would be his six months completed. The government wouldn’t cough up for more than the minimum, Mickey couldn’t afford to pay for his own therapy and I couldn’t afford to lose the pay check to do it for free. Maybe if I didn’t have my mom’s fees to take care of I could consider pro bono as an option. But it was ruled out for now, even if it would devastate me to stop being around to help Mickey and Ian. 

“It’s a beautiful day. Too nice to be indoors. Let’s go to the park.” I stood up, not about to get all heavy and depressing when it was Mickey’s birthday the next day. 

With our tubs of Ben and Jerry’s we headed to the park and sat in the shade of a large tree, watching the birds dive bomb the water in the hope of catching some lunch. 

“So,” I smiled softly. “No Yev for two whole weeks. How are we all gonna cope?”

Ian chuckled. “Dunno about you guys, but I’m gonna be a sobbing wreck.”

Mickey smiled too. “I’m just happy that he’s leaving me this time, and not the other way round.”

I laughed heartily. “That’s the spirit.”

“I’m gonna miss the hell outta him.” Mickey admitted. “But I’m glad he gets to do all the stuff I never got a shot at. That’s the main thing for me. I don’t wanna spoil him or turn him into a brat. But I want him to do all the stuff kids should do, y’know?”

I nodded. “I get that. And in all honesty, I really don’t think Yev could be a brat if he tried. You're raising him right.”

Mickey blushed with pride and Ian ruffled his boyfriend’s hair. 

“I got you a gift. I’ll give it to you now.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the envelope. Mickey’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“What’s that for?”

“Your birthday, of course.” I rolled my eyes. 

“You didn’t have to...”

I cut off his shy ramble with a wave of my hand. “I know you know how birthdays work. Now I asked Jack for advice so if you hate it you can blame him. But I guarantee you that this is better than his first idea.”

Mickey smirked. “I’m intrigued.”

I watched nervously as he ripped open the package and scanned the tickets. 

“Oh wow Orin. This is fuckin cool.” He grinned brightly. “I used to sneak into these games when I was a kid.”

I chuckled. “Great. I’m glad you like them. It’ll be a nice day out for you and Ian.”

Ian gaped at me. “No way, you gotta go with him.”

“No, I got them for you both.”

Ian shook his head. “I can’t take...”

Mickey nudged Ian’s arm to shut him up. “Look, you can’t go anyway. You’re working that day. Unless you change your shift, which you won’t do because you haven’t been there long enough to ask for that shit.”

Ian smiled victoriously at me and I rolled my eyes. Mickey grinned and slapped the tickets against his palm. 

“Looks like it’s me and you, Orin.”

I nodded. “Sure you don’t have anyone else you wanna take?”

“Only Yev, but he’s a Nerd Camp so I guess I’m stuck with you.” Mickey smiled widely. 

I loved when Mickey was in this relaxed, playful mood. 

“Guess so. The perks of being your only friend without a felony conviction.” I sparred. 

“Cold, man. Very cold.” Mickey chuckled. 

We fell into a quiet lull as we finished off our ice cream. Mickey took all of the trash to the receptacle at the gate to the park and left me alone with Ian. 

“Everything okay, Ian?” I asked softly. “It was a tough session last week.”

Ian smiled wistfully. “Yeah. I know he feels like that. I block it out sometimes. It’s easier than trying to think of more ways to justify what I did. Cuz there’s no justification really. He stood by me, looked out for me, blew up his whole life for me. And I just ran away. Left him to face a fifteen stretch on his own. Then got my shit together when he was gone. I mean, how do I even start to explain myself? I can’t. So that’s it. I block it out. Hope he doesn’t think about it too much that he leaves my ass the way I left him.”

“That’s no way to live.” I murmured softly. 

Ian shrugged with glassy eyes. “I dunno what else to do, Orin. I got this extra chance with him. What did I ever do to deserve that?”

I smiled reassuringly. “You were the first person to love Mickey. I mean, that wasn’t related to him. I’m sure his sister loved him. His mom. But you were the first person in the world that _chose_ him. When he was struggling with his identity. His sexuality. You were there for him when he needed to feel loved. You did more for him than you’re letting yourself believe.”

Ian blushed and kicked the dirt with his toe. “That was a lifetime ago. How long can I dine out on that without the rest of it catching up to me?”

I laughed softly. “I don’t know. But it’s working out for you so far. I know therapy is about talking over your past and clearing things up in your mind, but it doesn’t always do to dwell on things you can’t change either. You have a long life ahead of you and this time is also about preparing you for that. Giving you two the tools you need to live and love successfully. Happily. Without facing the pain you did before.”

Ian sniffed and nodded, watching as Mickey made his way back towards us. “I want to make him as happy as he makes me.”

I laughed quietly. “Then you guys are gonna be just fine.”

Mickey stopped in front of us. “Oh God. What’s happened?”

Ian burst into soft laughter and wiped at his glassy eyes. “Allergies.”

Mickey flopped back down on the grass beside us and lit up a cigarette. “Whatever man.”

I closed my eyes in the sunshine and zoned out their gentle bickering banter until it was just background noise. I don’t know if I fell asleep but when I next heard Mickey’s voice it was to tell me he had to head off to work. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you take a nap when our session ends early.” He teased. 

I yawned and stretched. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”

The Alibi was done up for Mickey’s birthday gathering with a wonky banner and balloons pinned to the wood panelling behind the bar. The man himself was surrounded by his usual group of friends and family, smiling awkwardly and looking a little dazed. If I knew anything about Mickey it was that social events like this were his idea of hell. But he was holding up well and had Yev perched on his lap, which seemed to be his anchor. When he caught my eye I waved over and grinned, signalling that I was grabbing a drink. 

Kevin’s wife was behind the bar, I’d only met her once in the many times I had visited the bar since I met Mickey. They had young twin daughters so I guess she had her hands full elsewhere when I usually visited. 

“Hey! It’s Orin, right?”

I smiled warmly at her greeting. “That’s me. And you’re Vee.”

“Yup. What are you drinking?” She beamed, her perfect white teeth sparkling as she smiled. 

“Beer please. And one for the birthday boy too.”

She grinned across at Mickey, who was listening to Yev talking excitedly about how early he had to wake up the next day for camp. Mickey was smiling but I could spot the sadness hiding in his eyes. 

“He’s going to miss him so bad.” Vee sighed and placed the first beer on the counter. So I wasn’t the only person who could see it. 

“I was the same when it was my son. He thought he was big enough to take on the world and I had to wave him off knowing I still had to buy him Velcro sneakers because he couldn’t grasp how to tie his own laces.”

Vee tipped her head back and laughed loudly. “Oh man, that’s real talk right there. Amy, my little girl, thinks it’s fine to waltz outta the door without telling us where she’s going and thinks I’m the crazy lady for calling her out on it. She’s seven damn years old!”

I chuckled. “They drive us crazy but I’d go back to those days like a shot. My eldest is thirty next Spring. I already feel like I need more time with them.”

I went to hand over a twenty but Vee waved me off. 

“Those are on me. Keep doing what you’re doing for them, Orin. I didn’t think they’d make it. Now I don’t doubt it.” She squeezed my hand tightly. 

Before I could argue she had breezed away to serve another customer so I picked up the drinks and headed over to Mickey. 

“Happy birthday, Mick.”

“Thanks Orin.” He smiled happily. “Grab a seat before the rest of the Gallaghers show up and take over the place.”

“Hey!” Ian protested and flicked Mickey’s ear. “That’s our family you’re being mean about.”

Mickey rolled his eyes at me and I grinned, sipping on my beer. Yev gazed at me curiously. 

“Orin, did you ever go to summer camp?”

I shook my head. “Nope. My parents didn’t have much money when I was a kid. We always spent the summer in Arkansas with my grandparents.”

“Oh.” Yev frowned. 

“It was pretty cool though. My Grandpa taught me to swim in the creek, and fish there too. I had great times there.” I assured him. 

“That sounds like fun.” Yev agreed. “Maybe one day I can go on vacation with my Daddy.”

Mickey looked tense but smiled at his son. I knew he was thinking about money and it hurt my heart to see him like that.

“One day, kiddo. Ian will have to teach me to swim, since you already got so good.”

Yev beamed proudly. “You’re good too, Daddy.”

“Not as good as you and Ian.”

Ian leaned over and pecked a kiss to Mickey’s forehead as he stood up. “You’re good.”

I watched Ian float away to the bar and glanced at Mickey. 

“He seems happy today.” I remarked. 

“Yeah.” He agreed. As soon as I saw Mickey’s leering smile I understood why Ian was looking so pleased with himself. I rolled my eyes. 

“Jesus. You’re like a couple of teenagers.” I teased. 

Mickey shrugged. “Hey. If it works, it works. Right?”

“Right.” I laughed. “So other than your ‘personal time’ with your boyfriend, how’s your day going?”

Yev nudged Mickey to release him and he clambered down from his father’s lap. He’d spotted Kevin arriving with his two beautiful daughters and wanted to play with his friends. 

Mickey glanced at Ian, then at Yev and then back to me, smiling shyly. “Pretty fuckin great.”

I clinked my beer glass against his and shared with him a happy smile. 

The gathering was very sedate in comparison to the stories I’d been told of previous Gallagher-led parties. Carl, Liam and Debbie arrived along with Debbie’s young daughter, who immediately joined the kids at the table they’d commandeered for their games. Debbie squeezed Mickey in a tight hug as she wished him happy birthday and his face turned red. I wasn’t sure if it was the outpouring of affection from Debbie or that she was cutting off the blood supply to his brain. Once Debbie spotted Lana she left Mickey alone and went to chat girl shit that neither Mickey, Ian or I had a clue about. French tips. Cats eyes. It was a minefield of nonsense. Everything was going great. Everyone was getting on fine. Until about two hours in, when the door opened and a scraggly looking man with patchy stubble and greasy hair stumbled inside the bar. 

“Hello, my ungrateful offspring. Is this a private party or can anyone join in?”

Kevin rose to his feet, just as Vee leaned menacingly over the bar. 

“Private party, Frank.” Kevin warned. 

“Don’t be like that, Kevin. I’ve warmed that bar stool for close to thirty years! Long before you and your lady rocked up. All my family are here...”

“You owe $275 on a tab you left town to avoid. I ain’t serving you anything other than what comes outta the blocked urinal. Now get outta here and come back with my money.” Vee slammed her hand down on the counter. 

I watched on in fascination as the drama unfolded, glancing at Mickey for clarification. 

“Ian’s dad. Sort of. Junkie, alcoholic waste of oxygen.” Mickey rolled his eyes. 

My eyes went back to the man swaying in the entrance. Ian walked closer to him and spoke in a calm, low voice. 

“Go home, Frank. We don’t want you here.”

Frank’s eyes flashed with fury. It was insane to see him flip so quickly. He reared back and launched himself at Ian, aiming to head butt his son, but Ian wasn’t drunk and saw it coming. He dipped his shoulder so Frank fell into an empty space. In a split second, Mickey was out of his seat and had this Frank guy pinned against the bar. Yev squealed and ran towards Mickey but I grabbed him at the last second and hauled him back. Lana grabbed for Yev while I went to back up Mickey. 

“I warned you before Frank. You lay a hand on him again and I’ll finish you. You’re lucky you missed. Now get the fuck outta here before I really get to celebrate my birthday!”

Kevin held the door open while Mickey and Ian man handled Frank out of the bar and onto the street. 

“And pay your fuckin debts, you lowlife leech! This ain’t a fuckin charity!” Mickey yelled after Frank as he slammed the door shut on him. 

I sat back down and noticed that Mickey saw Yev was sitting with Lana, looking sad and pale. 

“Hey kiddo. Sorry about that.” He smiled softly as he approached his son. “You know it’s my job to kick the bad guys out of here.”

Yev nodded and smiled shyly. “I didn’t want him to hurt you or Ian.”

Mickey ruffled Yev’s hair. “We’re both fine. I was looking out for us.”

“I know.” 

I drained my beer glass and stood up, approaching them carefully. “I gotta get going. Enjoy the rest of your day.” 

Mickey smiled and shook my hand. “Thanks for coming, Orin.”

“It’s been a pleasure.” I turned to Yev and gestured for him to join me for a moment. I bent down to his eye level and he gave me a bashful smile. 

“You be careful at camp, young man. Listen to the camp leaders and don’t do anything that could get you hurt. Your mama, daddy and Ian are already gonna be missing you like crazy so don’t give them anything else to worry about.” I spoke gently. 

Yev nodded firmly. “I won’t.”

“I’m gonna miss you too. But you’re gonna have a great time so enjoy every minute of it.” I added. 

“I will.” Yev agreed. 

“And this is for you to spend in the gift shop. Bring your parents a little something back. Maybe a magnet for their fridges or something cute like that.”

Yev’s eyes widened when I pressed the folded up twenty into the palm of his hand. “Thank you!”

“Keep it safe. Keep yourself safe.” I grinned. 

Yev threw his arms around my neck. “See you real soon, Orin. Look after grandma while I’m gone.”

I chuckled and released him from the hug. “Of course I will. She’s already desperate to hear all your camp stories. So make sure you got plenty to tell her.”

Yev nodded silently and I got to my feet, waving goodbye to everyone. 

“See you next week, Mick.” 

“I’ll be there.” He waved back. 

I left the bar and headed straight home for an early night with a good book. All of these good days I was having made me pretty exhausted. 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Orin bond at a ball game.

Mickey’s sessions on Monday and Wednesday were pleasant and uneventful. He’d settled into the routine and was happy to chat about any topic I brought up. One thing we touched on was his relationship with Ian’s family. It was toward the end of our Wednesday session and brought on by Mickey’s casual, disdainful comment about Ian’s father, Frank. 

“I assume he hasn’t been part of the family for some time.”

Mickey shook his head. “Nah. Ian’s older sister Fiona took care of all of them. Got proper guardianship when Liam was still a little kid. Frank even went to court to challenge her. Scared his social security checks would stop.”

I snorted a dark laugh. “Funny how people only remember they got kids when that comes up.”

Mickey laughed. “Yeah. Thing with Frank is, he’s smart. He knows big words and can talk his way around most things. It’s really the drink that makes him go for the bad decisions. It’s hard to have sympathy for him when you know he knows better. That he can be better. He’s got six kids in that house and he doesn’t wanna be better for them. I don’t understand that mentality.”

“Clearly. You got yourself together for Yev.” I noted. 

Mickey lowered his gaze and shrugged. “Did what I’m meant to do.”

“Maybe. But that’s not always enough for some guys. Especially when you went through all that you did before he was born.”

Mickey’s lashes fluttered and I could see the fight in his eyes to stay away from crying. 

“He didn’t ask to be born.” He replied softly. 

“Nobody ever does.” I added. “It sounded like you’ve got history with Frank. What’s the deal?”

Mickey started to laugh and shook his head. “Oh man. That’s a long story.”

“Try me.”

“I nearly killed him once.” Mickey said, utterly dispassionate. 

“What do you mean?” I leaned my forearms on my desk. 

“He caught me and Ian. Before Terry did. Jesus, we were so bad at being on the down low.” Mickey barked a laugh. “We locked ourselves in the store so we could fuck, but Frank snuck in the delivery door and found us. So I had to kill him.”

My bottom lip dropped in surprise as I gaped at him. “Then what?”

“Ian begged me not to, I ignored him. Got a gun from my dad’s stash and chased Frank down.”

“Why did you have to kill him?” I murmured. 

Mickey rolled his eyes at me. “Terry was unhinged. Taking way too much coke. He woulda killed me outright.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “What happened when you found Frank?”

Mickey’s face twisted into a dark grin. “Couldn’t do it. Keep picturing Ian’s face. Hearing him begging me not to.”

“Jesus. Then what?”

“Dumped the gun, punched a cop and ended up in juvie.” Mickey gave me a casual summary. 

“Holy fuck. Why?” I hissed. 

Mickey shrugged like it was obvious. “At least then if Frank did spill his guts, I was safe from Terry behind bars.”

“Jesus Christ.” I rubbed my eyes. “It was really that bad?”

Mickey met my gaze and scowled. “He dislocated my elbow one time cuz I opened the front door to a cop. I was nine. He broke my nose when I told him I couldn’t sell weed at school. I was ten. I had a stray cat that would sneak into my bedroom window and I’d feed him scraps. Terry found out, called me a faggot and shot the cat dead. The blood stain is probably still on the carpet now. I was twelve. Need I go on?”

I felt so overwhelmingly sad for him and it must’ve shown on my face. 

“I don’t want your pity.” Mickey spat angrily. 

I sighed heavily. “I’m human, Mick. That’s how I’d feel for anyone.”

He sniffed and twisted in his chair. “Yeah well. Shoulda just shot Frank when I had the chance. Ian found out he isn’t his real dad. He’s actually his uncle. Monica fucked Frank's brother and had Ian. Didn’t even know until Ian got a DNA test. Frank thought that was the green light to treat Ian even worse than usual. He’d push him around, but head butting is his favorite. Broke Ian’s nose more than once.”

I winced and shuddered at the thought of a grown man doing that to a kid. Especially a kid you once believed was your son. 

“One time he tried it while I was staying with Ian at his place. Frank didn’t know I was there. I made it clear Ian was off limits.”

I smiled proudly. “You stood up for him.”

“Someone has to! Ian just let’s every fucker walk all over him.” Mickey growled. 

“What about the rest of Ian’s family? They seem to be very fond of you.”

Mickey sighed. “They’re cool, really. Most of the time. They love Ian. Check up on him. It’s just a lot for me...I don’t know how to handle that.”

“The closeness?” 

“Yeah. It suffocates me sometimes.”

I nodded. “You’re not used to it.”

“I wasn’t. I’m getting better. Debbie still freaks me out sometimes with the hugging shit. But it’s cool. I feel...wanted, I guess.”

“You are.” I nodded. “Very much so.”

We ended the session and Mickey headed off with plans in place to meet me for a pre-game breakfast at his place. I leapt at the chance. There’s only so many times a grown man can eat Coco-Pops and feel like a successful adult. 

I arrived at Mickey’s place and found it was immaculately tidy. I raised my eyebrows at the almost sterile environment. 

“Easy to keep clean with the little tornado away.” Mickey grinned, scratching at his neck. 

“Missing him?”

“Like my arm’s been chopped off.” 

I laughed at his sigh and followed him into the small kitchen. Two plates were set out at the table with fresh coffee brewing and filling the room with a delicious aroma. 

“Sit down. Breakfast is ready.” Mickey gestured to a chair so I sat down and watched him open the oven door, releasing a cloud of freshly cooked food smells into the air to blend with the coffee. I grinned when he used gloves to pull out a tray with a stack of fresh pancakes and place them on the table, quickly followed by a dish of perfectly crisped bacon. Mickey had to stretch on his tiptoes to grab a bottle of maple syrup from a cupboard and grunted with the effort. 

“Does this to me every fuckin day.”

I frowned curiously and Mickey placed the bottle beside me. 

“Fuckin lanky ass. Forgets we’re not all seven feet tall.”

I bit back a smile and set up my plate with some food, while Mickey poured us some coffee. 

“This is awesome, Mick. Thank you.”

Mickey blushed. “S’nothing.”

“More than I could manage.” I told him, honestly. 

I’d get this kid to accept a compliment if it was the last thing I did. 

We ate the food, which was delicious. How did he get the pancakes so _fluffy_? Mickey went to grab his jacket and we headed out to the ball game. 

The last ball game I went to in person was Jack’s last game of the season as a senior in high school. He was a brilliant first baseman and almost opted to go on an athletic scholarship to play ball. I loved watching him play. When he told me and his mom he was gay when he was fifteen we were shocked. Worried for him. He’d always been popular at school and girls flocked around him, but he was focused on his studies and his baseball. We were scared the revelation would change everything for him and his friends would turn their backs on him, like I’m sure mine would’ve done if it had been me in that situation at my own high school. I hated the thought that my son could be bullied for something so innate and unchangeable. But we needn’t have worried. Our boy was brave beyond all measure. He shrugged off the teasing slurs from ignorant classmates who didn’t know him. He joined in with playful banter from his close friends who accepted him as they always had. I didn’t think I could be more proud of him, but every day he blew my mind. 

“You’re doing a weird thing with your eyes.” Mickey broke into my thoughts. 

We were sitting in our surprisingly decent seats, considering how much I paid for them, and waiting for the last innings to start. The Sox were behind but not by much. 

“What thing?” I grunted. 

“Like...I dunno...you’re in a romance and gazing wistfully off into the distance and shit.” Mickey giggled. 

I swatted him with the back of my hand. “Shut up. I was thinking about Jack.”

“Oh yeah?”

I nodded. “Yeah. He played ball in high school. He was good.”

“He still looks like a jock.” Mickey grinned with his tongue poking out between his teeth. “It’s a good look.”

I smirked. “Sure. I was thinking about when he told us he was gay.”

“How old was he?”

“Fifteen. Just blurted it out over dinner. Meatloaf. I’ll never forget. He thought we’d be mad at him.”

“For being gay?” Mickey frowned. 

I chuckled. “I guess like most guys in my generation, I made inappropriate jokes and used slurs as jokey insults.”

“How’d you take it?” 

I sighed, knowing my reaction to Jack’s revelation was the opposite of Terry’s. “I picked my jaw up off the tablecloth, gave him a hug and told him I loved him.”

Mickey gave out a burst of laughter. “Course you did. And then you stopped using the word fag in general conversation.”

A woman in the row ahead of us turned her head sharply to glare at us but I just smiled at her. I tilted my head so I was closer to Mickey. 

“That’s right. My kids taught me as much as I ever taught them.”

Mickey turned to face me with a sad smile on his face. “Damn. Your kids won the parent lottery, huh.”

“Oh hell no. Not even close. I made mistakes. Left, right and center some days. But I guess if you love them and they love you it’s easier to make it through.” I replied honestly. 

Jesus. Who was getting the therapy here?

Mickey gulped down some warm beer from his plastic beaker. “Wanted to talk to you about something...”

“Oh?”

“Didn’t wanna do it in one of my sessions. I need advice from a friend. There’s a difference, you know?” He added, twisting his fingers together anxiously. 

“Of course. What do you need?”

Mickey lifted his eyes to the clouds, avoiding my gaze. “I...uh...want to get married.”

My mouth turned to sawdust. I tried to speak but no sound came out other than a weird “heurgh” noise. 

“Say something!” Mickey gasped, still fixing his stare on the white wisps of cloud above his head. 

“To Ian?” I blurted out. 

Mickey’s neck almost snapped as he looked at me. “Of course Ian, who the fuck else?”

“Why?”

“For his fuckin insurance.” Mickey rolled his eyes. “Why’d you fuckin think? I love the stupid ginger fuck.” 

The woman turned to glare at us again but Mickey just glared right back until she turned back around. 

“I meant why now? You’re still working through stuff together.”

Mickey smiled shyly. “I just wanna be married to him. Wanna have my own family.”

I nodded. “I get that. Do you want that because you think Ian might leave again?”

I wasn’t prepared to be floored by Mickey’s response, but there he goes again. Surprising the shit out of me. 

“No. I want it because I’m sure he won’t.”

The rest of the ball game passed in a blur. Neither of us watched it with any great detail. I grilled Mickey about his motives. Mickey had an answer for everything. Finally I ran out of questions and just smiled. He grinned back at me and shrugged broadly. 

“I know we can do it.”

“I agree.” I found myself admitting. 

“So you don’t think it’s a bad idea?” He asked. 

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Mick, we’re both divorced with kids. Not sure either of us gets to have an opinion on it.”

“Fuck it.” Mickey laughed. “Can’t be worse than my first marriage.”

I laughed along but I knew that statement wasn’t true. This could be a lot worse if it didn’t work out. A whole world of fucking pain could erupt if this didn’t work out. This was Mickey’s soulmate. There’d be no coming back if this blew up in his face. That thought scared me more than I expected it to. 

“You don’t agree.” Mickey sighed flatly. 

“I didn’t say that.”

“Look Orin, you’re the closest thing I’ve got to a father figure. So, sorry and all that, but it’s on you to lay it out for me. Tell me your wisdom. What would you tell Jack if this was him?” He floored me again with that declaration. 

I smiled and nudged his knee with my own. “I’d tell him that he is a big boy now who knows his mind and knows his heart. If he thinks it’s right and it’s what he wants I will back him all the way. And if, God forbid, it didn’t go how he wanted it to go I would be there for him and help him pick up the pieces.”

Mickey met my gaze, his lip trembling until he bit down on it. 

“And I’m saying the exact same thing to you.” I added, putting my arm loosely around his shoulder. “Whatever you decide, I got your back.”

Mickey didn’t speak but I heard him sniff. We watched the end of the game in silence. It wasn’t awkward. It was just right. 

This kid, man. This fucking awesome kid. 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin witnesses some romance and Yev returns from camp.

“Orin, am I crazy?”

Mickey looked pitifully anxious when I looked up from my notepad. He’d only been in my office for a minute and he was hitting me with the big shots. 

“Compared to who?” I replied. 

“Don’t fuck with me. I’m not thinking straight lately.” Mickey sighed. 

I chuckled gently. “Mick, what’s going on? You’re no more crazy than I am. Whatever comfort that gives you.”

Mickey rubbed his eyes tiredly. “I ain’t sleeping. I can’t seem to switch my brain off.”

I got the horrible feeling we were regressing at a rapid rate. The confident, self-assured Mickey we’d worked hard to cultivate over the last few months was gone and replaced by the bouncy-knee, lip-biting, timid little creature I’d met on the first day. 

“I keep thinking he’s gonna say no.” He mumbled under his breath. 

Finally, my brain caught up. 

“Ian. When you propose.” 

Mickey’s face screwed up. “Propose. Ugh. Sounds so...gay.”

My eyes widened. “Well I hate to break it to you...”

Mickey chuckled. “I know. Makes no sense.”

I shook my head. “What would you rather I call it?”

After a moment of deliberation Mickey shrugged. “Fuck it. Propose is what it is, right? I’m gonna marry a dude. Need to get used to all the fag terminology.”

I huffed a sigh. “Propose is definitely not gay terminology, Mickey.”

“Whatever.”

“What makes you think Ian is gonna say no?”

“Because he’s smart.”

I smirked at his retort, expecting nothing less. “He’s also in love with you.”

“Is that enough?”

I placed my pen on the desk and rested my chin on my palm. “The Beatles seemed to think so.”

“What?” Mickey frowned. 

“All You Need Is Love.” I smiled. “Heard that song?”

Mickey laughed happily. “Yeah...my mom liked The Beatles.”

“Mine does too.” I smiled. 

“But is it really all you need? Cuz I can’t help thinking we need more that.” Mickey’s smile was tight. 

“Like what?”

“Meds. Money to pay for meds. Jobs to make money to pay for meds.”

I sat back in my seat. “So it all revolves around Ian staying on his meds.”

Guilt flooded Mickey’s expression and his head lowered in shame. “I guess.”

“Mickey, it’s not unreasonable to need that.”

“Kinda takes the romance outta things though. _Hey Ian, will you marry me? Oh by the way, I’m gonna need you to swear to me that you’re always gonna take your brain numbing pills. Great. Thanks_!” He squeaked a voice and I would’ve laughed if he didn’t look so desolate. 

“Mickey, this is supposed to be a happy time for you. And Ian too. You want to commit to spending the rest of your lives together. If Ian’s mental health is still a cause for concern then are you sure this is the right thing to do? Now, I mean.” I suggested softly. 

Mickey’s eyes filled with tears. “I want to marry him, Orin. I want it so bad.”

“I know. But sometimes you have to wait for things to be right.” 

“I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of wanting my life to be the way I want it and being told by the whole fuckin world that I can’t. I’m just tired, Orin. And the only thing that makes me feel normal is Ian and Yev.”

“Neither of them are going anywhere.” I reminded him. 

“I know.” He whispered. “At least, I think I do.”

“Do you want to talk about this on Friday when Ian is here?” I suggested. 

Mickey rolled his eyes at me. “Now that would really take the romance out of my proposal, wouldn’t it?”

I chuckled. “A little.”

“Fact is, Orin, I’m crazy and I’m fucked.”

“And really fuckin dramatic.” I added with a huff. 

Mickey’s eyebrows shot up his forehead and into his hairline. “Well excuse me for thinking my therapist might wanna hear my issues.”

“I do. I really do. But you’re not giving me any problems to work through here. You’ve got a kid who thinks you hung the moon, you’re in love with a guy who thinks you two are some kind of Shakespearean love story. Give me something to work with!” I rambled. 

“How do I know Ian wants me as much as I want him?”

“You ask him.”

“Just like that?”

“Would you believe it if I told you he does? No. You need to hear it from him.” I shrugged. 

“What do I say?” Mickey bit his lip. 

“Ian, I love you, will you marry me and spend the rest of our days in a routine so boring we could fall asleep with our eyes open?” I reeled off. 

He threw a pen at my head. “Fuck off.”

I chuckled. “It’s true though! That’s what you want.”

Mickey slumped and rubbed his eyes. “I do. So bad. I want high drama to be Yev getting a B or Ian forgetting to buy milk when we run out.”

“So tell him that. I’m almost convinced he feels the same. Give him a chance to convince you.” I added. 

It was tough to stay away from the topic of marriage when Ian joined us for our Friday session. I had a lot of things I wanted to ask Ian but it wasn’t my place. It wouldn’t be coming from a professional place, it would be my own protective instinct kicking in for Mickey. 

“How are you finding living together?” I asked them. 

Mickey smiled shyly. “It’s good.”

Ian’s grin was brighter. “It’s awesome.”

“You’re getting the space you need?” I asked him. 

“Yeah. To be honest, I haven’t really needed it. Mickey is cool just letting me be. And Yev is always great. It’s just all fitting into place.”

I gave him a sincere smile. “I’m glad. Mickey, are you happy with how your routine has adjusted?”

He nodded. “Sure. Except I have to clean the bathroom mirror every day cuz fucktard here keeps leaving me notes in the steam and it makes it go all streaky.”

Ian giggled and I raised a brow. “Notes?”

“Stupid shit. Like a ‘thought of the day’ sort of thing.” Mickey tried to scowl but I could see from the shine in his eyes that he loved reading Ian’s mirror messages. 

“Like what?” I pressed, eager to give Mickey something to realize for himself. 

“This morning was... _everyday I wake up smiling, I think it’s your fault_.”

Ian just grinned and looked thoroughly pleased with himself, while I chuckled happily along. 

“And?” I wanted more 

“Fuck, you think I made notes?” Mickey huffed. 

“No. But I think you’ve remembered some.”

He glared at me but thought about it. 

“ _When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work_.” Mickey recited and Ian shrieked with laughter. 

“I fuckin love Instagram.” 

I couldn’t stop smiling at Mickey’s mix of discomfort and joy. 

“Give me one more...” I pleaded. 

Mickey shook his head in dismay but his eyes grew misty with concentration as he tried to recall. 

_“I love you for your personality...but that ass sure is a bonus_.”

I couldn’t hold in my laugh any longer. As I giggled my eyes started to leak. 

“You two absolutely slay me!”

Ian was still grinning. Mickey was blushing like crazy. 

“Do you leave him messages back?” I asked. 

“Not on the mirror. He’s crazy, OCD about keeping the bathroom clean.” Ian snorted. 

“You saw the crack den I grew up in.” Mickey shuddered. 

“But he leaves them in other places?”

Ian nodded and smiled dreamily. “He makes me up a food package to take to work for my break. He slips a post-it note in there sometimes.”

Mickey blushed harder. “Do we have to do this?”

I nodded. “Oh god yeah! What do they say Ian?”

“ _I miss you even when I’m not horny._ ” Ian smirked widely.

“Jesus fuck.” Mickey groaned. 

“But my favorite...” Ian added over the top of him. “...was when he wanted me to text him during my shift. The note said _I get hard when your name pops up on my screen_.”

I shot Mickey a look. “Any of yours not written by your dick?”

Ian playfully ruffled Mickey’s hair. “It’s how he flirts. It’s cute.”

Mickey was glowing with embarrassment. “You guys suck.”

Ian leaned over and pecked Mickey on the lips. “We know.”

I settled back with a smile on my face. It was nice to see them relax and interact about the good stuff in their lives. I could only hope Mickey saw that stuff too. The day to day stuff that would keep a marriage afloat for many years. 

I didn’t go to the Alibi on Sunday afternoon like I usually did. I knew Mickey wouldn’t be working since Yev was home from camp at some point in the day. I had a long lie in then got up to have some breakfast and a Skype chat with Sarah. It was a weekly ritual and I looked forward to seeing her happy face on my iPad screen as she chatted animatedly about the little monsters in her kindergarten class. After we hung up I looked around my apartment for something to do. I was up to date with my case notes. The place was so basic and unfurnished that keeping it clean and tidy took no time at all. I could do some reading but I’d just finished my latest book and hadn’t picked out another to start yet. I sat at my tiny dining table with a newspaper and it suddenly hit me just how dependent I had become on Mickey and Ian and their family to fill my time. 

_Good work, Orin_. I huffed in my mind. Somehow I’d gone from being a self-sufficient (yeah, call it slightly reclusive if we’re being honest) man of late middle age to this...

Fuck. 

I ended up visiting my mom in the early evening so I could be with her when she was winding down for the night. I heard voices as I walked the hallway toward her room and peered in curiously. 

Yev was perched on her bed while my mom sat in her armchair beside him. They were playing an intense game of Go Fish and barely looked up. 

“Hey Orin.” Mickey’s voice appeared behind me. 

I turned to see him standing with two boxes of apple juice in his hands and a shy, nervous smile on his face. 

“I hope you don’t mind. We don’t normally visit without you here. But Yev wouldn’t shut up the whole time we were driving home. He missed her.” He rambled anxiously. 

I smiled warmly. “Mick, it’s fine. Of course it’s fine. Did he have a good time?”

Mickey smiled back. “The best. He made friends with this kid, Zac, who lives about an hour away so I guess we’re gonna be driving Yev around way more now so he can keep up with his social life.”

I laughed and nodded. “Suddenly the day arrives and your kid is more popular than you.”

“That day had come, my friend.” Mickey joked. 

“Well let me know if I can help out sometimes. I don’t mind driving him out to see his friend if you guys are working.”

Mickey looked at me hard for a second but then smiled. “Thanks man.”

I shrugged. “No problem.”

We went into the room and my mom lit up the room with a smile when she saw me. 

“Sweetie! Jack came to see me!” She announced and then began to dig around in her handbag. 

Yev glanced up at me and frowned. “Does it confuse her more than I call her Grandma?”

I reached out and stroked his soft hair. “No, buddy. Her memory doesn’t work very well for things that are happening now. Or very recently. But she can remember things real well that happened a long time ago. Like, when Jack was a little boy. It’s nothing you can fix.” I smiled softly. 

He nodded his understanding and my mom cried out loudly that she’d found it. What ‘it’ was, I wasn’t quite sure. 

“Look what Jack brought me! He’s been away at summer camp, you know.”

I took the small packet out of her hands and laughed happily when I saw it was a pack of playing cards with the camp insignia printed on the back. 

“That’s awesome, Mom.”

I caught Yev’s eye and winked, he smiled proudly back at me. I settled into a chair next to Mickey and we sat back to let them finish their game. 

“You’ve got a great kid, Mick.” I sniffed. 

Mickey’s head turned to look at me. “You okay?”

I nodded. “My mom was the happiest I’ve ever seen her when my kids were small. They idolized her and she doted on them. He’s giving her a chance to live that over again.”

Mickey sucked in a breath. “That’s nice.”

“It is. For her. For me. It’s the best. But this isn’t gonna end well and Yev will be hurt.”

Mickey nudged my knee with his. “Look Orin, I know what you’re saying. And when the time comes it’s gonna be fuckin shit. But kids are resilient. That’s a word Ian keeps using. Yev is sensitive but he’s resilient.”

“Yeah.” I agreed quietly. 

“And most kids have to go through losing their grandparents. It’s the circle of life. Yev’s lucky he’s only gotta go through it once.”

I scoffed a little laugh and nodded. “I suppose so.”

“You had dinner?”

I shook my head. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. 

“Ian is at home making Yev’s favorite for his great homecoming. Come by and eat with us.”

“Yeah?”

Mickey grinned. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Great. Cool. Thanks.” 

“No problem.” Mickey said breezily. “Hope you like chicken nuggets.”

When we got back to Mickey’s place I held back and let Yev reunite with Ian. It was clear as day how much they’d missed each other. After lots of hugs and kisses, Yev dragged his backpack into his room. 

“Hey Orin.” Ian greeted me, unashamed of his tear stained eyes. 

I barely had time to respond when there was a knock at the door followed by Yev high-tailing it out of his room. 

“Mama!” He shrieked and threw open the door. 

I gazed on at the boy’s reunion with his mother. It was quite beautiful. 

“Come, tell me all about it.” Lana closed the door behind her and led Yev back into the apartment. 

She pecked my cheek smoothly as she passed, doing the same to Mickey and then Ian. It was so casual and felt so normal. I didn’t really feel like a guest anymore. The family just went about their business with me just fitting in around that. We all crowded around the small dining table, with Yev perching on Ian’s lap as the table only had three chairs, and used our hands to pick at the food Ian had made. Chicken nuggets, fries, nachos, salad and corn cobs. It was quite the exotic buffet, but it was all of Yev’s favorite foods so the adults indulged him. The youngster chatted at a mile a minute. We heard all about his adventures. Camp fires. Singing. Climbing trees. Swimming in the lake. Learning how to sail a boat. It was all exciting stuff for an almost-seven year old and his enthusiasm was infectious. 

“And so Zac’s daddy is a...count ant. He adds up numbers for people.” Yev rambled. 

Mickey shared a confused look with Ian, who mouthed back “accountant” and Mickey fought back a laugh. 

“And his papa cuts down trees and does gardens for a job.”

It took a moment but Mickey finally heard the words and processed them. It was funny to see it dawn on him. 

“Zac has got two dads?” He murmured. 

Yev nodded. “Just like me!”

I wanted to crawl under the table and hide. From the stunned look on Ian’s face it was clear this was the first time the subject of a parental label had come up. Yev was unconcerned by the sudden silence and took the opportunity to swipe the last chicken nugget from Mickey’s plate. I glanced at Lana from the corner of my eye and tried to get a read on her reaction. She reached over to Yev and smacked the back of his hand lightly. 

“Do not take food from other people’s plates.” She admonished. 

Yev scowled. “Dad takes pinches my food all the time.”

“He pays for the food you eat. When you pay, then you can take it.” Lana argued her point. 

“Sorry mama.” Yev sighed. He looked over at Mickey. “Want it back?”

Mickey smiled at the half eaten nugget and shook his head. “I’m good.”

Ian was still silent. The passing of time and conversation did not to help him recover. 

“You okay?” Mickey nudged his boyfriend. 

Ian closed his gaping mouth and nodded. Lana started to chuckle and shook her head. 

“You did not already know he thought this?”

“I guess I haven’t really thought about it.” Ian replied. 

Yev looked up at Ian in horror. “You don’t know you’re my dad?”

There was a very heavy pause as Ian tried to formulate a reply to the child. One that didn’t potentially upset anyone. 

“Of course he knows he’s your dad. He’s been here your whole life. Just because it was me and your mom that made you doesn’t mean Ian isn’t your dad. He knows that.” Mickey cut in to fill the silence. 

Yev nodded firmly. “Good.”

Lana slipped her hand into Ian’s and squeezed it. I was frozen like a statue as I watched this scene unfold. 

“Is it because I don’t call you papa?” Yev looked anxious, resting his head on Ian’s chest and gazing up at him. 

Ian’s green eyes darted around before settling back on Yev. “I don’t mind what you call me. It doesn’t make a difference to how much I love you.”

Yev grinned, his eyes sparkling but drooping with tiredness. “Can I try it?”

“What?” Ian asked, stroked his fingertip down Yev’s nose. 

“Calling you Papa.”

Ian immediately looked at Mickey, in a silent panic. I held my breath. Mickey just nodded once. Ian’s eyes went to Lana, who was grinning around a carrot stick. I let out my breath and relaxed. It was going to be fine. 

“Sure.” Ian told Yev and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

Yev yawned. “Okay.”

“He is tired. He sleeps here tonight?” Lana asked Mickey. 

“Fine with me.” He replied instantly. 

It occurred to me that I hadn’t spoken a word for quite some time. I really was just part of the fixtures and fittings now. It amused me that I got a thrill out of being that way. 

An hour later we were done with dinner and Yev was still resting in Ian’s arms. Lana kissed everyone goodbye and left for home. I thought it was time to head off too but somehow got roped into watching The Lion King with Yev. Except he fell asleep before the end of the first beat of the tribal drums in the opening credits. 

“Thanks for coming tonight, Orin.” Mickey whispered. 

I smiled happily. “It’s been good.”

Three grown men watched the whole movie while the six year old slept on. 

What a day. 


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian seeks guidance from Orin when Mickey starts acting weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! 🧡

Ian sat in the chair on the other side of my desk with a pained expression on his face. He was fifteen minutes early and Mickey wasn’t here yet. I got the feeling he planned it this way. 

“Mickey’s being weird.” He blurted out before I could even get a word out. 

“More than usual?” I teased. 

“Way more.” Ian nodded, allowing himself a tiny smile. 

I sat back and waited for more. Technically, I wasn’t Ian’s therapist. I was only meant to work with him on a joint basis with Mickey. But those technicalities went flying out of the window when Ian became my friend. 

“He just seems so...jittery. All the time. He’s usually the steady one.” Ian sighed. 

“Does he have anything troubling him?” I asked, knowing very well why Mickey was jittery. He was building up to a proposal he wasn’t sure he was going to get a yes to. 

Ian shrugged widely. “No. Not that he’s told me. And you know what he’s like. This time around we’re all about honesty. I don’t think he’d keep anything from me.”

“Have you asked him?”

“Yeah.” Ian replied. “Just says he’s fine.”

I tapped my steepled fingers against my lips. “Do you want me to bring it up today?”

“I dunno. I hoped you might know what could be up with him.”

I frowned. “You know I can’t talk about the things I discuss with Mickey in his sessions. Not unless he brings it up first.”

“I know.” Ian deflated, looking sad. “I just worry about him. He makes out like he’s this simple guy but he’s as deep as the ocean.”

I smiled softly. “As far as I know, he’s fine.”

Ian smiled back at me. “Thanks.”

Mickey arrived on time and pecked Ian on the lips as he dropped into his chair. 

“Hey Orin. How’s it going?”

“Good, Mickey, thanks.” I replied with a smile. “So...what’s been going on this week?”

I hoped my broad question would garner some reassurance for Ian. 

Mickey scoffed. “I had to ditch work to take a secondary piss test cuz my incompetent fuckin PO fucked up the first one.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yeah. Woulda lost me a day’s pay if Kev hadn’t let me pick up another shift. But that meant I didn’t get to pick Yev up from school...” Mickey ranted but Ian leaned over to take his hand. 

“It’s okay. I was there to pick him up.” He murmured. 

Mickey’s expression darkened. “You’d just come off a twelve hour shift at the hospital. You needed to sleep. You know your meds don’t work right if you’re not getting enough sleep.”

And there it was. Back to Ian and his bipolar condition. It seemed to be all Mickey could think about, even if it was reached in different routes. Ian sighed heavily and I could see the pain in his eyes. 

“He’s my kid too, Mick. I need to be able to take care of him. And if it means I have to lose an hour of sleep then that’s okay. It’s down to me to manage that risk.” 

Mickey lowered his eyes. “I know...”

“Do you? Because all I seem to hear is how my condition is affecting everything, even when I’m completely stable. I know it’s not always gonna be like this. I’m not stupid. But you need to trust that I’m gonna do the right thing if that changes...” Ian trailed off and sat back in defeat. 

“I do trust you!” Mickey snapped. “But I’d feel like shit if it changed because of something I coulda fixed.”

“That’s not how it works!” Ian raised his voice. 

“So how does it work? How? How am I supposed to know what to do when it happens again because the last time I tried everything and it wasn’t enough!”

The dust of Mickey’s words settled in the room. It was a harsh statement but one that I knew was bubbling under the surface. It seemed to knock the wind out of Ian, who gasped for a breath. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” Mickey hastily blurted. 

Ian smiled weakly. “Yeah. You did. It’s okay. I get it.”

Mickey shook his head. “No. You don’t.”

“It’s okay, Mick. I know I got a lot to make up to you. I’m just glad you’re letting me try.”

Ian’s words only seemed flare something in Mickey and his blue eyes flashed with rage. I didn’t know if I needed to step in here. Expressing your inner feelings was a good thing, but not if it started to unravel the hard work we’d already put in. 

“I can’t live with this version of you!” Mickey yelled. 

“What?” Ian gasped, reeling back. 

“This! You’re acting so...pathetic! Like I can treat you as bad as I want and you’re just gonna roll over and accept it cuz you think you owe me! I hate it!” Mickey ranted. 

“I don’t understand...what did I do?” Ian looked so hurt, I thought he was going to cry. 

“You have to show me some spine, Ian. Like you do with Fiona and Lip when they try to tell you how to live your life. You just take everything I say and nod like a fuckin puppy and tell me you’re gonna make it up to me. How is that right? That’s not the Gallagher I fell for!” Mickey was on a roll now. 

I coughed gently. “Mickey, take a breath.”

He jerked in the chair and it was like he’d just realized where he was. Ian was pale and shaky. I got up and went to the coffee machine, letting them catch a breath while I made three mochas. When I set them down on the desk, Mickey seemed to have recovered. He turned to Ian and met his teary gaze. 

“You don’t owe me shit. I told you that I forgive you. Maybe I didn’t mean it when I first said it but now I do. I know you’re committed to this. Us. Our family. You don’t need to make it up to me for any of that shit.” He murmured. 

Ian nodded. “Okay.”

“But I need to know what to do when the bad days come around. I can’t ignore it like I did before, hoping it would get better. I still get nervous when you wanna fuck more than twice a day. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m always up for it. But it makes me nervous when it’s you asking for it. I don’t want it to be that way.” Mickey smiled sadly. 

“Neither do I. And in my defense, if hypersexuality was the only symptom of bipolar then you’d be way more sick than I’ve ever been!”

Mickey burst into laughter and a blush spread across his cheeks. I felt the air lighten as the tension seeped away. 

“I will always feel like I owe you, Mick. That’s just how it is. I don’t ever want to take you for granted when I’ve got this chance again.”

“You need to draw a line under it. Move on.” Mickey argued. 

I arched my brow and cleared my throat. “I think you both need to heed that advice.”

“He’s right, Mick. You need to trust that I’m gonna be honest when I don’t feel right and I need to trust that you’re gonna be there for me when it happens.” Ian mumbled shyly. 

Mickey grabbed for Ian’s hand and squeezed it hard. “Just tell me what I need to do. Is it tough love? Do I need to fight you? Or is the nice guy approach best? I just don’t know.”

Ian smiled tightly with his eyes sparkling. “There’s no one-size-fits-all. I wish there was. We’ll just have to figure it out as we go. If that’s okay with you.”

Mickey nodded with a smile. “Of course.”

“Good. And missing an hour of sleep to take care of Yev is my pleasure. When that changes I’ll let you know.” Ian added. 

Mickey swiped at his right eye before I even knew a tear had fallen. 

“So...” I steered them back to solid ground. “Anything else happened this week?”

“Nah.” Mickey replied. “Not much.”

It was 9 on Friday and I was waiting for our next session to start. Neither man had appeared yet and I kept up a steady routine of glancing between my phone and my clock. Just as I picked up my phone to call Mickey, it burst to life in my hand. 

“Everything okay, Mick?” I greeted. 

“Um...hey Orin...I need you to come down here.” Mickey’s shaky voice had me on high alert. 

“Where are you? What’s going on?” I sat upright. 

“I’m at the courthouse.” Mickey said softly. 

Fear speared me in the heart and I nearly dropped my phone. 

“What the fuck have you done?” I snapped in panic. 

“Can you just come down?”

“Mickey...”

“Please?” He begged. 

“Fine.” I sighed heavily, knowing I wouldn’t get the story over the phone. “I hope you don’t need bail money cuz I am broke as fuck.”

Mickey chuckled. “I wouldn’t get bail. I’d be straight back in the can.”

I realized the truth in his words and felt better about that. “I’m on my way.”

“Great. Thanks.” Mickey exhaled. “Oh, and Orin?”

“Yeah?”

“Bring some ID.”

The line went dead before I could quiz him any further. 

The courthouse was only six blocks from my office so it was easier to walk than get a cab. I picked up the pace and reached it in my personal best time. Mickey was in the lobby with Yev sitting on a plastic chair beside him, reading a comic. 

“Hi Orin!” Yev leapt to his feet and ran at me. 

I scooped him up. “Hey! What’s that you’re reading?”

“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!” He beamed. 

“Oh cool. Jack used to love them when he was a kid.” I tickled his neck. 

“Who was his favorite?” Yev asked me. 

“The red one.” I recalled with a smile. 

“Raphael!” He announced happily. “My favorite is Michelangelo. He’s the orange one. He’s so funny!”

“Awesome.”

“And he gets called Mikey, which sounds like Mickey. So that’s cool too. Just like my dad.”

I chuckled and set him down on his feet. “That’s really cool.”

Mickey was pacing around nervously so I stepped away from Yev and touched his arm. 

“What’s going on, Mick?” I asked gently. 

“I just needed you here.”

“Why?”

He didn’t get a chance to respond when Ian came into the lobby with a confused look on his face. 

“I got your message...what’s going on?”

Mickey bit his lip. Before he could speak Yev leapt back up from his seat. 

“Papa! How was work?”

Ian switched to parent-mode and crouched to greet Yev with a hug. “Long! But I enjoyed it. Now I’m off until after your birthday.”

Yev clapped excitedly and it suddenly hit me that the following day was Yev’s seventh birthday. In the hurry to get to the courthouse after Mickey’s call I forgot all about the card and gift in my desk drawer. 

“Orin,” Yev looked up at me. “Don’t forget my birthday party on Sunday.”

I grinned down at him. “Wouldn’t miss it. You okay reading your comic while I catch up with your dads for a minute?”

Yev nodded. “Of course.”

With him settled, I led Ian and Mickey to the other side of the lobby. 

“Mickey, why are we here?” I pressed. 

Mickey ignored me and looked anxiously at Ian. “I had to do this here before I lost my nerve...”

It dawned on me immediately what Mickey was about to do. It was still a mystery to Ian, however, and I stepped back at his confused look. 

“I’ll give you a minute.” I murmured, stepping back again. I could still hear everything. The lobby wasn’t that big. 

“Mick?” Ian frowned. 

Mickey sucked in a breath. “Okay. Let me get through this.”

Ian waited patiently. 

“I love you. And these past few weeks, months even, I feel like everything is fitting into place. I see things more clearly now. That’s Orin’s fault. I was scared therapy would make me freak out. But it’s saved me. You. And Orin. And Yev. Lana. Kev. All of you. You’ve all saved me.”

Ian reached for Mickey’s hand and interlaced their fingers. 

“But there’s only one person on that list that I wanna be married to. So that’s why we’re here. If you’ll have me. I got us an appointment at nine thirty to get our licence. Then we can join the line and get married. Here and now. Today. Because that’s what I want more than anything, Ian. I want you forever. So will you? Will you marry me?”

Ian swayed on the spot, his jaw swinging open in shock. “What...? Are you serious?”

“A million percent. We needed a witness so I got Orin to come down. And Yev needed to be here too. Obviously.” Mickey added. 

My heart clenched in my chest when I saw the fear of rejection flitting over Mickey’s face. 

“Obviously.” Ian grinned. 

I knew then it was going to be okay. He wanted it as much as Mickey did. 

“Will you marry me, Ian?”

The redhead beamed even brighter. 

“You’re already my ghetto husband. Let’s do this and make it real.”

Mickey looked stunned that it was a yes. He stared at Ian like he was growing horns. 

“But my family are gonna kill me for doing this without them so I hope you’re ready for a huge Gallagher party to make up for it.”

Mickey nodded wildly. “Sure.”

Ian glanced at the huge clock on the wall. “It’s time. Let’s go.” 

“Fuck. This is really happening.” Mickey exhaled. 

I burst into soft laughter and the two men finally remembered I was there. 

“You’re really gonna do this?” I checked. 

Ian nodded and pulled Mickey closer so he was pressed into his side. “He can’t take it back now.”

“Thank fuck.” I chuckled. “Go do the paperwork. I’ll wait with Yev.”

I made a quick call to my office to get my afternoon appointments rescheduled. We waited in a line for the judge and it was almost noon when the Milkovich-Gallagher party were called. 

“Okay Yev. We’re gonna watch your dads get married. Ready?” I asked him. 

His eyes danced with excitement. “I’m ready.”

It didn’t take long. It wasn’t one for the history books. Yev and I watched on with pride when Mickey and Ian exchanged vows to remain faithful and share the good times and the bad. My eyes misted over when the judge ruled they were married and Mickey grabbed Ian in a kiss. Yev clapped enthusiastically and I joined in, my throat tight with emotion. I’d woken up that morning expecting to eat ice cream for breakfast and chat to the guys about dumb shit so I didn’t ruin their weekend. Now I was here. Watching them swear to each other that they were bound for life. It made me think of my own wedding day, a full 34 years earlier. I’d felt so much love, joy and pride that day. I hoped they felt even a fraction of that. It didn’t even really matter that my marriage didn’t go the distance. We had a very mutual and amicable separation. That really helped me stay on the romantic side of the door for Mickey and Ian. 

The Alibi was quiet when I wandered in with Yev at my side. Ian and Mickey were behind me, giggling like kids at the new bands on their fingers. Mickey had bought two identical wedding rings that were basic and just right. Ian couldn’t stop looking at his and it made me laugh when I caught the sparkle in his eyes. 

“Orin...did that really happen?” Ian whispered when Mickey disappeared to the restroom with Yev. 

I nodded and clapped him on the back. “Yeah. It really did.”

“That’s why he’s been acting weird?”

I grinned. “Planning a proposal is kinda nerve-wracking.”

“Yeah.” Ian breathed. 

“First round on me. Congratulations.” I waved at Vee and she came over. 

“Congratulations?” She repeated. 

Ian giggled and held up his hand, showing off his silver band. “I got married today.”

Her jaw swung open. “Shut the church door!”

Mickey appeared beside me at the bar and Vee reached out to grab his left hand, squealing when she saw the matching item. 

“Aunt Vee! Why are you yelling?” Yev gasped from behind Mickey’s legs. 

“I’m excited!” She beamed happily. “They finally put a ring on it!”

Ian leaned closer to Mickey. “I just know there’s a cock ring joke in there somewhere if we just look hard enough.”

I coughed and rolled my eyes. “Nice. Real nice.”

Yev clambered up onto the chair. “I want my party to be a wedding party too. We can share it.”

Mickey shook his head. “Nope. That’s your party. Your special day.”

Yev glared at his father. “And I want to make it even more special!”

Ian chuckled. “It’s always cool to watch a Milkovich fight in action.”

Vee grinned at the guys. “Who’s taking who’s name?”

I stepped back as Ian and Mickey shared a look. 

“Haven’t really thought about it.” Ian shrugged. 

“I’m keeping my own name.” Mickey said firmly. 

“Really?” Vee screwed up her face. 

Mickey laughed. “Hey. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want the Terry tag any more than the next guy. But I want the same name as my son. So that’s that. I’m stuck with it.”

Ian shrugged. “I don’t mind changing my name to be the same as you guys.”

Yev looked up at me and frowned. “Why does anyone have to change their name?”

“Well...usually when a couple gets married one of them changes their name so they have the same one.” I explained. 

“Ohhhh.” Yev exhaled slowly. “I don’t get it.”

I giggled and ruffled his hair. “Nobody does. Not really.”

Vee placed our beers on the counter and popped a straw in a juice box for Yev. “You could always hyphenate?”

“Oh I like that idea!” Ian grinned. “Imagine how tiny the writing will be on your license after you tell the DMV your new name is Mikhailo Aleksandr Gallagher-Milkovich.”

I laughed heartily and took a drink from my glass. “I’d pay to be there when you do that.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “I am not doing that. No way.”

“What about merging your names?” I suggested with a smirk. 

“Milkagher!” Ian shrieked with laughter. 

“Gallavich!” Vee joined in. 

Mickey glared at us while we all broke apart with laughter. “You all suck.”

Ian pulled him into a gentle kiss. “We know.”

I sat on the stool beside Yev and sipped on my beer. Ian pulled out another for Mickey to sit on and stroked a hand down his husband’s back. 

“I’m serious.” Ian murmured quietly. “I’ll change my name.”

“You want that?” Mickey raised his brows and I could see him fighting hard against getting his hopes up. 

“I want us to all be the same.” Ian nodded. “And I’d get a crazy kick outta Terry finding out I married his son and took his name.”

Mickey smirked wickedly. “Good enough for me.”

“We’ll file the paperwork next week.” Ian kissed him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Mickey whispered back. 

The magical moment was ruined by Yev loudly reaching the bottom of his juice box and slurping the air out of the straw. I didn’t think I could love this kid more if I tried. 


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yev celebrates his birthday and Ian has a visitor.

I stopped by Mickey and Ian’s place on Saturday morning to give Yev his birthday gift. This time I asked Sarah for some assistance and she really came through for me. Who else would know more about gifts for a seven year old than a kindergarten teacher? I ended up with a Ninja Turtles night light and matching reading torch, with some comic books to go with them. Yev squealed with delight when he ripped off the wrapping paper. 

“Wow. Orin, they are so cool!” He gasped and clutched them to his chest. “Thank you so much!”

Mickey smiled at me with shiny eyes. “You didn’t have to...”

I cut him off with a roll of my eyes. “Mickey. We’ve talked about this. Birthdays mean gifts.”

He chuckled. “I know. But I don’t have a clue when your birthday is. I coulda missed it for all I know.”

“February 10th. Not for a long time.” I winked. 

“How old will you be?” Yev piped up and I saw Mickey wince at his question. 

“I stopped keeping count after the first few centuries.” 

Yev giggled and threw his head back. “You’re funny, Orin.”

“Thank you. I’ll be 56.”

Mickey did a double take. “No way! You don’t look...”

“Old?” I grinned when he trailed off and blushed. 

“Not 56 anyway.” He amended, contrite. 

“Thank you. Pleased I still got my youthful good looks.” I smirked. 

I was full of shit. My hair was more salt and less pepper these days and, I swear, the steps to my apartment get steeper with each passing minute. 

Ian appeared from the kitchen with a cup of steaming hot coffee for me. He knew exactly how I liked it. 

“Thanks Ian. How’s life as a newlywed treating you?” 

Ian’s eyes glittered and his eyes flicked to Mickey. “Best feeling ever.”

There was a knock at the apartment door and Ian went to answer it. Before he’d even seen who was there, a loud and pissed off voice filled the air. 

“You got _MARRIED_?”

I held my breath and glanced at Mickey, who was wincing and looking to the ceiling. 

“Here we go.” He exhaled. “Gallaghers assemble.”

“Fiona! What are you doing here?” Ian gasped excitedly. “Come on in!”

I shrunk away and joined Yev at the small table, leaving the guys to deal with whoever Fiona was and whatever issues she had. A young woman appeared in the doorway, took in the scene in front of her before reeling back on Ian and smacking his bicep with the back of her hand. 

“Married! You got married!” She spluttered. 

Ian grinned happily. “I did. Isn’t that so cool?”

I couldn’t help but think Ian was deliberately ignoring this person’s obvious annoyance. 

“Hello Fiona.” Mickey greeted neutrally. 

Her dark eyes glared at him. “Mickey.”

I exhaled slowly when I realized I had been holding my breath. It was loud in the tense room. 

“Who are you?”

My eyes flickered over the woman I only knew as Fiona. “Orin Campbell. Friend of the family.”

Ian smiled broadly. “Orin, this is my big sister Fiona.”

“Pleasure.” I smiled tightly, not sure I even meant that yet. 

She stared at me for a moment before she turned back to Ian. “Why? Why go behind our backs and do it without anyone knowing?”

“I didn’t go behind anyone’s back! You’re being ridiculous. It was impulsive and romantic, not a shameful secret!” Ian snapped. 

Yev frowned at the situation. It was clear he was struggling to understand why anyone wouldn’t think this was the best news ever. “It was awesome.”

Fiona narrowed her eyes. “He was there?”

Mickey opened his mouth to speak but Ian cut him off with a sharp snap. 

“ _He_ has a name. His name is Yev. And yes he was there, he’s our son. Don’t come in my home, giving my family attitude for something you weren’t even in the same state to witness anyway. Today is Yev’s birthday and we’re just about to have a nice breakfast. I’ll come find you later.”

Fiona widened her eyes in shock. I got the impression she wasn’t used to Ian’s take-no-shit attitude. 

“Happy birthday, Yev.” She mumbled. 

“Thank you.” Yev’s politeness made me smile. 

“Ian...” Fiona started again but the stubborn redhead wasn’t giving her an inch. 

“Fi. It’s great to see you. Really. And you look great. But today is special for us. It’s our first full day as a married couple and it’s our son’s birthday. I need to be with them today. Come by the Alibi tomorrow, Yev is having a party in the afternoon.” 

I watched her process his request. It clearly stung but she nodded. “Sure.”

“Thanks.” Ian smiled. “You really do look good.”

She smiled back. “Thank you. So do you.”

I felt her eyes flick to me and back to Ian for an explanation. He just smiled serenely. 

“I’ll fill you in on everything tomorrow.” He promised. 

“Okay,” Fiona agreed. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

With that, she swept out and the door clicked shut loudly in the silent room. 

“She seems nice.” I broke the tense silence and Mickey burst into a fit of laughter. 

“She is nice.” Ian chuckled. “She’s just intense. And thinks she’s my mother.”

“To be fair, she’s been like a mother to you.” Mickey chipped in. 

“I know.” Ian smiled dreamily and shrugged. “But I’m a grown man now. I don’t need her permission to do anything.”

“You need permission to make breakfast or we all just gonna starve to death?” Mickey challenged, biting back a smile. 

Ian giggled and I reached for my cup to finish my drink. “I should let you guys get on with your day...”

“No!” Yev wailed. “Stay for pancakes! Papa makes the best pancakes.”

“Ouch.” Mickey drawled teasingly. 

“I should really...”

Mickey met my gaze. “Stay. Please.”

I smiled warmly. “Okay. Thanks.”

I’d almost forgotten about Fiona Gallagher until I was pushing my mom along the sidewalk in her wheelchair towards the Alibi and found her standing outside with a cigarette and a look on her face that would rival even Mickey’s anxiety levels. I slowed to a stop and smiled gently. 

“Hey. It’s Fiona, right? Orin. We met yesterday.”

Her eyes flickered with recognition and she nodded. “At Ian’s place.”

I nodded along. “Yeah. Are you coming inside?”

Fiona bit her lip. “Don’t really think anyone wants me here.”

I smiled softly. “That’s just not true. Ian is looking forward to catching up.”

She squinted. “Who are you? To them, I mean.”

“A friend. Come on, let’s go in and get a drink.”

I let her hold the door open so I could push my mom in and we were met by Yev’s ecstatic cries as he dashed across the room. 

“Grandma!” He carefully arranged himself in her arms for a big hug. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too, darling boy. It feels like a lifetime since we played a game of chess!”

My mom was having a blissfully lucid day. I was so relieved the stars had aligned for Yev on his special day. 

“Mama is going to bring me over to see you tomorrow. We can play while she does your hair.” Yev told her and pecked her cheek. 

“Yevgeny, you are a sweet child. You shouldn’t be wasting your precious free time spending it on me!” She chuckled. 

“Who else would I spend it on?” Yev argued gently. 

I winked at him and he smiled, only then noticing Fiona beside me. His smile slipped and apprehension replaced his contentment. 

“Hello.” He muttered, slightly petulantly. 

Fiona smiled weakly. “Hey. Is Ian around?”

“Papa is helping Daddy bring in the delivery. They’re probably making out in the alley.” Yev replied simply and I raised my eyes skyward at the haunting memory of being the width of one door away from one of their previous jaunts in the alley. 

“That’s best case scenario.” Vee spoke from nearby and I saw Fiona’s face light up like a Christmas tree. 

“Vee!” She yelped. 

Vee teared up and threw her arms around Fiona. I remembered Ian telling me that they were best friends.

“I miss you.” Fiona whispered. 

“Pftt. Don’t give me that Miss Fort Lauderdale. You got way too much fun going on down at the beach to be missing me.” Vee joked with a thickness to her voice I knew was buried emotion. 

Fiona wiped her damp eyes. “There’s no place like home.”

“Oh? So you’re staying?” Vee teased and Fiona snorted. 

“Fuck no. Best thing I ever did was get on that plane.”

“Damn right. You look good.”

I wasn’t one of those guys that really focused on a woman’s looks. But Fiona looked...average. Made me wonder how bad she looked before she got on that plane. 

“Grandma, do you want a drink?” Yev asked. 

“I would love a cup of coffee.” My mom sparkled with a smile. 

Vee ruffled Yev’s hair. “On it. Go get your chess game set up.”

“Thanks Aunt Vee.”

Yev was able to push my mom to her usual booth and left me at the bar with Fiona. She cast her assessing gaze over me once again. 

“Who are you?” She murmured again. “You’re at their house. Mickey’s kid calls your mom grandma. You know everyone. Who are you?”

I chuckled. “I told you. I’m a friend. I know people because I’ve been around.”

“Hello Fiona.”

Mickey’s voice was trying to be neutral but had a hard edge. 

“Mickey.” She smiled. “Ian around?”

“Restroom.”

I rolled my eyes again. They’d totally banged in the alley again. 

“How’s he doing?” Fiona asked and I heard the anxiety in her voice. 

Mickey nodded. “He’s good. Really. He’s got a job at the hospital. He’s taking his meds. He’s keepin up with his PO and his shrink. He’s good.”

“Why didn’t he tell us he was getting married?” Fiona whined. 

“Because he didn’t know.” Mickey admitted. “It was a surprise. I got him to meet me at the courthouse. Orin came along to be a witness. It was only us and Yev. I asked him in the lobby and a couple hours later we were married.”

“Seriously?” Fiona gasped. 

I glanced sideways at Mickey. He just smiled. “Seriously. I wanted to do it as soon as he got out. Orin helped me see that we had some stuff to figure out first.”

“And did you? Figure it out...”

Mickey grinned and shrugged. “Enough to know that whatever comes at us, we can handle it.”

Fiona deflated on the spot. Her bluster floated away. 

“You love him?” She whispered, filling up with tears. 

“Yes.”

“Still? After everything?” She frowned. 

Mickey smiled softly. “Always.”

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Good.”

I thought it was over but she turned her eyes on me. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re his shrink?”

I held up my hands and chuckled. “Not my information to divulge.”

“Well...I’m glad. They needed it.” Fiona grinned wryly. 

Mickey scoffed. “Whatever. What you having to drink? You need a few shots in you before the party games start.”

“Just a coffee for me too. You can bring it over while Orin introduces me to his mom.”

Mickey saluted and headed behind the bar. 

I smiled at her bossiness and leaned against the bar. “She’s got a form of dementia. Sometimes she doesn’t know who we are. She gets confused with Yev sometimes and thinks he’s my son Jack. I’m glad she’s having a good day. The kid deserves to be recognized on his birthday.”

Fiona nodded once. “That must be tough. My old man doesn’t remember much about us. But that’s years of alcohol abuse.”

“Frank?”

“You met him?”

I snorted. “Sort of. And I get what you mean.”

“He’s a real piece of work. Our mom wasn’t much better.” Fiona muttered. 

“Yeah. Well, from what Ian’s told me about his childhood, you were enough of a parent to cover their shit.” I replied and smiled when Fiona blushed. 

“Fiona!” Ian was suddenly wrapping his sister up in a hug. Not for the first time, I _really_ hoped he’d washed his hands. 

“Just catching up with Orin.” She told him and Ian grinned at me. 

“He’s been a god send.”

I shook my head. “You’re doing fine on your own. I’m just there to keep the conversation going.”

Yev’s party was a blast. We sang Happy Birthday while he blew out seven candles on his Spiderman cake, Ian snapping photos the whole time. Mickey tied a piñata to the wooden beam over the bar and everyone took a turn to hit it. The candy explosion happened when Fiona used some Gallagher force in her swing and I laughed at the childish delight on her face. Yev hugged her happily and shared the candy out with everyone in the bar. The regulars of the Alibi even joined in with a game of musical chairs, with Mickey and Ian providing the entertainment when they ended up sharing a chair. Ian didn’t let Mickey up and instead they made out until the game was over. I had a great time and by seven in the evening my mom was ready for bed. Yev had already left with Lana so I looked around to say goodbye to Mickey and Ian, unable to spot them. Looking back, I should’ve put the pieces together but my pressing need to pee overruled the logical part of my brain. I left my mom with Debbie for a minute while I popped into the restroom. As I was just about to go about my business I heard rustling coming from the stall. Finally, my brain cells clicked into action and I realized why I couldn’t find Mickey or Ian. 

“Ungh. Harder.”

I would recognize Mickey’s voice anywhere. 

I zipped my fly back up, knowing there was no way I could pee with an amateur porn show going on behind me. With a heavy sigh I headed to the door. 

“Ssh!” Ian’s hiss was loud. “Someone’s in here.”

I chuckled harshly. “Don’t mind me guys. You just get yours.”

“Sorry Orin.” They chorused and I laughed loudly as I slammed the door behind me. 

At least someone was getting some. 

Mickey had the decency to look slightly contrite when he came into my office for our session the morning after Yev’s party. 

“Well look who it is.” I teased. “South Side’s very own public cruiser.”

I grinned gleefully when he blushed. 

“It was an accident...”

“Oh? You tripped and fell on Ian’s...”

“Okay!” He cut me off. “But it was Ian’s fault.”

“Alright. But just so you know, it’s perfectly normal to be all over each other when you’re just married. Takes a good few years to wear off.” I joked. 

“Right.”

“So, other than a rambunctious sex life, how is life?” I asked him. 

“Good. Ian filled out the forms to change his name. That should come through soon.”

“How do you feel about him doing that?”

Mickey sighed and shrugged. “Don’t really understand why anyone would wanna make themselves a Milkovich. I spent so many years wishing I wasn’t one. Don’t make sense to me that he’s choosing it.”

I nodded. “You could’ve changed your name. And Yev’s too.”

Mickey shook his head. “That’s his name. His identity. I can’t mess with that. Not when he knows who he is. Maybe if he was still a baby or whatever. One day he might wanna change it. Until then, he gets to stay as he is.”

“I get that.”

“I like that we’re all gonna be the same. That’s what family means, right?”

I smiled softly. “You’re a traditionalist at heart.”

Mickey’s blush was endearing. “Maybe. I grew up thinking that cuz I was gay I wouldn’t be able to do the things I wanted to do. Get married. Have a family. It’s kinda nice to say a big fuck you to that part of my life.”

“Good.” I chuckled. “Life has a funny way of working out in the end.”

“I did shit backwards but I got what I wanted in the end.” He sighed. 

“And everyone seems okay with Ian’s decision to say yes.” I noted. 

Mickey’s eyes rolled in his head. “Fiona is a pain in the ass. I just gotta remember that she means well. And she’s been through her own shit.”

“She’s a strong character.” I observed blandly. 

“We’ve clashed over the years. But I think she finally likes me.” Mickey laughed. 

“Is that what you aspire to? Being accepted by them?” I challenged. 

Mickey scoffed. “I only give a fuck what Ian thinks. Period.”

“But their opinions have a lot of value to Ian...”

“Always have. They’re a pack. They relied on each other growing up.”

“That’s as sweet as it is depressing.” I remarked dryly. 

“Yeah.” Mickey laughed darkly. “It sure is.”

“Tell me about your siblings.” 

His face froze. “What?”

“Your siblings. Tell me a little about them.”

“Uh...”

“I already know about Mandy. What about the others? What are they like?” I forged ahead with my thread even though discomfort was flooding my body. 

“Fuckin retards, most of the time.” Mickey huffed. “Iggy is a couple years older than me. He’s dumb as rocks but he knows the street value of every prescription and recreational drug you could ever name.”

I laughed quietly. “Sounds useful.”

“For a drug dealer, it really is.”

“And the others?”

“Colin is a year older than Iggy. Joey is a year old than Colin. They’re...I dunno...”

“What happened when you came out?”

Mickey’s eyes flashed to mine and widened. “What do you mean?”

“How did they react?”

“Um. Well. They were surprised. Shocked. I hadn’t given them any reason to think it before. They didn’t know how to treat me.”

“How so?” I probed. 

Mickey smiled wistfully. “It’s not like we were the fuckin Brady Bunch or anything. But before they found out they would include me in their shit talking, you know? Then I told the whole of South Side that I sucked dick and suddenly they don’t wanna tell me about all the pussy they’ve fucked.”

I smiled back at him. “Were they worried about offending you?”

“No fuckin way. That never bothered them before!” Mickey laughed heartily. “I was just the first fag they’d met that they couldn’t give a beat down to!”

“And Iggy? Are you closer to him?” I asked. 

“I thought I was. We worked together on the drug runs for years. He ain’t book smart but he knows the streets. I knew he had my back like I had his.”

“And when he found out...?”

“He was cool. Ian pretty much moved in and Ig was nice to him. When Ian was getting worse, Ig would help me take care of him. When I was scared to sleep in case Ian hurt himself...Ig would watch over him so I could rest.” Mickey spoke slowly, his voice croaky. 

“And now?”

Mickey shrugged. “No idea where he is. Mandy said he got locked up for fraud but he’d be out by now. Hasn’t come by. Hasn’t tried to contact me.”

“Have you tried to find him?”

“I’ve asked around. Nobody’s seen or heard from him.”

“Do you miss him?” I asked. 

Mickey lowered his gaze. “I guess.”

“Sounds like he was there for you at the worst time.”

“Yeah. Kept asking me if it was worth it. If Ian was worth it. He saw how much it hurt me to see Ian like that. He used to joke that Ian must fuck like a pro for me to stick with him.”

I chuckled quietly and placed my notepad on the desk. “Certainly didn’t sound like you were complaining yesterday...”

Mickey blushed again and it was kinda adorable. “Never had any complaints in that department.”

“Long may that continue.” I raised my coffee cup in salute. 

Mickey laughed and scratched the back of his neck. “I’m sorry you heard that.”

“Meh. I live vicariously through you guys. Pretty sure I’m almost classified as a virgin again these days.”

Mickey roared with laughter. “That’s hilarious. We’ve gotta get you laid, Orin.”

I shook my head. “No thanks. I’m happy without the complications of the female form.”

“Preach.” Mickey smirked and threw me a wink. 

“On that note, time's up.” 

“Cool. Thanks Orin.”

“Pleasure. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“You too.” He stood up. “Oh...forgot to say, Fiona is going home on Wednesday. She’s having a family dinner at the Gallagher house tomorrow. If you wanna come see the monkeys interact from the other side of the glass, you’re welcome to come along.”

I laughed raucously. “Wow.”

“Give it a day and see what excuse you can come up with.” He joked. “I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay Mick.”

“See ya Orin.”

Life was never dull with Mickey around. 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin discovers family comes in many shapes and sizes.

“You got me thinking.” Mickey said when he settled into his chair beside Ian on Friday. 

“That’s why I’m here.” I grinned. “What about?”

“My brothers. Well, Iggy. I’m working on tracking him down.” Mickey replied. 

I smiled warmly, catching Ian’s eye and feeling relieved that his expression was one of complete open support for his husband. 

“That’s good. Do you need any help?”

Mickey frowned at me. “How?”

“I’ve got contacts. I can ask around, see if he’s locked up or if he’s got a PO.” I offered. 

Mickey’s eyes widened. “You’d do that?”

“Of course.” I laughed. “It’s not much.”

“That would be amazing!”

“I’ll make some calls.”

“Thank you.” The sincerity in Mickey’s voice was clear. 

“Ian, we’ve talked about your family. But what are your thoughts on Mickey’s family?”

Ian smirked wryly. “Well there’s one that I would happily never speak about ever again.”

“Terry.”

“Yup. He’s a grade A psychopath.”

“I’m getting that impression.” I acknowledged. 

“I went to see him...before I went to prison.”

Mickey’s eyes darted to Ian and his mouth fell open. “You what?”

Ian rolled his eyes. “I was still manic. Adjusting to the idea I was going to prison. My new meds hadn’t kicked in. I was drifting.”

“Drifting to Terry? Man, just when I think bipolar couldn’t fuck you up any more...” Mickey huffed loudly. 

“What did you talk to Terry about?” I pressed on. 

“At the time...Jesus...I thought about skipping town and finding Mickey. I wanted to be with him. I was scared. I even dyed my hair black so I could go on the run. Anyway, I went to see Terry to find out what prison was like. I was trying to decide what to do.”

“And you picked _Terry_?” Mickey burst out incredulously. 

“I was manic!” Ian huffed again. “I don’t make my best decisions, as you know!”

Mickey glared at him and I covered my smile with my hand. 

“Did it help? Seeing him?” I probed. 

Ian shrugged. “Not really. I asked him about it and he said I should pack my shit and run. He said I’d enjoy the ass and mouth rapings but the boredom would kill me.”

Mickey snorted. “Jesus fuck.”

“It’s okay. He wasn’t the one being raped. He was doing the raping.” Ian drawled. “Apparently, Milkoviches don’t bottom.”

This time I scoffed loudly and Mickey shot me a glare. 

“He said that?” Mickey asked Ian. 

“I asked him if you were adopted.” Ian deadpanned. 

“No fuckin way!”

Mickey was looking at Ian with renewed admiration. It was actually quite sweet. 

“What about the rest of the family?” I asked Ian. 

“Mandy is my best friend. She was the first person outside of my family that I told about being gay. Well, and the guys I fooled around with.” Ian answered and Mickey rolled his eyes to the ceiling. I knew he hated it when he had to think about Ian’s unsavory past sexual antics. 

“She pretended to be my girlfriend to give me some cover. We got close.” Ian added. 

I smiled warmly. “That’s nice.”

“Yeah.” Ian agreed. “She still writes to me every month.”

“She does?” Mickey frowned. 

“Yes. Just because you’re antisocial doesn’t mean we all are. She fills me in on her life and I let her know her brother is still alive and kicking. It works quite well.” Ian muttered. 

I nodded. “And Iggy? I understand he lived in the same house when you guys were together the first time around.”

Ian sighed quietly. “Yeah. Iggy is...he’s a tough motherfucker. He’s not smart like Mickey. But he’s strong. He always made sure I was eating. And I know he watched over me when Mickey wasn’t around. Iggy grew a beard once because Mickey threw out all of the razors in the house. He never complained once.”

Mickey shifted uncomfortably. I smiled and nodded to the coffee machine. “Wanna get a drink?” 

The brunet rose to his feet and started to make some drinks. Ian tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. 

“Iggy is a good guy. I don’t think he likes me much but he’s a good guy.” 

“Why wouldn’t he like you?” I was surprised. 

Ian blushed. “Because I hurt Mickey.”

Mickey placed the cups down on the desk with shaky hands. “What the fuck? No...”

Ian smiled weakly and ran his hand down Mickey’s back when he sat down. “Yes. He was there. He saw what I did.”

A heavy silence filled the room and I took a sip of my coffee. 

“If you manage to track him down, what would you like to say to him?” I asked Ian. 

“Thank you. For not making Mickey do it alone. And I’m sorry.” Ian looked at the floor. 

“Okay.” I smiled. “That’s good.”

My mom was on great form when we made our usual Sunday trip to the Alibi that week. Yev was excited to be going back to school the following week and they chatted about what subjects he was good at and what he wanted to be when he grew up. I laughed when he decided on being an astronaut. 

“That’s a tough job, kiddo. You gonna be serious about school?” I asked him. 

Yev nodded solemnly. “Yes. I love school!”

“Good answer. You ever need any help, just let me know.” I told him. 

He grinned at me toothily. “Thank you.”

I ruffled his hair and he looked to my mom. 

“Grandma seems happy today.”

“She does.” I agreed, happily. 

Mickey cleared the table of empty glasses and wiped down the surface. He glanced at my mom and saw she had an empty glass in her hand. 

“Want me to refill that for you, Mrs C?”

She gazed up at him. “You really are a very handsome young man.”

Mickey’s ears turned pink. “Uh...thank you...”

She chuckled at his discomfort. “And you have a beautiful family. Look after them.”

Mickey nodded and caught my eye with a slight frown. “I will. Let me get you another drink.”

“No, thank you darling. It’s time I went to bed.” She replied. 

Yev heard and pouted. “Already?”

“One day, sweet boy, you will be old and you’ll understand how tiring it is just to raise a smile.” She smiled and stroked his cheek with her bony finger. 

Yev grinned and carefully climbed into her lap so he didn’t hurt her. I felt a lump in my throat form at their closeness. My mom stroked Yev’s dark blond curls and pressed her lips to his forehead. 

“I love you, Grandma.” 

“And I love you, sweet boy. I always will.”

When Yev gently extracted himself, my mom looked up at me with a happy smile. 

“Take me home, Orin darling. I’m very tired now.”

I nodded. “Whatever you want, Mom.”

I got the call at seven the following morning when I was getting ready to head to work for my appointment with Mickey at nine. In a way, it didn’t surprise me. Tears rolled silently down my face as the manager of the care home told me they’d gone in to wake my mom for breakfast and found she had passed away in her sleep. She told me how sorry she was, and how peaceful my mom looked. I knew then that my mom had known the end was close when we’d been in the Alibi the day before. The way she took time to speak with everyone. The way she held Yev and told him she loved him. She knew. I hung up the phone and finished brushing my teeth. I washed my face and stared at myself in the mirror. My head felt heavy but my heart felt light. As a man with a doctorate in psychiatry, I knew what I was feeling was completely normal. The relief that her suffering was over brought its own feelings of guilt. I stared and stared at my red eyes and my wet face until the image blurred. 

_You can do this, Orin._

I rang Sarah first. She cried quietly down the phone and told me she was sorry. I laughed gently and told her she didn’t have to worry about me. We cried together for a few moments and then Sarah said goodbye, so she could sort out flights back to Chicago. Next, I spoke to Jack. He was quiet. I heard sniffing down the line but he held it together well. He, too, said he would be back home as quickly as he could make it. I told him I loved him and hung up. With a glance at the clock I saw it was still only just gone eight so I called Mickey’s number. 

“Hey Orin.” He answered warmly. 

My throat tightened. I had to be strong for my kids. I didn’t feel like I had to hold it together in front of Mickey like I did for them. 

“Mick...I can’t make our appointment...”

I heard the switch in his voice when he realized I was struggling to speak. 

“What’s up? Can I help?”

“Um...not really. My mom passed away during the night.” It didn’t get any easier saying those words, even when I’d done it three times in thirty minutes. 

“Fuck. Shit. I’m so sorry.” Mickey exhaled slowly. “Do you need anything?”

I cleared my throat. “I don’t know. I guess I need to head down there and sort everything out...”

“Want me to be there? I don’t know what I can do but if you don’t wanna be alone...”

I smiled at his almost frantic need to help me out. “Maybe you could come by a little later. Once I figure things out...you know...with her body...”

He coughed. “Sure.”

“Mickey...we need to tell Yev.” I closed my eyes in distress when I thought how the little boy would take the news. 

“I’ll tell him when he wakes up.” Mickey replied softly. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

“I’d like to be there when you tell him.”

“Orin...you have enough on your mind...”

I smiled again at his worry. “Mick, honestly. I want to.”

“Alright. I’ll come by in a couple hours.”

I hung up the phone and closed my eyes for a moment. 

_You can do this, Orin._

I got dressed and left my apartment, heading to see my mom for the last time. 

She looked so peaceful. I assumed that was something they told everyone when a loved one died but it was true. It was like she’d fallen asleep with a smile on her face and just didn’t wake up. I stroked her hair and kissed her head one last time. It struck me that she looked younger somehow. Like the pain of life had gone and she was happier in death. I clung to that thought. 

“We’re ready to take her now, Mr Campbell.” 

I looked up at the coroner’s assistant and nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”

I watched as they carefully and respectfully moved my mom onto a gurney but I couldn’t watch her leave. I walked into the hallway and found Mickey waiting quietly. 

“Hey.” I greeted. 

He embraced me tightly. “Let’s go get a coffee.”

We didn’t talk much over our drinks. Mickey seemed easy in the silence and I was so grateful for his company. 

“I need to pack up her stuff.” I sighed heavily and picked at the sugar packet on the table. 

“I can do that, if you don’t think you can.” Mickey told me. 

I patted his hand gently. “It’s okay. I gotta do this.”

He smiled tightly and nodded. “I’ll help.”

We spent an hour putting all that was left of my mom’s life in a box. I broke down when I found handwritten letters from Sarah in a tin under her bed. Mickey listened to me sob without trying to hurry me along and relieve his own discomfort. When I pulled myself together and we finished boxing everything up I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself.

“Come on. Let’s go get something to eat.” Mickey spoke softly, touching my arm. 

We shared a box of Kung Po chicken and some fried rice. It tasted like sawdust in my mouth but Mickey seemed pleased I was eating something. 

“I have to plan the funeral. Where the fuck so I start?” I groaned aloud. 

“We’ll figure it out.” Mickey replied. 

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna call Ian. Let him know what’s going on. Then we’ll talk to the funeral home and see what we can do. When will Jack and Sarah be here?”

“Tomorrow, I guess.”

He nodded. “Okay. You stay with us tonight.”

“It’s fine...”

“Orin.” He cut me off. “It wasn’t a suggestion.”

I smiled, filling up with tears again. “Thanks.”

“It’s nothing. Yev is at Lana’s so it’s just us and Ian. We’ll drink brandy and Baileys, talk shit and eat pizza.” He told me with a smile. 

I didn’t trust myself to speak without crying again so I just nodded again. He smiled back at me and I gave my food my attention once again. My brain niggled at me, reminding me that the day I met Mickey was a game changer that I never could’ve predicted. Whatever the week would bring, as horrendous as my week would be, I had my kids and I had my second family to support me. 

I was a lucky bastard. 


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orin has a lightbulb moment.

I hadn’t been at Mickey’s place very long when I found myself relaxing and taking my first real breath of the day. We quickly decided on beers and pizza so Mickey called for a delivery and Ian got some drinks. When we all had a beer, alcohol-free for Ian, Mickey raised his bottle. 

“This marks the first meeting of the Dead Moms Club. A toast to the women we have loved and lost.” He said seriously. 

I spluttered a laugh. “Oh my God.”

“Mick!” Ian gasped. 

Mickey shrugged. “It ain’t insensitive if it’s true.”

I shook with laughter and nodded. “That’s right. A toast to those we have loved and lost.”

We clinked bottle necks and sat on comfortable silence. I was already feeling better. 

“So what’s left to sort out?” Ian asked me gently. 

“Um...well...Jack and Marco will get here at around 3. Sarah gets in at 7. We’re gonna get some dinner together. Then we have to arrange the funeral.” I explained. 

Ian nodded. “Let us know if we can do anything.”

I smiled and gestured with my hands to the room. “You’re already doing more than you know.”

“We can do more. You just need to ask.” Mickey told me sternly. 

“I will.” I assured him. “But we need to think about telling Yev.”

“Orin, you don’t need to worry about Yev. Honestly. We can tell him.” Mickey sighed but I waved him off with a smile. 

“I want to do it.”

“Okay. But he asked when he could see her this morning so it’s gonna have to be soon.” Mickey replied and I nodded. 

“Sure. I’ll come by tomorrow.”

We sipped our beers and I found my eye caught by a framed photograph on the side table. I recognized it as one I’d taken at the courthouse on the day Mickey and Ian got married. The photo was of Mickey crouched on one knee, adjusting Yev’s jacket collar with a beautiful smile on his face. Yev was looking at his father with amazement on his face. Ian was just behind them, gazing down at the pair with a softness in his green eyes that could only mean love. It was a beautiful candid shot that I had taken accidentally when I was preparing to take some ‘official’ wedding snaps, and they were tidying Yev up to be in the photos. 

“That’s not the one I thought you’d frame.” I joked as I pointed to the photo. 

Mickey chuckled. “It’s Ian’s favorite. And mine.”

“It’s nice when you capture the love without the forced smiles.” I agreed. 

“Yev does a crazy-eyes smile when there’s a camera in front of him.” Ian remarked with a grin. 

“I gotta say, guys, Yev is the most amazing kid. You’re doing such a great job. Lana, too. Obviously.” I smiled, a feeling of fatigue washing over me. 

Mickey blushed and looked at the floor. “Not much I did about that.”

Ian beamed proudly. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re his idol.”

I laughed quietly. “You’re all raising him. It’s all of you.”

After another beer, I felt bone-tired and my eyes drooped with exhaustion. 

Mickey picked up the empty bottles and trash. “And that concludes our first Dead Moms Club meeting.”

“This gonna be a weekly thing? Monthly? Cuz I got some time on my hands now.” I grinned teasingly. 

“We can be called to order whenever one of us needs a meeting.” Ian replied easily. 

I nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

Mickey finished clearing the table. “I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket. I’d offer you Yev’s room but he’s got a weird hybrid bunk bed contraption. You might get in but I don’t fancy your chances at getting out.”

I laughed at the thought. “No problem.”

When I was settled on the sofa and the house was quiet, I allowed myself a moment to cry. It eased the tension in my forehead enough so I could feel ready to sleep. It had been a long day and I was done with it, even if waking up meant I had to see the devastation on the faces of my children. 

Jack and Marco arrived first and came to see me before they checked into their hotel. My place was too small to house their suitcase, let alone two fully grown men. We hugged, cried and hugged some more. 

“She was so...” I tried to think of another word than peaceful. It was close but not quite right. “...free.”

Jack smiled and nodded. “That’s good.”

“Listen...I have to go to visit Yev soon. He doesn’t know yet.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. 

Jack patted my hand. “You gonna be okay? I know how much you love Yev.”

I smiled tightly. “Mickey already offered to tell him but I wanna do it.”

“We’ll pick up Sarah while you do that. Then we’ll pick you up from Mickey’s.” Marco offered. 

I wasn’t used to thinking so carefully about my whereabouts and plans. The logistics made my head spin. Luckily, I had my boy to help me out. 

“Thank you.” 

Telling Yev was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do as an adult. Every other piece of tough news I’ve delivered was always for the greater good, like telling the kids their parents were getting a divorce. Sure, at the time they were in their early twenties but it was still bad news. But Yev was a different matter altogether.

“Hey buddy.” I greeted him with a smile. 

“Orin!” Yev bounded over and hugged me. 

“Come sit. I need to tell you something.” I led him to the sofa. Mickey lingered in the background, biting his lip and pacing anxiously. Lana was in the kitchen making coffee and banana milk for Yev. 

“So...it’s not good news kiddo.” I braced him for it. “Grandma has gone to heaven.”

Yev’s face crinkled in confusion before he clicked to what I was saying. 

“No.” He mumbled quietly. “No.”

I placed my hand gently in his hair and stroked it. “I’m sorry Yev. I’m sorry.”

His big blue eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip wobbled. “But...”

“It’s okay. You can cry if you want to. I’m sad too.” I assured him. 

My eyes fixed on his bottom lip as it trembled uncontrollably and I wished I could take away his hurt and pain. 

“I just...I...” Yev wept. “I thought we would have more time.”

Then he broke down completely and sobbed in my arms. I rubbed his back as he emptied out his emotion on my shoulder. 

“I know, buddy. But she was tired and ready to go. She was ready to say goodbye to us so we have to be ready to say goodbye to her.” I murmured. 

“I’m sorry you’ve lost your mama.” He told me and I snuffled a laugh. 

“It’s okay. I didn’t lose her. She’ll be waiting for us in heaven.”

“Really?”

“Sure. She’s gonna do the work of the angels and wait for us to join her when our time comes. We just gotta have lots of fun before that so we can tell her all the cool stories.” I found the words came quite easy and I wanted to believe them. I wanted that so bad. 

“Okay. We can do that.” Yev agreed, sniffling and wiping his face on my shirt. Suddenly I was transported back twenty or so years to when Sarah snotted all over me when my dad died. 

“You were so kind to her, Yev. She loved you very much. I do, too. You’re a very special young man.” I told him. 

“I love her too.”

I sat him upright and used my thumbs to wipe away the tears that were clinging to his long lashes. 

“Okay. That’s enough crying for now. It’s time to be happy. I’ve got another hour before I have to go so why don’t we play cards.” I suggested. 

Yev frowned. “Can we play Snakes and Ladders instead?”

“Sure...”

“Thanks. Cards make me think of Grandma and if I think of Grandma I’ll be sad.”

I smiled at his logic. “Makes sense to me.”

We were still playing over an hour later when there was a gentle knock on the front door. Ian opened it and led Jack, Marco and Sarah into the living room. I looked up at them and smiled softly. 

“Hello sweetheart.” I rose to give Sarah a hug. She held me tightly and sniffled quietly in my ear. 

“Hi Dad. Are you okay?”

“I am. I’d be even better if this little genius didn’t keep whipping my butt at games I’ve had almost fifty years more experience with, but we can’t have everything.” I joked. 

Sarah chuckled and released me from her grip. “Kids are better at games because they don’t have grown up stuff to worry about.”

I smiled happily. “Long may it continue, if that’s the case.”

I hugged Jack and then Marco before turning to where Ian and Mickey were waiting patiently in the doorway to the kitchen, where Lana was now making a traditional Russian dinner. 

“Sarah, these are my friends Mickey and Ian. This is their son, Yev. Everyone, my daughter Sarah.”

“Hey. Nice to meet you all.” She greeted them all with a watery smile. 

“You too.” Mickey smiled back shyly. “And I’m sorry for your loss. Mrs Campbell was one hell of a lady.”

Sarah grinned. “She was, wasn’t she.”

Yev began to carefully place the game pieces back in their box. I stroked his hair tenderly. 

“You know, it won’t be the same and I’m nowhere near as good...but when you’re ready to play cards again you just let me know. I’d be happy to play.” I told him. 

He climbed into my lap and hugged me tightly around the neck. “Maybe on Sunday.”

“Anytime you like.” I assured him. 

Mickey cleared his throat. “Yev, I think dinner is almost ready. Can you go wash up?”

The youngster nodded sadly and said goodbye as he wandered off to the bathroom. 

Mickey smiled at me. “He’ll be okay. You did a great job talking to him.”

Jack squeezed my shoulder and I patted his hand. 

“Thanks.” I replied sincerely. 

Mickey grinned. “Now, run fast before Lana makes you all stay for her infamous okroshka.” 

Marco’s ears pricked up. “I love okroshka!”

Mickey snorted. “No you fuckin don’t. It’s impossible to like that stuff. Even Lana hates it. She makes it to punish us.”

“I hear you, Misha. And now you get double portion!” Lana’s voice floated out of the kitchen. 

I burst into laughter and glanced at Sarah. “That’s Lana, she’s Yev’s mom.”

“Oh!” Sarah beamed. 

“She’d come say hi but she’s got the pelmeni cooking...”

Marco’s gasp cut Mickey off. “I love pelmeni too! Does she use ham or beef?”

“Oh dear god. I think I’d prefer to be vegan.” Mickey rolled his eyes. 

“Marco! Come see.” Lana’s voice was commanding and my son’s partner tottered off to the kitchen. 

Sarah raised her eyebrows and smirked. “They sound kinda cool...”

Mickey laughed heartily. “You’re welcome to stay. In fact, if it all gets finished tonight it means I won’t be stuck taking it to work for my lunch for the next three days.”

“Misha! I still hear you.” Lana snapped and Marco chuckled. 

“Can we?” Sarah asked me hopefully. 

I held up my hands. “Fine with me.”

Lana’s Russian feast was remarkable. With everything laid out on the table we all grabbed a bowl and helped ourselves to the food while we sat wherever there was space. For someone who complained loudly about the offerings, I couldn’t help noticing Mickey filling up his bowl to the brim and tucking in like it was his first meal this week. Yev picked at his food listlessly until Mickey pulled him into his lap and kissed his son’s temple, whispering something in his ear in a language I didn’t understand. I assumed it was Russian. Yev smiled sadly and nodded at his father then ate some more food. When he started to yawn Lana suggested he went to bed and read a comic book. Yev nodded tiredly and hugged everyone goodnight, including my kids. They had that warm, fuzzy feeling showing all over their faces. Lana tucked Yev into bed and then said her own goodbyes, quietly telling my children that their grandmother meant a lot to her and she was very sorry for their loss. It was the same slightly uncharacteristic kindness that she always showed my mother. She pressed her lips to my cheek and squeezed my arm as she left. 

The rest of the night was spent laughing, and occasionally crying, over hilarious stories about my mother. From the time she accidentally set fire to the Christmas tree in her living room with a candle when the kids were small to the time she was almost arrested for shoplifting when a bra hooked itself to the back of her coat and she was chased through the mall by an over-zealous security guard. By the time midnight came I was anxious for Ian to get enough rest so I urged my entourage to leave. 

“Stay here again, Orin.” Mickey offered. 

“It’s okay...”

“You should.” Sarah said with a small smile. 

“We’re going to be at the hotel anyway.” Marco added. 

“You shouldn’t be alone.” Jack agreed. 

I smiled warmly. “Okay. Thank you.”

Everyone was ready to leave when Mickey called out to Marco and dashed into the kitchen. He returned with a box and handed it over. 

“Spare Russian shit. Enjoy.”

Marco’s face lit up. “Thank you!”

“Alright. Get out of here, weirdo.” Mickey teased. 

On the day of my mother’s funeral I woke up sure I would run out of energy before noon. I’d barely slept and my eyes were bleary from the whiskey I’d used to help me fall under. There was a knock on my apartment door and I was surprised to see it was Lana. 

“You look like shit, Orin.” She stated bluntly. 

I barked out a laugh. “Only because I’m standing next to you.”

“Compliments like that will get you a hair cut. Go wet your hair and bring a towel.” She pushed past me gently and into my living room, where she cast her eye over the mess. When I didn’t move, she turned to me. 

“We have less than one hour. Move.”

I smirked at her bossiness and wondered if Mickey must like her for the order and routine she instilled in people. I went to the bathroom as instructed and when I returned I found Lana had cleared away my dirty dishes and beer bottles and was rinsing something in the sink. 

“Sit.” She pointed to the chair at the small table. 

I perched on the seat and suddenly Lana’s fingers were scraping through my longish hair. Before she carried on she opened up her bag and pulled out a comb and some scissors as well as some weird looking moon-shaped pads. Lana tipped my head back gently and swiftly smoothed the pads under my eyes. 

“They will reduce swelling and redness.” She told me as she returned her attention to my hair. 

“Why are you doing this?” I croaked out around the lump in my throat. 

She smiled down at me and pecked a kiss to my forehead. “Because you are so busy caring for everyone else that you forget to care for yourself.”

My eyes filled up but Lana moved on to start trimming my hair. Her movements were fast but confident and I closed to eyes to relax into it. 

“You remind me of someone.” Lana murmured when she leaned closer to snip the hair around my ears. 

“Oh?”

“A man from television. When your hair is shorter at least. I do not know his name but he was in show that I watch when I come to America. It helped me learn English...” She mused, almost to herself. 

“What was the show?” I asked. 

“The OC.”

I smiled at the memory flashing through my mind of Sarah watching it and explaining to me who all of the characters were, as if I had any hope of following. 

“Hmm...I guess you don’t mean the handsome blond bad boy lead...” I joked. 

Lana smoothed down my new shorter curls and chuckled. “Not quite. I was talking about the handsome bad boy who was embezzling and lost all of his money.”

I scrunched up my face as I thought about it. “I think I know who you mean.” 

It was only a few minutes later that I realized Lana had referred to him as handsome. Damn. 

“There you go.” She brushed the hair from the back of my neck, leaning down to blow the lingering pieces off my skin. My body reacted with a jolt and I felt a stirring downstairs that had been MIA for a long fucking time. 

“Thank you.” I choked out. 

“You’re welcome.” She was smiling happily when she appeared in front of me and peeled off the pads from under my eyes. 

“I will make coffee while you take a shower.” She added and left me alone with my head spinning and my pants tight. I felt instantly ashamed of myself. Lana was here to help me out and I was responding like a teenager on prom night. She didn’t deserve my creepy old guy affections when she was only being kind to a grieving man. 

Mickey smiled at me when we sat down inside the chapel. He’d carried my mom’s casket along with Ian, Jack and Marco. I’d followed behind and stared at the box that held the woman I needed to say goodbye to today. I’d been ready to run away and pretend it wasn’t happening when I felt a hand slip into mine and squeeze gently. It was Lana, who’d smiled sweetly and released my hand. It was enough strength transferred to me to get me to my seat. 

“You okay, Orin?” Mickey asked gently. 

_Apart from inappropriate thoughts about your ex-wife, who happens to be over twenty years younger than I am, on the day I am laying my mom to rest?_

“I’m doing okay.” I replied hollowly. 

“One step at a time.” Mickey winked. 

The service was beautiful. Hearing my mom’s life being spoken about so reverently was hauntingly perfect. The list of achievements went on and on, finishing with her proudest - her grandchildren. Tears slipped silently down my face when Jack stood to give a reading, a poem from a book that my mom gifted Jack when he was eighteen that used to belong to my dad. Finally it was over and her casket was shrouded in velvet as it was taken away for cremation. Sarah held my arm and we cried together for a moment before I smiled and wiped away her tears. 

“She’s free now.” I said. 

“And back with Grandpa.” Sarah agreed, her blue eyes sparkling. 

“God help him.” I laughed. 

Yev didn’t come to the service. Mickey and Lana agreed he was too young to go through that just yet. He stayed behind at the Alibi with Vee and played with her daughters until we got back there. When he saw me walk into the bar his face lit up and he ran to me, hugging me around the neck when I scooped him up. 

“You’re back.” He whispered. 

“I’m back.”

I set him down on the floor and he darted back to his game. Sarah appeared beside me and nudged my arm. 

“He likes you.”

“Yeah. He’s a good kid.” I sighed. 

“Come on. No moping. Let’s get a drink.”

Vee had lined up a row of drinks on the bar for us and I handed Sarah a vodka. 

“Do I look like someone from The OC?” I blurted out. 

Sarah’s eyes squinted and then widened in amazement. “Yes! Jimmy Cooper!”

I frowned. “Hmm.”

“I mean, your hair isn’t quite as ginger but yeah you totally do!” She gasped in recognition. 

“So I’ve been told.” I replied. 

“By...?”

“Lana. She cut my hair this morning and said I reminded her of someone from that show.”

Sarah’s eyebrows quirked up. “Did she?”

“Don’t even go there.” I rolled my eyes. “She’s way too young to be interested in an old man like me.”

“Firstly, you’re not old.” Sarah stated. “Secondly, she’s what, thirty? That’s not too young.”

I went to speak but Sarah cut me off. 

“And thirdly, who the fuck cares?”

I gaped at my school teacher daughter who I’d heard swear about three times in her life. 

“I mean, really, who gives a fuck? If you want it and she wants it then that’s your business. You think anyone has a right to tell you who you can be with?”

I shook my head in dismay. “She _doesn’t_ want me! She’s just a kind, sweet person helping me out because my mom died.”

Sarah snorted. “Well with _that_ attitude...”

I glared at her. “Sarah!”

“All I’m saying is...why not?”

“She’s the same age as you!”

“But she isn’t me. So that’s not a legal or moral issue.”

“She’s never shown any interest in being more than a friend.”

“Have you?”

“No!” I argued. 

“But you are. Interested, I mean.” Sarah challenged. 

“Uh...”

“Point proven. So why haven’t you shown any interest? Because maybe she’s the same and is waiting for you...”

“Oh my God! Enough!” I laughed harshly. “Shouldn’t you be worried about your inheritance?”

This time Sarah laughed loudly. “What inheritance?”

“Good point.” I sighed. 

She leaned up and pecked my cheek. “Trust me, if you told you she thinks you look like Jimmy Cooper, she’s interested. Just...be open to the opportunity. Grandma wouldn’t want you wasting your life now you’ve got it back.”

I watched her float away and join her brother at the bar as he chatted to Mickey. My eyes drifted around the bar and landed on Lana. She was perched on a chair by the booth where Yev and the Ball twins were playing. A happy smile danced on her lips when Yev said something to her. Could she really be interested in an old bore like me? Suddenly she looked up and caught me staring. Her smile widened and I smiled back at her. Fuck she was beautiful. 

Today was a weird fucking day. 


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dead Moms Club reconvenes.

I spent the days following my mom’s funeral putting aside all errant thoughts of Lana and whatever might have possessed me to think there could be something there. I buried myself in my work and avoided all mention of her when I had my sessions with Mickey. We talked about what married life had changed for him, which I felt would be safe ground until I belatedly remembered talking about marriage would inevitably bring up his first attempt at a wedded union. 

“I always hated the idea.” Mickey frowned. 

“Why?”

“I’ve never met a single other guy in the world who was married to a dude. Who lived like a normal family with a dude. It just wasn’t real to me.” He shrugged mulishly. 

“Even with Ian?”

“Especially with Ian! Back when we first started up he would’ve done anything to be standing where Lana was on the day we got married. He was so sure we were gonna make it and I was so sure I was gonna break him. I didn’t want that.”

“And now?”

Mickey sighed. “I can’t sit here and say I wish it was different. Sure, I wish I’d never had to marry Lana. That just fucked up all of us. But I can’t say I wished I’d married Ian. I wouldn’t have been good to him. I would’ve broken him.”

“That’s not how you feel about it now...”

He shook his head. “Course not. Now I know it ain’t like that. Anyone gets broken? It’s me.”

I chuckled darkly. “The trust we place in the people we love can be frightening.”

“Yeah.” Mickey agreed. “Sometimes I lie awake and just listen to him breathe beside me. It’s something I started doing in the joint to help me sleep. It freaks me the fuck out that one day I might not hear that anymore. If anything happened...I don’t know what I’d do.”

“What do you mean? If something happened...”

“If Ian wasn’t around. If he left me. Or if...you know...fuck. I can’t even say it.” Mickey snorted at his own superstition. 

“Well we all just have to believe in the fairytale happy ending.” I smiled. 

“What about you, Orin? You never think about dating again?” Mickey asked me and threw me for a loop. 

“Me? Who the fuck would want me?” I scoffed. 

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Come on man. You’re not my type but you’re not a troll.”

I spluttered a laugh. “Thanks. I guess.”

Mickey smirked. “You’re welcome. And I’m serious. You should think about it.”

“There’s not much to think about. I’m not exactly beating them off with a stick.” 

Mickey shrugged, unconcerned. “So? Make yourself available. There’s always Tinder, right?”

“I’m too fucking old for Tinder.” I retorted. 

“What’s your type?” He asked me. 

_Young, Russian and beautiful with a smart mouth and a heart of gold._

“I don’t know.” I replied. “Never really given it much thought.”

He nodded. “I get it. You’ve had a lot on your mind. But you’ve got a lot to give the right person, and you deserve happiness.”

I shifted in my seat. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good.” He smiled. 

“Something else we need to think about...” I added. “Is what else you want to cover in our sessions. We don’t have long left.”

Mickey sighed. “Fuck...I dunno. We’ve talked about my dad. My family. Ian. Yev. My first fucked up marriage. What else is there?”

I smiled. “Are you happy?”

“Happy.” Mickey murmured the word like he hadn’t heard it before. 

“Yeah. When you wake up in the morning is there anything that makes you feel unhappy?”

Mickey thought long and hard before he met my questioning gaze. “No.”

“No?”

He shook his head. “No. Not really. I mean, some stuff...Ian’s condition maybe...that’s not great. But we’re handling it.”

“There’s nothing you want to change?” I pressed. 

“I guess I’d like to see Mandy more often. And maybe get back in touch with Iggy. But I guess that’s it.”

I grinned happily. “I think we’ve had a breakthrough.”

Mickey laughed heartily. “I guess so. You’re a fuckin miracle worker.”

“Like I said before, you’ve done all the hard work. This was never going to be easy but you’ve met every challenge head on. I’m very proud of you, Mick.” I told him sincerely. 

He blushed and lowered his head. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now get out of here and enjoy your day.”

“It’s early.” Mickey glanced at the clock. 

I shrugged. “Enough is enough sometimes.”

Tinder was a crazy experience that I wasn’t prepared for when I downloaded the app. Based on my age category the only matches I seemed to make were middle-aged women clinging to some semblance of their youth. There was a lot of bleached hair. A lot of Botox fillers. A bizarre amount of cliche inspirational quotes used in bios. I couldn’t take it and closed it down before I lost any more time and energy to it. My dinner was bubbling on the stove so I quickly stirred the thick vegetable broth and popped some cornbread in the oven to warm up. I was setting the table when there was a knock at my door. 

“Lana!” I greeted brightly. “What brings you here?”

She smiled back at me. “I am checking you are well. And eating. But I smell food cooking so I know you are.”

I was touched by her concern. 

“Come on in. Are you hungry? I’ve got plenty.”

She followed me into the kitchen and peered into the pan, beaming with delight when she saw it was the batch of broth she’d given me to freeze the week before. 

“Sit down.” I told her and grabbed an extra bowl. 

“Thank you.” She got comfortable while I served up the broth and the warm cornbread. 

“Is Yev with Mickey and Ian tonight?” I asked. 

She shook her head. “He is at sleepover with his friend Zac.”

“Oh great! I’m sure he’s having fun.”

“I hope so. He needs a distraction.”

“Yeah.” I agreed softly. 

“And you? Do you need a distraction?” She gazed at me intently and I felt my skin prickle with anticipation. 

“I...uh...don’t know really.” 

Lana smiled at me. “Well, you just let me know if you do.”

I couldn’t tell if she was just being nice or if she was flirting with me. Christ, it’d been so long since the last time I had been flirted with that I probably wouldn’t recognize the signs. 

“Thanks.” I coughed. 

We ate in relative silence, chatting idly about Yev and how our week had been, and then Lana washed the dishes while I tidied up the kitchen. 

“Misha tells me he has suggested you use Tinder to find a date.” Lana smirked. 

I blushed deeply. “Well...he seems to think now I have my time back I should be thinking about dating again.”

“And what do you think?” She stepped closer to me. 

My cheeks were tingling with heat. “He’s probably right. My divorce was a long time ago.”

“Hmm. I agree.” She smiled. 

“But Tinder isn’t for me. I had a look to see what it was all about but I don’t think I’ll find what I’m looking for on there.” I sighed. 

“What are you looking for?” Lana asked me gently. 

I sighed again, rubbing my eyes tiredly. “I don’t know for sure. Someone who’s happy to take it slow. I have no idea how to date. It’s been over thirty years since I had to worry about that shit. And I don’t wanna sound like I’m being rude or offensive but the women I found on Tinder seemed to be one match away from marriage. They seemed to be working to a deadline.”

Lana chuckled with delight. “The desperate housewives types.”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I guess.”

“So do you want a relationship or do you want a fuck?” She questioned me casually and my jaw swung open in shock. 

“Uh...”

Her face lit up with a grin. “Sorry. I forget you are not used to my way. I say what is on my mind without thinking how best to say it.”

“No! It’s...I actually really like that about you. No hiding behind anything.” I told her honestly. 

“Good. So?”

I blushed to my roots once more. “Both.”

“Right. That’s good.” Lana murmured and stepped closer so she was directly in front of me. “I will be honest, Orin. I like you very much. I do not mean to cause you any panic by telling this to you. But you are a very wonderful man and I find you very attractive.”

“Oh.” I exhaled. Definitely flirting. “Right then.”

Lana smiled and reached a hand up to cup my cheek. “So...when you are ready...let me know.”

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. “Lana, I feel exactly the same about you. I think you’re beautiful. But I can’t go down that route with you. It wouldn’t be right.”

She smiled again. “Because of Misha?”

I nodded. “Yes. I’m already way too close to you guys than is really appropriate for my job. I’m not meant to be friends with my clients let alone... But, as much as I really fucking want to, I can’t cross that line with you.”

Lana ran her thumb down my cheek, her smile so bright and pure. “Your integrity is something else I find attractive.”

“Really? Cuz right now I hate that about me.” I huffed. 

She chuckled and slowly reached up on her toes, pressing her lips to mine in the briefest touch of flesh before she stepped back and away from me. “You are a good man, Orin.”

“I’m an idiot.” I retorted. 

Her tinkling laugh was all I heard as she left my apartment. 

To my complete and utter mind-blowing, toe-curling horror, when Mickey and Ian settled in for their appointment they made it clear that they knew about my Lana issue. 

“Lana told us you turned her down.” Mickey grinned. 

My eyes widened and my mouth fell open. “What? The. Fuck.” 

Ian giggled. “She’s not used to it.”

I scrubbed my face with my hands. “I can’t believe she told you!”

“We tell each other most things.” Mickey shrugged and in any normal circumstance I would praise him for how well he was doing communicating in an unorthodox relationship. Only this wasn’t any normal circumstance. This was my life. My personal, private life. So instead, I glowered at them. 

“Jesus.”

“So you like her?” Ian asked softly. 

I felt my face burning. “I am not doing this. No way.”

“Oh come on, Orin. It’s not like we don’t know. It’s actually kinda sweet.” Ian teased. 

“Look, I will say this once. Yes. I like her. She’s amazing and I’d be damned lucky to have her. But I am not willing to risk my whole career and reputation by hooking up with my client’s ex-wife. So forget all about it and move on.” I snapped, more than a little done with whole thing. 

Mickey held up his hands. “Okay. We won’t mention it again.”

I bowed my head. “Thank you.”

“So,” Ian started conversationally. “How has your week been?”

My head shot up and I narrowed my eyes. “That’s my line, hotshot.”

Ian giggled happily while Mickey failed to stifle his grin. Seeing them act like mischievous children made me smile and suddenly my tension fell away. We talked about how Ian was balancing the demands of his job with his condition and how Mickey was going to cope now that Yev was back at school and he didn’t have as much time with his boy. We didn’t have tears or emotional breakdowns. It was nice. 

“Hey Orin.” Kevin greeted brightly when I entered the Alibi on Sunday afternoon. The bar was like a morgue so he set me up with a beer at the bar so we could chat. 

“Mickey not around?” I asked. 

Kevin wiped down the bar and shook his head. “I switched his shifts so he had this weekend free with Yev. Gonna do it at least once a month now they don’t have weekdays together.”

I smiled warmly. “That’s really sweet of you.”

Kevin smiled back at me shyly. “Well I know what it’s like to want to spend time with your kids.”

I raised my glass. “Preach.”

“You’ve got good kids, Orin.” He told me. 

I laughed softly. “I really do. I just wish they lived closer. Sarah just bought a house in Maine so I know she’s there for good. Keeps asking me to move out there...”

Kevin’s brows raised. “Really?”

I nodded. “Yeah. She’s got it all planned out in her head.”

“And?”

With a shrug I pushed my empty glass closer to Kevin. “And maybe it’s not the worst idea I ever heard.”

“What?” Kevin gasped. “No way!”

“There’s nothing here for me anymore. I only stayed in Chicago for my mom. Seems like a good time to be closer to my kids. It’s only an hour flight from Sarah to Jack.”

“What about work?” Kevin frowned. 

“Mickey is my last long-term client. Once he finishes in November I don’t have anything to stop me moving on. Obviously I’d stay until he’s finished.” I replied and nudged my glass closer again, hoping the big man would get the hint and refill it with beer. 

“But what about...” Kevin blurted out and then stopped abruptly. 

“About?” I prompted, resigned to the fact I wasn’t getting more beer anytime soon. 

“Yev...and Lana.” Kevin murmured and looked almost guilty. 

“Jesus fuck! Is there anyone around here that doesn’t know my personal business?” I yelled in frustration. 

“Hey, calm down. Orin...it’s not like that...Lana and Vee are close. They talk. She just...really likes you.” Kevin soothed and I started to feel bad for yelling. 

“Right.” I mumbled. 

“And it’s weird, y’know? Lana doesn’t really get attached. Emotionally, I mean. In fact, she’s worked hard to avoid it over the years. But Vee says this is different.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh my god. I can’t believe this is happening...”

Kevin finally noticed my empty glass and picked it up to refill it. “No pressure. She doesn’t want to do that to you.”

I gulped some beer down. “Sure.”

The door swung open and Mickey stomped in with a sour expression on his face. 

“You okay Mick?” Kevin called out. 

“Fuckin kid is driving me crazy.” Mickey grunted. 

“Yev? How come?”

Mickey slid onto the stool beside me and picked up the beer Kevin slid across to him. 

“He’s like a fuckin moody teenager. One minute it’s “ _Daddy I love you let’s play Mario!_ ” the next it’s all “ _I am not taking a bath and I hate you for making me!_ ” I don’t know where the fuck I am with him.”

I smiled and clamped my hand on his shoulder. “He’s grieving, Mick. It sucks but that’s what it is. He’s not handling his emotions because he doesn’t know how to yet.”

Mickey glanced at me. “That a real shrink thing or you just covering up for the asshole?”

My laugh emerged as a bark. “It’s a real thing, I swear.”

“Well shit. What do I do?” Mickey sighed. 

“Hug him, tell him you love him and let him scream in the middle of a field if he needs to.” I chuckled. 

“Fuckin drama queen.” He muttered but nodded along. “You seen Lana recently?”

I narrowed my eyes. “No.”

“Well you should. Cuz even if you’re not willing to bang her, she’s still your friend and she misses you. Don’t make her think she’s ruined everything.” He said simply but I couldn’t help feel like I’d been told off. 

“It’s not as simple as all that. You know it isn’t. There’s so many factors involved.” I groaned. 

“I get it. You’re a better man than I am for not just thinking with your dick.” He replied. 

“It is the weirdest thing to talk like this about your ex-wife. Your child’s mother.” I huffed. 

“Yeah. Maybe. But them’s just the cards we were dealt right?”

I laughed softly. “Yeah.”

“I used to hate everything about her.” Mickey mumbled so only I would be able to hear. “But that was before I knew anything about her.”

“Jesus. You’re in a deep and meaningful mood.” I teased. “And it’s not about not being willing to bang her, as you so eloquently put it. I don’t want to fuck things up.”

“How?”

“It’s affectionately known as ‘pulling an Orin’ and it basically means I know fuck all about women. Just ask my ex-wife.” I snorted. 

Mickey shook his head dismissively. “That’s not even a thing. She’s big enough and tough enough to look after herself.”

“And what about Yev?”

“What about him?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re okay with some guy getting with his mom?”

Mickey tipped his head back and laughed. “Orin! You crack me up!”

I frowned, confused. “I’m glad.”

“Of course I’m not okay with some guy getting with his mom...but you’re not some guy, are you?” He stopped laughing and gazed at me. 

I blushed. “No. I suppose not.”

“Your mom was his grandma. That puts you pretty close to the kid in my book. And yeah...maybe I’d freak the fuck out if he started calling you dad...but you’re not just some creepy chancer tryna get in his mom’s pants!” He explained. 

“Uh...yeah...” I exhaled. 

“I know you can’t risk your career. It’s important. I understand. But if you really like her...don’t let anyone else’s opinion matter.”

I rubbed my eyes tiredly. “I feel so...tired.”

“Tired?”

“Yeah.”

“Not the sleepy kind?”

I shook my head. “No. I guess I’m grieving too.”

“You ain’t gonna give me hell for making you take a bath are you?” Mickey cracked a smile. 

I raised my brows. “Are you gonna try to make me take a bath?”

He laughed heartily. “Maybe.”

“Then yes, I’ll yell at you.” I told him. 

“Fair enough.” He agreed. 

I drained my glass and tossed ten dollars on the bar. I waved at Kevin, who was in the back lifting crates, and he called out his goodbye. I patted Mickey on the back. 

“Catch you later.”

“Bye Orin. Take it easy.” 

I wasn’t proud of myself but I hit the bottle when I got home. It was six in the evening and I was knocking back hard liquor like it was juice. By eight I was worse for wear and falling asleep, alone on my couch. My cell phone rang and I didn’t check the number before I answered. 

“Orin?” Lana’s voice immediately took on a hard edge. 

“Hey.” I greeted. 

Even I heard the slur in my voice and winced. 

“What’s going on?” She demanded. 

“Nothing. Just relaxing at home.”

“You are drunk.”

It wasn’t a question. 

“I’m relaxing.”

Lana laughed harshly. “I am Russian. I know how you are relaxing.”

“What do you need Lana?”

“You.” She retorted. “I need you to take care of Yev after school for an hour while Misha takes me to renew visa applications.”

“Of course.” I replied. “I’ll pick him up from school. Tell his teacher to expect me.” I replied. 

“Thank you.” She murmured down the line. 

“No worries.”

“And Orin?”

“Yeah Lana?”

“I need you to take care of yourself too.”

The line clicked dead before I could respond. 

Mickey’s session on Monday was with Ian, after we rescheduled for Ian’s work pattern that week. 

“You look rough.” Ian noted with concern. “Are you feeling alright?”

I nodded. “Fine. So, how’s it going?”

Mickey smiled. “Good. I told someone I was married the other day for the first time. It didn’t even feel weird.”

“Congratulations?” I frowned in confusion. 

Mickey chuckled happily. “It was my sister.”

“Mandy?” I grinned. “How did she take the news?”

“If she coulda jumped outta the phone and smacked me she woulda.” Mickey replied with a laugh. 

“She was pissed she wasn’t invited.” Ian added. 

“Until I told her Saint Lip wasn’t even there...she calmed down after that.”

I smiled warmly. “I’m glad you felt good telling someone.”

“Yeah.”

They both fell silent and just gazed at me and I knew they were fighting some heavy thoughts. 

“Okay. Spill. Whatever’s on your mind.” I sat back in my chair and tossed my pen onto the desk. 

“Are you doing okay Orin?” Ian asked gently. 

I smiled wryly. “Who’s in therapy here?”

“Whoever needs it, I guess.” Ian shrugged. 

I laughed in surprise. “You think I need therapy?”

Ian shook his head. “I think you need to talk to your friends.”

Mickey tilted his head and flashed me a boyish smile. “Dead Moms Club, remember?”

I remembered. Their light-hearted way of letting me know that I wasn’t alone. Fuck. These guys would actually kill me off one day. With kindness, of all fucking things. 

“Dead Moms Club.” I mused aloud. 

They waited patiently for me to begin. When I struggled, Mickey took over smoothly. 

“My mom used to sing this song when she was cooking. By cooking, I mean warming shit up on the stove. My mom weren’t no Martha Stewart. But I heard it on the radio the other day I started to fill up. I had idea why at the time. Wasn’t until later when the song was stuck in my head that I remembered it. I swear to God, the human brain is one fucked up ball of mush.”

Leave it to Mickey to refer to one of the most amazing structures ever created as a ball of mush. 

My smile probably lit up the room. “What song was it?”

“Uh...you know, I don’t even know what it’s called...it goes something like ‘don’t hang around, cause two’s a crowd on my cloud’ or whatever.” He shrugged. 

I clapped my hands in delight. “The Rolling Stones! Damn, Mick. Your mom was a rocker!”

His cheeks flushed when he absorbed a piece of information about his mother that he previously didn’t know. 

“My mom never stopped fucking singing. She’d sing sentences instead of just speaking. Drove me fucking insane.” Ian remarked softly. 

I laughed at that. “That’s how mom’s talk to their babies. She still saw you as her babies.”

“Yeah well. That might’ve been cute if she hadn’t fucked off before I knew how to tie my shoelaces and made us all grow up into adults overnight.” Ian replied sourly and I nodded in agreement. 

“I feel like a weak link in this club. My mom stories were all pretty fucking amazing.”

“Huh. That’s not the weak link Orin. That’s the fucking golden ticket.” Mickey joked. 

I laughed. “I guess so. My mom sang in a choir at the community center when I was a kid. She’d drag me along and I’d make tea for the old dears at intermission. I thought for a long time that I hated it. When it stopped...I felt weird.”

“Weird?” Ian probed. 

“Well yeah...where else was I gonna make out with Sally Bernard for an hour every weekend?” I cracked a grin. 

“Sally Bernard huh? Little Orin was a player back in the day!” Mickey teased. 

I shrugged. “I was thirteen. My mind wasn’t on the choir, that’s for sure.”

“Thirteen. Fuck. I got my first blowie when I was thirteen.” Mickey reminisced dreamily. 

“I gave my first blowie when I was thirteen.” Ian chuckled. 

Mickey cast him a look sideways. “Wish I’d known. Angie never remembered to cover her fucking teeth.”

“She’d have needed tarpaulin to cover those teeth.” Ian muttered under his breath but we both heard. My jaw dropped while Mickey shrieked with laughter. 

“He’s not wrong.” Mickey assured me. 

“I haven’t had a blowie for about thirty years.” I sighed. 

“What?” Mickey yelled. 

“You’re joking!” Ian added. 

I shook my head. “Nope. Wife hated them. Wouldn’t even look below the waist, let alone give me head. But hey, it’s not for everyone right? Her choice.”

“Not for everybody? Fuck that.” Ian snorted. 

“You go down on her?” Mickey asked bluntly. 

I blushed but nodded. “Sure.”

“Selfish cow.” He replied. 

I felt the urge to defend my ex, like I always did, but found I didn’t have the energy. Or the inclination, really. 

“Yes well. I don’t have that to hold me back anymore and I still haven’t tripped over the queue of women on their knees so...make of that what you will.” I joked. 

“Don’t have to be that way, Orin.” Mickey replied softly. 

“And if anyone can give a decent blowie, Lana can.” Ian’s eyes glittered with mischief. 

“Annnnnnd that’s enough for today.” I shot back and switched off the timer that sat on my desk with 37 minutes left to run. 

I ended that day convinced my cause of death was going to be exasperation.


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey tries his hand at being a therapist for the day.

Yev was in a sullen mood when I collected him from school. We walked the few blocks to his house in silence and used the key Lana had tucked in his book bag to get inside. 

“What’s going on kiddo?” I asked him when he kicked off his shoes and they hit the wall with a loud bang. 

Yev looked up at me and blinked. “How do you do it?”

I perched on the sofa and tapped the cushion beside me. Yev slowly approached and joined me. 

“Do what, bud?” I asked softly. 

“Not think about her all the time.”

His words were hesitant and I knew he didn’t want to upset me. That broke my heart more than a dead relative ever could. 

“Grandma?” I smiled and he nodded. “Buddy, I think about her every single day.”

He frowned at me. “It doesn’t make you sad?”

I reached out to him and he crawled into my lap. “Sometimes. It makes me sad that she’s not here anymore. But I remind myself that she was pretty sick for the last few years and she was ready to say goodbye.”

“Yeah.” Yev murmured his agreement. 

“I have a lot of amazing, happy memories of her. I just focus on those.” I told him. 

Yev smiled shakily. “I do too.”

I hugged him carefully. “It will get better, when a little time passes. It just feels so bad now because you’re still used to seeing her all the time. Once you get something else to fill your time...”

I trailed off when I realized I was saying out loud the words that I’d heard so many times lately. Huh. 

“Orin?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we play cards?”

It was the first time he’d asked since my mom died. Relief washed over me and I hugged him to me. 

It was almost eight when Lana came home, muttering sarcastically about how a country at the forefront of so many advancements in the world couldn’t devise a queuing system that actually worked for shit. 

“Zhenya is okay?” She smiled at me. 

I nodded. “We’ve done his spelling homework, he’s had dinner and now he’s taking a bath. Bubbles, toy shark and hair washed all included.”

Her eyes widened adorably. “He is in the tub?”

“Sure. He’s been in so long he’s probably shrivelled into a prune by now.”

A look of undiluted joy lit her face. “Brilliant. Do not tell Misha.”

I chuckled. “Yeah. I heard he’d been having issues with Yev lately.”

“We always seem to treat those we love the worst.” She shrugged. “I tell Misha this but he has no idea how much he is loved, so it is a waste of my breath.”

“It’s true. We know they’ll stick around. Mickey should take comfort from that.”

Lana stepped closer to me slowly but surely, resting her palms on my chest carefully. 

“And you? You are okay?”

I felt the heat of her skin radiating through my cotton shirt. 

“I’m...okay. Yeah.” I smiled. 

“Good.”

I lowered my mouth to meet hers and kissed her softly, pulling away slowly and gazing at her anxiously. 

I don’t know why I did it. All of my reasons for not doing it were solid, valid reasons that nobody could argue with. But I did it anyway. And when Lana said she would wait for me to be ready, I knew she was serious. This was all on me. 

Her ice blue eyes danced with apprehension. I knew she was nervous that we’d crossed a line I wasn’t ready for, and that made me feel like shit. 

“You’re so beautiful.” I murmured reverently. 

She smiled and cupped my cheek tenderly in her palm. “I should check on Zhenya.”

I nodded. “And I should go...”

“Stay. I will make us something to eat. We can talk.” She suggested, and I saw her hard exterior walls coming down. 

“That sounds good.” I smiled reassuringly. 

I drove home feeling like the world’s oldest teenager. It was gone ten and I was ready to crash in my single bed and cry myself to sleep over lost opportunities. The night had gone perfectly. I spent time with Yev. I kissed Lana. I watched shitty tv with Lana while she sewed Yev’s PE kit back together after he had a run in with a brick wall. We didn’t talk. Not really. Other than for Lana to declare that this wasn’t the right time dredge up feelings and emotions, very little was said. Maybe it was for the best. I didn’t want to fuck things up with the extended family I never knew I needed or wanted. Clearly Lana wasn’t keen on throwing a grenade into it either. 

“Orin!”

I glanced up and saw Ian jogging toward me, pulling his ear buds out as he approached. 

“Hey Ian.” I greeted with a small smile. “How was work?”

“Good. Just need to run for a while to wind down.”

“Will I fuck ever understand you millennials.” I teased and Ian laughed. 

“How was Yev tonight?” He wiped the sweat from his brow. 

A grin quirked up my lips. “Awesome. Honestly, that kid blows my mind every day.”

“I know, right? He’s gonna be president one day.” Ian laughed, but I found myself agreeing. “I gotta go before I cool down.”

“Sure.” I smiled and waved as he jogged on the spot. 

“See ya Orin.” He winked and started to leave. “Oh, how was Lana tonight?”

“Goodbye Ian.” I rolled my eyes and turned away abruptly, hearing his laughter as he took off down the block. 

“I literally can’t think of another thing to bitch about.” Mickey leaned back in his chair and blew a huge pink bubble with the gum he’d been chewing like an obnoxious child for the last half hour. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this...but I think you’re right.” I agreed. 

“Life’s weird.” He murmured. 

“Very fuckin weird.”

“Come on, Orin.” His eyes flicked to mine. “You always have a question that makes me blab like a snitch or blub like a baby.”

I tipped my head back and laughed. “Is that so?”

“Yes. So come on...give it one last shot...don’t have much time left. Make it count.” He grinned. 

I rested my elbows on my desk and leaned forward. “I don’t want to make you cry. You think I’m some kinda sadist?”

“Course not. How about I ask you a question?” He suggested. 

I rolled my eyes. This was a freight train to nowhere fun. 

“Fuck it.” I sighed. “Shoot.”

His grin broadened and he licked his lips. 

“When are you going to stop being a fuckin pussy and get with Lana?”

I narrowed my eyes. “That’s what you think this is? Me being a pussy?”

He shrugged. “Isn’t it?”

“Of course it’s fucking not! Are you so dense that you can’t see it?”

“Must be.” He shrugged again and I wanted to vault over the desk and knock him clean out cold. 

“You’re an idiot. A complete fuckin idiot. I can’t just ‘get with Lana’ like it’s a forgone fuckin conclusion! It’s not simple. Not like you’re making out it is. I have my reasons.” I snapped angrily. 

“Oh yeah? What are they?” He bit his lip and raised his brows in an expression that I now knew as the Milkovich ‘come at me’ look. 

“You guys are all I’ve got!” I slammed my hand down on my desk and made my pen roll off the edge. “You and Ian and Yev and Kevin and Vee and Debbie and _especially_ Lana! You are all I’ve got and I can’t lose that, okay? There. Happy now?” 

Mickey sat up and his expression changed to deep concern. “What the fuck do you mean?”

“I mean...now that my mom isn’t here and my kids live out of state...I don’t have friends and family banging down my door to see me. To hang out. To check I’m eating. I don’t have anyone, Mick. It’s pathetic and humiliating but it’s the truth. And as much as I want to be with Lana...which fuckin hell you will never know how much...I can’t set fire to all the family I have left.”

Mickey was stunned. His eyes were blown wide open and he stared at me. 

“Huh.” He finally exhaled. 

I rubbed my eyes with my fingertips, pressing in deep as if I was trying to remove the image of him across the desk from me. 

“I...I just can’t, Mickey.”

“Hey Orin...it’s okay.” He soothed and made me feel like an even bigger dick. “But why do you think it would make any difference to us?”

“It wouldn’t. Not at first. When it’s all going well and life is a bed of roses.” I smiled sadly. “It would be later. When I fuck it up by having no idea how to be with a woman. Especially a woman like Lana. She’s so...fierce! My ex-wife was a field mouse in comparison. And I don’t mean that in a shitty, bitter ex kinda way. I just mean she was quiet and reserved and the complete fuckin opposite of _your_ ex-wife.” 

The words were spewing out of my mouth and I had no idea why or how to stop them. 

“Lana is the sweetest, kindest woman. And fucking beautiful. But none of that is gonna matter when I’m approaching sixty, she’s half my age and decides she doesn’t wanna be with a guy who talks about Jung and Freud and fuckin Nietzsche for fun and doesn’t know how to fuck because he took six years off after his divorce and barely even bothered for at least a decade before that!”

Mickey was following my rambling self-flagellation with squinted eyes and a half-frown. “I’m not gonna lie. I don’t know who those people are. But Lana is not fuckin stupid. She can hold her own in an adult conversation.”

I stayed silent. Mickey smirked at me. 

“And I’m pretty sure she can teach you a thing or two in the bedroom. So you know...we all have our strengths.”

I blushed and rolled my eyes. “Mickey...”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” He challenged me and I waved my arms dramatically. 

“I literally just told you!”

“You’re scared of losing us?”

“YES!” I yelled. “Jesus fuckin Christ. I have no idea why but yes!”

Mickey chuckled happily. “Orin. Dude. There’s no getting rid of us. Ever.”

I narrowed my eyes to dangerous points and glared at him. “You don’t know that.”

“Honestly, I do.” He argued gently. “I mean, look at all the crazy shit me, Ian and Lana have been through? I was married to her. We got divorced. Now I see her more than I ever did before and I actually like it! Ian took off with Yev when he could barely keep himself alive, let alone a baby. Lana was mad as fuck but she forgave him. Loves him more than ever. Forgiving people, moving past really shitty things...it’s what we do. It’s what we’re good at. So if you and Lana don’t go the distance? That really sucks. But it’s not gonna be enough to get rid of us. We can handle anything.”

I stared at him. He stared back at me. 

“You know something Mick?” I mumbled. 

“What’s that Orin?”

“You should be a lawyer.”

“Courtrooms don’t usually work out well for me.” He grinned cheekily. 

“Get the fuck out of here.” I shook my head. 

“Misha tells me you worry you do not know how to please woman in the bedroom.”

I gripped the front door handle tightly and tried not to fall down in shock. 

“Misha needs to keep his fuckin big mouth shut.” I retorted and held the door open so Lana could enter. She floated into my living room and sat down on the couch like she belonged here. Her skinny jeans made her legs go on for days. 

“Yes. He does. I will talk to him about that.”

I nodded once. “Drink?”

“Coffee, please.”

I headed into the kitchen to make it and wondered where this was all going. Lana stayed put on the couch and flicked through a copy of Psych Weekly, snorting with laughter when she read something she obviously disagreed with. When I returned with her drink she set in on the table and immediately disregarded it. 

“So...what brings you here? I hope you didn’t come all this way to make fun of me for being pathetic.” I sighed. 

Lana grinned wickedly. “Please. It’s only five blocks. I would travel further.”

“Thanks.” I droned flatly. 

“I came to see you. To talk. What we should have done already.” She told me. 

“It won’t change anything...” 

Lana gave me a tight smile. “So?”

“So what’s the point?”

She shrugged casually. “We’ll see.”

“Lana...”

“Does my opinion mean nothing to you?” She cut me off and refused to let me shake off the eye contact she’d fixed me with. 

“What? Of course it does...”

“Because I have spent my whole life being told what I must do. How I must behave. Who I must _marry_ for fuck sake. And I did it. I went along with it all. For my own good, I did what I had to do. Now I meet a man for the first time that I actually want to be with and he treats me like my opinions mean nothing.”

I stared at her in stunned silence. 

“I think about you all of the time, Orin. I think about how sweet and kind you are. To me, to Yev. Even to Misha. I think about how gorgeous you are. I think about _that_ when I’m alone in my bed, wishing you were there to touch me. I want a chance to make you happy. Because I don’t think you are and you deserve to be.” She finished her rant. 

“I don’t want to be anyone’s pity fuck.” I said harshly. As soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to swallow them back again. Her mouth twitched angrily and she carefully rose to her feet. 

“You think I pity you?” She spoke slowly, a very cold edge to her voice. 

My mouth opened and closed without making a sound. 

“What is there to pity? What am I to feel sorry for you about, Orin? I am sad you lost your mama. But she was an old lady who died warm in her bed, so you are lucky in some way. My mama died when I was a child. She was 27 years old. You have been married and raised two healthy children. You are an educated white man living in the land of the free. You have known love and contentment in your life. What the fuck do I have to pity you for?” Her accent made the consonants sound clipped and I heard the anger dripping from her words. 

“I...uh...”

Speechless. Utterly speechless. Because, duh, she had a fucking good point. 

“Is it because I am...because I _was_ a hooker? Am I tarnished?” She asked me, lowering her head. 

“What?” I yelled. “No! Of course not! Lana...fucking hell...no! I don’t even think about that. It’s not even a single ounce of a thought in my head!” 

It was true. Up until she mentioned it, it barely crossed my mind at all. 

“I can’t let myself fall in love with you because when you wake up one day and realize I’m an old man holding you back...it would kill me.” I muttered softly. 

A slow smile spread across Lana’s face. She was suddenly in my arms, kissing me deeply and holding my head in her hands. I kissed her back. Fuck it, my downstairs brain screamed at my actual brain. I kissed her long and hard until we were both breathless. 

“Orin...” She whispered as she pulled away. 

“Hmm?” Yeah. I was like a dumbstruck teenager after his first kiss. 

“Take me to bed.”

I’m not going to lie and say it was perfect. It really wasn’t. I’d had sex maybe about a dozen times in the last fifteen years. I was rusty to say the least. But it was fucking incredible nonetheless. Lana took the lead and I let her, not because I was scared (I was) but because I wanted it to be her choice. She used her mouth on me until I was so close to blowing the whole thing, literally and figuratively, and then carefully rolled a condom on me. 

“Zhenya may ask for brother, but he will not get one from me.” She smirked and sank down on me until all logical thoughts fell out of my head. I could only gaze up in awe as she twisted and rocked and dipped and rolled until I was hanging onto my dignity and my sanity by a tiny thread. 

“Touch me, Orin.” She urged and I resisted the urge to grab her tits and squeeze them like a horny schoolboy. Instead, I gripped her hips and guided her as she moved before lowering my hand and finding her sweet spot. Her soft moans became louder grunts and I was spurred on by her obvious positive feedback. 

“Lana...I’m close...”

“Don’t stop.” She retorted and rocked against me. 

I came harder than I ever have in my whole life. Including that time in college when a girl I dated for a week did something to me with her tongue that...why am I thinking about that when I’m in bed with the most beautiful woman in the world? I’m so dumb sometimes. Lana trembled in my arms as she rode out her own orgasm and I held her until it was over. 

“Orin. That was amazing.” She murmured into the skin of my throat. 

“So amazing.” I agreed. 

We lay quietly in my bed, my fingertips swirling circles on her back. 

“Have we just made a huge mistake?” I sighed softly. 

“Maybe.” She grinned up at me. “Let’s find out.”

I giggled happily. “Sure. Let’s find out.”

Much later, after a second round and a cup of coffee that she actually drank, I walked Lana home and kissed her goodnight at the end of her block. By the time I walked home I had a message from Mickey. 

“ _Remember! You’re stuck with us_.”

I didn’t reply. I just laughed until I fell asleep. 


	26. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this weird little concoction! You’re all amazing.

**_1 year, 10 months & 4 days later..._ **

I watched Mickey pack the last of his clothes into his case, smiling sadly when he caught my eye. 

“I thought we’d be here forever.” He sighed and glanced around the empty bedroom. 

“Holy fuck, Mickey. We gonna have an emergency session right here on your box spring?” I chuckled. 

He looked at me with a mix of amusement and contempt. “I’m just gonna miss the place. This is the first home I’ve had that I felt safe in. And now I’m leaving.”

I nodded. “I know. A lot can change in a couple of years.”

“You can say that again. If someone told me I’d be having a baby with Debbie Gallagher I would die of shock.” Mickey huffed. 

“Well...stranger things have definitely happened.” I agreed. “How is Debbie?”

“Bitching about swollen ankles and false contractions every other damn minute. But yeah, she’s good.”

I laughed at Mickey’s eye roll. “Don’t ever say that to her face.”

“No shit. I like my balls where they are.”

When the last of Mickey’s belongings were packed up, I helped him carry them out to the truck Kevin had let him borrow. I caught him glancing wistfully back at the house and smiled, slinging my arm around his shoulder. 

“This ain’t the end, Mick. This is the beginning.”

He sighed softly. “I’m scared, Orin.”

“Of?”

“Fucking this baby up. I nearly did with Yev, and it was only Lana that stopped me. Girl-Red has made it clear she wants to be Aunt Deb only. This one is only going to have me.” He muttered. 

“And Ian. Neither of you will fuck this up. I promise.”

“What makes you so sure?” He snapped. 

I laughed softly. “Because you’ve got a crack team of family and friends ready to help you. You’ve got a steady job, a support system and a kid that will love his baby brother enough to protect him from all the evil in the world. Nothing you can do will stop that baby from being fine. I promise.”

“I wish Ian would’ve agreed to be the biological father.” 

I smirked. “That’s a whole different course of therapy if you knock up your sister.”

Mickey blushed and shook his head. “With a different surrogate, obviously.”

I turned serious and nodded. “I know. But I get his reasons for not doing it. He’d spend the next twenty years nervous as hell that his genes were messing up his kid. This way, he’s got your genes and his mixed perfectly.”

“But Orin...I’m having a baby with Debbie fuckin Gallagher.” Mickey groaned. 

I couldn’t hold in my laugh. “Well at least you didn’t have to do it the old-fashioned way. Turkey basters to the rescue.”

“I’m not sure I could even get hard for a woman these days.” Mickey offered up some honesty. 

I shrugged. “Why should you?”

“I guess.” Mickey shoved the tail up on the truck and locked it in place. 

“We’ve got time if you want to say goodbye...” 

“Goodbye to who?”

I rolled my eyes. “The house, Mickey.”

He smiled back broadly. “It’s just a house, Orin.”

With a laugh, we got into the truck and headed towards Mickey’s new beginning. 

Ian was directing the merry band of movers when we arrived at their new place. It was only a few blocks away, and closer to where Lana and I lived, and it was bigger than their previous place. They needed the extra bedroom and floor space for when the newest Milkovich arrived in the next couple of weeks. I admired the guys so much for the progress they had made since I first laid eyes on them. Mickey was still working for Kevin at the Alibi but he also picked up some extra cash by doing the accounts and rounding up bar debts from the locals. Ian was at the hospital and had been promoted as part of a train-while-you-work scheme. He would be a fully qualified nurse in less than three years. Ian caught my eye and waved, a huge grin lighting his face. 

“Hey guys.” He called out. “Jack and Marco are here. They’re building the nursery furniture.”

“Together?” Mickey looked horrified and Ian cackled happily. 

“Sure Mick. Not every couple has a strict one-person-builds-the-flat-pack rule.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Kept us married, hasn’t it?”

Ian shrugged. “Here’s me thinking it was my excellent cooking, sparkling wit and huge dick.”

“Two out of three ain’t bad.” Mickey teased and started to unload the first of his boxes. I loved hearing them banter and enjoy themselves. I grabbed a box and headed inside, passing Marco on the way into the hallway. 

“Hey Orin.” He greeted warmly. 

“Hey. Was your flight okay?”

He grinned. “Slept like a baby the whole way here. Jack is upstairs. I’ll send him down.”

I headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. It was still early and we had a long day ahead as we moved the guys into their new home. Footsteps behind me made me turn and I smiled at the figure in the doorway. 

“Hi Iggy.”

“Hey Mr C. How’s Mickey doing?” 

I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”

“He’s fuckin terrified, man. He never liked change. This is off the scale for him.” Iggy confided with a soft smile. 

I nodded. “He’s good. Scared, but excited.”

Iggy placed the box he was holding on the table and patted down his pockets until he found his cigarettes. “I’ll be back in five.”

“Sure.” I watched him leave, smiling at the memory of the day I met him over a year ago. With my contacts and Mickey’s determination, we tracked Iggy down to a shit hole apartment by the docks. He’d been thrilled to see Mickey again and had no idea that his slightly younger brother was out of prison and back in the South Side. Their relationship had built up over the year and now Iggy was as much a part of the family as, say, Debbie. Adding more people to Mickey and Ian’s support system was an absolute joy. 

It was a long day. By the end I was fully reminded that I was nearing sixty and my joints weren’t what they used to be! Even having a stunning girlfriend who liked sex more than a sixteen year old boy could only do so much to make me feel young. I finally collapsed into a chair and accepted a bottle of ice cold beer from Ian when his cell rang loudly in the room. 

“Hey Debs!” He greeted brightly, but quickly turned serious and very pale. He mumbled for a moment and then spoke firmly. “We’ll be there. Hang tight.”

When he hung up he looked around and found his husband’s eyes. “We gotta go.”

“Huh?” Mickey gulped some beer. 

“The baby is coming.”

I realized when I drove them to the hospital in Kevin’s truck that I’d never truly seen them in panic mode before. We’d gone through a whole range of emotional responses in the time we’d spent together but I’d never seen this level of emotion in either of them. I promised to wait in the family room for an update and they left me alone while they found Debbie and prepared to welcome their new baby boy into the world, albeit a couple of weeks early. I called Lana and let her know where I was and she asked me to keep her up to date. After that I played on my phone, read a bunch of magazines and rearranged the children’s toy box in the corner of the room. I thanked my lucky stars every day that I’d ended up with a woman so amazing that shared the same thoughts as I did about the future. We both wanted stability, happiness and passion. Neither of us wanted more children. I’d done my stint twenty odd years ago. She’d done her stint in the last ten years. It was time to be together and enjoy our merged families. But the excitement I felt for Mickey and Ian as they completed their family was beyond anything I ever expected to feel for them. 

Finally, almost three hours later, Mickey appeared looking strung out. 

“So...those false contractions weren’t actually all that false.” He smiled weakly. 

“He’s here?” I asked anxiously. 

Mickey’s eyes filled with tears and he nodded, biting down on his lip. “Yeah. He’s here. And he’s perfect.”

I hugged him tightly. “That’s great news, Mick. How’s Debbie?”

“You gotta swear to me, Orin. Never let me say a bad word about her ever again. She’s a fucking warrior.” He blushed. 

“She is.” I agreed. “I’m so happy for you all.”

“Thank you.” He replied. “Come say hello.”

“Oh no it’s okay. I can wait until tomorrow. It’s late.” I glanced at the wall clock and saw it was almost 2 in the morning. 

“Five minutes. Come on, you’re here now.” He grinned. 

I followed him to the end of the corridor and into a small room where Ian was perched on a chair holding a tiny bundle. He smiled up at me tiredly. 

“Hey!” He greeted softly. 

I squeezed his shoulder. “Congrats.”

Debbie was in the bed and I leaned over and pecked her cheek. “Well done, he’s a cracker.”

She smiled dopily. “My work here is done.”

Ian stood and came closer. “Orin, this is Riley Philip Milkovich. Riley, this is Uncle Orin. He’s really cool.”

“Hello Riley. It’s so good to meet you.”

I gazed down at the wrinkled pink face and melted. He was fucking adorable. 

“May I?” I asked and instantly had an armful of fresh baby. He was a solid weight. “He’s beautiful.”

“I know.” Ian grinned delightedly. “A perfect mix of Gallagher and Milkovich.”

“Yev is gonna go wild when he wakes up tomorrow and finds out his brother is here.” Mickey grinned, reaching out to run the pad of his fingertip down his son’s cheek. 

“He’s gonna be the best big brother.” I replied sincerely. 

Riley opened and closed his mouth in agreement. 

Mickey was not exactly a totally different person to the man I met when he was first out of prison. He was still the same underneath. His core values were the same. The love he didn’t know he had was still the same. Just now, he knew what his emotions meant. Why he felt the way he did. Why he got angry. What he needed to do to communicate with those around him that needed him. It was such a pleasure to see him happy and settled with his family. Ian was the same. He didn’t bottle up his anger and resentment towards his condition like he used to. He was stable and on a course of treatment that was working for him. Just like every couple, they had good days and bad. But seeing them with their gorgeous new baby and his proud as punch older brother...well I knew they could achieve anything they wanted. I’m just the lucky sucker that gets to witness it all. 

The End. 


End file.
